That One-Time A Moment of Loneliness Made Me Irrational

Cookies (1)
 Last week, during one of our many text messaging sessions, my ex-boyfriend (not the douchebag that dumped me over text) who I’ve been close friends with since our 2005 break-up, mentioned that he is taking an important test for the next step of his career. This test is pretty important and he has been studying for it for weeks, and with it coming up soon, last week was the final study push. As we kept talking about his goals and what this promotion would mean for his career, and how stressed he was about it, my nurturing side automatically kicked in. This rarely happens, as we all know I have a black heart of stone, but I love my friend/ex-boyfriend, and wanted to do something to help him get a bit of relief from studying. So here’s what I did, why I did it, how it backfired, and the huge lesson it taught me.
 
When I am stressed out I do three specific things:

1) Eat Carbs in the form of homemade pizza.

2) Bake a ridiculous amount of cookies, brownies and/or muffins…sometimes, all three, if I’m being totally honest, which I always am with you guys.

3) Vacuum. Really…I clean like crazy, but there is something about vacuuming that really calms me down. Judge me all you want, but you’ll never come to my place, and not see those vacuum lines in my carpet.

Naturally, I thought of making the Fireman some baked goods that he can munch on while studying, and just use as a stress relieving break. Great idea, right?

I work two jobs: Job number one ends around 3pm, and job number two starts a few hours after that, and ends at about 10pm, so, let’s just say I am super tired by the end of my day. Is this winning me any sympathy points, because it better be. I decided to bake cookies and brownies, but not just one type of cookie, a full on cookie assortment, because why not turn this into a huge task that I would force myself to accomplish in a timely matter, and before the Labor Day weekend? Do you hear the violin strings being played? I do.
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When Your Ex Finds Someone New & You Don’t

 exfinds

Why does it hurt so bad when we see our ex with someone new? My last boyfriend was not a very nice person. He was not a good person…as a matter of fact, he was one of the most selfish and unkind people I became to know, but I digress. Breaking up with someone is never fun and seeing your ex with someone new is heartbreaking. When my ex and I broke up over four years ago I actually felt relieved. He had cheated and we stayed together.

I became a paranoid koo koo bird that drove to the gym, parked outside of it, and checked to see if his car was there. I even did the dreaded…check his phone move. I was younger then I am now of course and I have clearly matured. So, if he was such a douchebag why did it hurt when I saw his lovey-dovey post on Facebook that included a picture of his new girlfriend?

Maybe I was hurt because he has someone new and I know who he really is. She hasn’t met the selfish, cheating, plays the guitar while sitting on the toilet, obsesses over his outfit choices, and owns more moisturizers then me guy. She has yet to meet Mr. I am going to the gym, but not really going there. New girl also doesn’t know Mr. I am going to call my mom and tell her all of our relationship business either. Why does ‘New Girl’ get to meet this new amazing and loving guy while I had to be with the aforementioned a-hole? It’s not fair.

Maybe I am jealous that he has a girlfriend and I, well, am single. I have not had a boyfriend since him and it’s been over four years. Okay, the first two years was me partying it up and having so much fun that the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Now that I have settled into my true self: I ma confident, working hard every single day to accomplish my goals, writing, acting etc. I would really love to have my “person” to share all of this with. Why does he get to have a “person” and I don’t. He sucks.  Continue reading

5 Times When Being Single Sucks

 5 Times When Being Single Sucks

 Sometimes being single friggin’ sucks. Before you roll your eyes at me, let me also state that if you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I in no way feel you need a man to complete you, be happy or live a fulfilled life…I have been happily single for over four years now and have written over 50 blog post demonstrating that. Now with that dtisclaimer being said…well typed…let me also state that there are definite times when being single does in fact suck:

 Being Single Sucks When:
 
1) When my 82 year old Grandmother tells me to use up my eggs before they dry up: Yup, this happened, in a store, in public, because when you’re 82, you can literally say anything you want and get away with it. It happened like this: 
Me: “Nanny, I don’t really care about getting married.”
Nanny: “How old are you now?”
Me: “33.”

Nanny: “You better use those eggs up before they dry up.”

Here’s why this sucks:

A) Who wants to disappoint their grandma?
B) I’m 33 years old and yes, my eggs are drying up.
C) I am literally in no rush to be married or have kids
D) There is no D actually, I just like even numbers.

Okay, so yes I am single, I am not in a rush to be married nor am I purposely looking for a man to procreate with. This is an instance when being single sucks, because I do think about the fact that both of my grandmothers are up in age, and if I were to find someone to spend my life with, I would like both of them to be here for it.

2) When I’m sick: Being that I am a 33 year old adult woman…I have my own place and do not live with my parents anymore. One of the worst times to live alone is when you are sick, and I don’t mean have a cold sick. I mean the flu, pneumonia, bronchitis, cannot go to work, drive yourself to urgent care, can’t talk, getting out of bed is impossible, even my eyelashes hurt kind of sick. I have been all of those things and have had to take care of myself by myself.

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I Never Got to Wear My Wedding Dress

 wedding

One day in 2009, Halloween to be exact, my mom and I went shopping at the mall and began looking for wedding dresses. Let me set the scene; my ex-boyfriend and I had been together over one year and he wanted us to move in together. I did not. I have written about him before…he’s the jerk I lived with and broke up with me over text message. Yes, that happened. Anyway we moved in together after all, and things were going well…and when he told me he wants to marry me I said, sure.

The conversation pretty much went like this: Him: We should get married…maybe next summer? Me: Okay, maybe we can go to Jamaica. So…ummm…yes that’s how the conversation went. I mentioned it to my mom a few months later and here we were in the mall on Halloween and decided to go look at wedding dresses. First we went to Saks. My mom wanted to buy me one of those ten thousand dollar wedding dresses, and I thought that was the craziest idea ever, because who the hell really needs a dress that costs that much? I had the brilliant, (but not highly favored by her), idea to go over to the David’s Bridal store across the mall parking lot and just well, grab something.

 When I walked into the store the sales woman immediately approached us and started asking me so many questions, and at such a speedy rate, that I just nodded yes to everything. Literally, anything she asked, said, or did, I just said yes! I don’t know why I became so discombobulated when she was firing all of these questions and suggestions at me, but I did. I honestly felt scared. Remember when you were little and your parents would turn off the light in your room, and you’d look over at your closet, knowing nothing was really in there, but convincing yourself that something or someone was? That’s how I felt. Like there was this monster inside the closet and I couldn’t figure out why.

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