In the fourth grade I told Ryan that I liked him…Oh man you guys should have seen him, he was a total cutie pie with blondish brown hair and blue eyes. He liked my friend Summer, but I didn’t care I liked him. And he rejected me. This actually made me like him even more. I also tried to be more like Summer because a few of the boys liked her, and I figured I’d get their attention by changing myself to be who they want. This is how the vicious cycle of chasing men and relationships began…Let’s just dedicate this post to Ryan shall we?
By the time I reached junior high things had sort of shifted for me. The boy in school that literally every girl liked…liked me! I really, really, thought I was special because he asked me to be his girlfriend. And yes this made all of the girls hate me, but who cares, I had the most popular guy in the eighth grade as my boyfriend, and I can care less what they thought. One day my eighth grade Adonis came up to me and told me that he didn’t think I looked pretty that day. His words were to the effect of, “I don’t understand how you can look so pretty one day and so….the next…so ugly.”
Yup. After that I made sure I washed my face and brushed my teeth each morning with a vigor I never had before. I had to always have perfect hair and make sure my uniform looked pristine because that would keep his attention on me. None of this worked of course as he later dumped me for a girl who put out…damn me and my eighth grade morals.
In high school I chased the guys that made it clear they did not want a relationship, but I honestly had no idea I was chasing them. If I liked someone and they did not like me I would do or say things to get their attention. Shawn was a prime example of that. I never went on dates or had even been asked to a dance (cue the violins) until around eleventh grade…this is when my cute factor finally decided to show up in my life, but I digress.
Shawn always acted like he liked me and would call me (this was of course before texting and we all had pagers at this time) and play my favorite songs for me over the phone. Needless to say I fell completely in love. Well, Shawn was a total douchebag that was calling and playing songs for a few girls, but nevertheless I pursued him. He would at times give me no attention, so of course I gave him all of mine.
Shawn would always say he was going to take me out on a date but would not follow through with his word. Once I ditched school with him and his friends to see a movie, and he told me he had a free movie ticket…he gave the free movie ticket and I had to pay for mine when we got to the theater. And yet I still pursued. Then, he says he’s going to take me on a date. I excitedly tell my parents and I end up waiting for him to show up, as he pulls up to my house an hour late I still feel giddy. We didn’t even go anywhere! We hung out at his friends house and them went to the Santa Monica pier to make-out. Geez I was such an idiot.
Accepting crappy and disrespectful behavior from a man is not something I was ever taught to do, its something I learned to accept because the attention given to an insecure kid, teenager and eventually young adult woman was something I interpreted as good. If a guy wouldn’t call me or spend time with me I dismissed it as, “He’s busy with school”, or, “He works late” excuses. I accepted what I knew made me unhappy just to keep that person around, which again was completely done our of insecurity. I’m so happy that I grew as an adult and learned to not accept this behavior anymore, but it took me going into my 30’s to get there. Now when I don’t receive a phone call, or someone only texts and never puts in effort to make at least one call…I let that person go because I know they are not that into me.
I see this behavior being accepted so much by women, and it makes me so mad! We are so busy setting our sights on the jerk that doesn’t call and only texts messages us, or the guy that behaves like he clearly does not want to be in a relationship with us and shows us through his actions, that we miss out on or think the guy that doesn’t do all of those things is to nice.
Here’s what I have learned to be fact-for me-and maybe you all may identify with some of these:
1) If a man/woman only texts you and never calls…they’re not that into you.
2) If a man/woman only invites you over to his/her house and you don’t do anything together in public…they’re not that into you.
3) If you give a man/woman your phone number and they do not call you until over one week later…they’re not that into you.
4) If a man/woman tries to change you…they’re not that into you.
5) If a man/woman has a new excuse for not calling, texting, spending time with, or being in a monogamous relationship with you…they’re not that into you.
These seem so universal and life lessons we already know, but yet we keep buying into or making excuses for this behavior. Chasing someone is something none of us should ever have to do! There is a huge difference between giving someone your attention/showing them you are interested in them and chasing them. I know a lot of women feel men should chase us and by nature men are hunters who instinctively like to chase and I understand that. But when someones behavior is subtle or a blatant display of disinterest in you or being with you, then instead of chasing them thinking they will change…move on. Find someone who will give you the love and attention you deserve instead of chasing someone you practically have to beg for it.
Thanks for Reading & Comment Below…xo Jonesie