Okay kids, here I am three weeks into my 90 Days on Match.com experience, and let me just say that although the only way you can get to know someone is by making contact with them…I sure as hell wish I would not have made any contact with, well…anyone! For those of you that may need a refresher as to how this series on my blog came about, please read my first post and catch up on the goings on. Now let’s get down to the facts. During week 3 on Match my profile was viewed 52 times, I was sent 13 E-mails, and received a few winks. Here’s where it gets a bit dicey…
I worried too much about how I was viewed by the men who e-mailed me. The guys that e-mailed me this week, were men that I had no interest in, and I did not want to come across like a jerk and just ignore them, so I e-mailed them back to “let them down easy”. Ugh…I feel like a total jackass just writing that sentence down. Here’s the thing. I have been ignored by someone before, you know, you text or call them, and they never respond. Or, you go out with them, even sleep with them and never hear form them again. We have all been there, so I did not want to just read their e-mails and delete them without at least responding in some way.
One e-mail was really sweet, the guy told me how beautiful he thought I was, liked my smile etc. and I e-mailed him back basically letting him know I was not interested and wished him luck on his search. He seemed to understand so this was the “I’m not interested” e-mail I sent to everyone. Well, some of them took my response as encouragement instead of how it was intended. This is one of the caveats of online dating…there is no filter, literally, these men say ANY DAMN THING THEY WANT TO. Most of them could care less about you not responding, or responding to let them know you are not interested. There is something thrilling about seeing that little notification next to your inbox and it honestly gives you a feeling of adrenaline, mixed with feeling wanted. Really.
When someone wants you, you feel good. I don’t care what anyone says, being wanted feels good. With that being said, there is also a fine line between being wanted and trying to make someone want you. This is a place we have all been to as well: You like someone, you do things to get their attention, or are bold enough to just let them know you are interested. You may even give them your number, “accidentally” show up at the same party, e-mail them etc.
You expect them to like you back right? I mean why wouldn’t someone like you? You are amazeballs…but he/she doesn’t like you. They don’t call, text, or invest any time in you whatsoever. To sum it…baby he does not want you, but…denial sets in. You convince yourself he/she is to busy with work, it’s not the “right-time”, or they are scared. Listen, no one is afraid of you, and no one is to busy for you, they just don’t want you! Accept it and move on.
On Match, I’ve learned that acceptance may be a bit hard for most to digest. Mainly I think it is because they are trying so hard to prove to you that they are who you want. Also, there are so many different ways to let someone know you are interested through one medium. As I explained in the first post, you can wink at someone, e-mail them, like their pictures and even chat with them through the site. All of those options can be a bit overwhelming…for me anyways. During the weeks going forward I will not respond to every e-mail or wink because it’s just exhausting and ends up getting me way to many notifications on my phone (may sound a bit btichy but its true and those notifications mainly come at 1:00 am…argh).
Lastly, I said…well wrote in weeks one post that I had sent out winks to men who had no ethnicity preferences on their profiles, and were sent to me by Match. I did not hear back from them at all. I will continue to send winks to men sent to me by Match, who state they have no ethnicity preferences to see if they will ignore me or respond. Stay tuned…
0 thoughts on “90 Days on Match: I Should Have Ignored You”
Oh dear. This sounds complicated. But if you found a system, good. I hope you meet the men you want!
That “they don't want you, move on” is spot on, but a bitter pill to swallow. The smartest, best people I know still convince themselves that someone is just too busy or it's the wrong time. I've fallen for that out of my own insecurities. I guess it never is, but we'll believe anything other than they just aren't into us. And then one day it just clicks and you know it was that all along. Everything in it's own time. Le sigh. You have a good head on your shoulders 🙂
Jean! Thanks for reading doll…right this is so hard to believe sometimes! You really want that someone to just be into you and be your passenger on the magical unicorn that is going to fly you into outer space and when they are not into you it can really hurt. This happened to me last month…told a guy I was interested, gave him my number, he acted like he was interested -I thought-but he never called. Damn, Le Sigh.
It is intriguing how you distinguish between possible 'matches'. Do you have a internal voice, reasoning and debating whether this guy or that guy is a 'possible' candidate?
They say 'opposites attract', so have you considered exploring options of connecting with people, who in your paradigm of reality, would never be in your social circle?
Creativity, expression and exposing your soulful mindset has led me here reading your blog. Just imagine all the other men, who have now been touched by your prolific humour, honesty and beauty. So, maybe using 'Match' and all the other dating sites, were just part of your journey which led you here; writing, blogging and getting noticed by someone, who has noticed you. 🙂
I don't respond to all messages when I'm not interested — only if he put in real effort. If he wrote a thoughtful message but I'm not interested, then I write back something like, “Thanks so much for contacting me but I'm looking to date someone very local/closer to my age/a nonsmoker.” I don't feel a need to reply to winks or crap like “Hi sexy.”
I agree…I didn't respond to the Hey Sexy guy and I don't respond to winks. I was however worried about looking like an a-hole and would respond to emails that were decent, out of guilt, but I'm over that…lol! Thank you for reading darling!
The one that really got me was when I was addressed as “Madame”. I got the hell out of dodge. He was trying to lecture me. Oh hell no LOL!