Porn can have many effects on your relationship: It can be a teaching tool, it can be a mood enhancer, it can be an inhibition breaker, it can be fun, erotic, and sexy. But porn can also put you or your partner in a perpetual state of fantasy. You may began to compare your lover to the men and women in these movies. At times you may even form an attachment to an actor and think this is how your man/woman should behave when you are intimate. At its worse porn can become an addiction. My ex hid a porn addiction that I thankfully found out about. He would spend hours on the computer with the door closed, and he actually chose porn over being intimate with me. Here is the thing…I was not upset with him for watching it, I was upset with the addiction he formed to it.
Women do watch porn. There is a specific niche` market just for women called: Erotica. Let’s just be real most women do not want to watch that hardcore, super painful looking, never in a million years scenario that men want to watch. Most women prefer the “softer side” of porn (pun intended). I see nothing wrong with using porn to learn some new tricks, enhance your mood, or open yourself up to new experiences. I do take issue with men expecting us to perform like porn stars in the bedroom every single time we sleep together.
There is the dichotomy of the ‘Proper Lady’ but ‘Dirty Girl’: You must be a sexual prowess, and love to do any, and everything sexually with no questions asked. But, you must also be a proper lady in public and never show that ‘Dirty Girl’ side to anyone else. Instead of pushing a fantasy why not enhance your reality? Talk with your partner honestly about what you want and need to be satisfied. Comparing him or her to a paid actor does not make them feel wanted. It makes them feel like what they want or need is not important. And, that they are not who you really want!
When you are in a relationship you enjoy, and are in love with someone, that emotion opens you up more intimately. You want to please them and want to indulge their fantasy scenarios. Some women have serious reservations when it comes to watching porn and may need to be eased into feeling comfortable with it. And then there are some women (and men) who absolutely refuse to go there. There is a stigma attached to it even now.
I have friends who feel their man is cheating on them by watching porn, and then there are the those that are alone in a dark room with it on repeat all day. Learning to separate reality from fantasy is an issue for many couples and women. I think as long as you and your partner discuss boundaries, wants, needs and experiences together, and without judgement that porn can be a helpful tool (when needed) in your relationship.
I’d love to know how you all fee about his issue…Weigh in with your comments below:
Would you be offended if your partner asked you to watch with them?
I like erotic writing more than porn.
That's the first time I have heard that from a man…I have found that the erotic writing genre has exploded and it does not carry the stigma in society that porn still does. Thanks for reading!
Thank you for this very helpfull material…honestly cried a bit I can see some patterns I want to change and not be one of those guys.