1) Eat Carbs in the form of homemade pizza.
2) Bake a ridiculous amount of cookies, brownies and/or muffins…sometimes, all three, if I’m being totally honest, which I always am with you guys.
3) Vacuum. Really…I clean like crazy, but there is something about vacuuming that really calms me down. Judge me all you want, but you’ll never come to my place, and not see those vacuum lines in my carpet.
Naturally, I thought of making the Fireman some baked goods that he can munch on while studying, and just use as a stress relieving break. Great idea, right?
I work two jobs: Job number one ends around 3pm, and job number two starts a few hours after that, and ends at about 10pm, so, let’s just say I am super tired by the end of my day. Is this winning me any sympathy points, because it better be. I decided to bake cookies and brownies, but not just one type of cookie, a full on cookie assortment, because why not turn this into a huge task that I would force myself to accomplish in a timely matter, and before the Labor Day weekend? Do you hear the violin strings being played? I do.
Why does it hurt so bad when we see our ex with someone new? My last boyfriend was not a very nice person. He was not a good person…as a matter of fact, he was one of the most selfish and unkind people I became to know, but I digress. Breaking up with someone is never fun and seeing your ex with someone new is heartbreaking. When my ex and I broke up over four years ago I actually felt relieved. He had cheated and we stayed together.
I became a paranoid koo koo bird that drove to the gym, parked outside of it, and checked to see if his car was there. I even did the dreaded…check his phone move. I was younger then I am now of course and I have clearly matured. So, if he was such a douchebag why did it hurt when I saw his lovey-dovey post on Facebook that included a picture of his new girlfriend?
Maybe I was hurt because he has someone new and I know who he really is. She hasn’t met the selfish, cheating, plays the guitar while sitting on the toilet, obsesses over his outfit choices, and owns more moisturizers then me guy. She has yet to meet Mr. I am going to the gym, but not really going there. New girl also doesn’t know Mr. I am going to call my mom and tell her all of our relationship business either. Why does ‘New Girl’ get to meet this new amazing and loving guy while I had to be with the aforementioned a-hole? It’s not fair.
Maybe I am jealous that he has a girlfriend and I, well, am single. I have not had a boyfriend since him and it’s been over four years. Okay, the first two years was me partying it up and having so much fun that the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Now that I have settled into my true self: I ma confident, working hard every single day to accomplish my goals, writing, acting etc. I would really love to have my “person” to share all of this with. Why does he get to have a “person” and I don’t. He sucks. Continue reading
Sometimes being single friggin’ sucks. Before you roll your eyes at me, let me also state that if you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I in no way feel you need a man to complete you, be happy or live a fulfilled life…I have been happily single for over four years now and have written over 50 blog post demonstrating that. Now with that dtisclaimer being said…well typed…let me also state that there are definite times when being single does in fact suck:
1) When my 82 year old Grandmother tells me to use up my eggs before they dry up: Yup, this happened, in a store, in public, because when you’re 82, you can literally say anything you want and get away with it. It happened like this:
Nanny: “You better use those eggs up before they dry up.”
Here’s why this sucks:
A) Who wants to disappoint their grandma?
B) I’m 33 years old and yes, my eggs are drying up.
C) I am literally in no rush to be married or have kids
D) There is no D actually, I just like even numbers.
Okay, so yes I am single, I am not in a rush to be married nor am I purposely looking for a man to procreate with. This is an instance when being single sucks, because I do think about the fact that both of my grandmothers are up in age, and if I were to find someone to spend my life with, I would like both of them to be here for it.
One day in 2009, Halloween to be exact, my mom and I went shopping at the mall and began looking for wedding dresses. Let me set the scene; my ex-boyfriend and I had been together over one year and he wanted us to move in together. I did not. I have written about him before…he’s the jerk I lived with and broke up with me over text message. Yes, that happened. Anyway we moved in together after all, and things were going well…and when he told me he wants to marry me I said, sure.
The conversation pretty much went like this: Him: We should get married…maybe next summer? Me: Okay, maybe we can go to Jamaica. So…ummm…yes that’s how the conversation went. I mentioned it to my mom a few months later and here we were in the mall on Halloween and decided to go look at wedding dresses. First we went to Saks. My mom wanted to buy me one of those ten thousand dollar wedding dresses, and I thought that was the craziest idea ever, because who the hell really needs a dress that costs that much? I had the brilliant, (but not highly favored by her), idea to go over to the David’s Bridal store across the mall parking lot and just well, grab something.
Exes are like boomerangs, every time you got over them, they return. It’s like they all have this weird telepathy and can sense when you are happy and ready to move on. They sniff around you innocently at first, just as you begin anew with someone else…Boomerangs (that’s what we will forever be referring to them as, okay?) work in stages:
Stage (1) Internet Ploys: One day you are scrolling through pages on the Internet, say for instance you are looking to buy that killer pair of shoes you’ve had your eyes on for a few weeks, then while looking an ad pops up asking you to ‘click here’ to receive an additional 20% off your purchase! You are stoked, so of course you click on it and what happens? A virus downloads to your computer. That’s what your Boomerang does to you when he/she sniffs you moving on with someone new. They try and breakdown your new found joy.
Stage (2) Texting Rouses: The texting rouse is an oldie, but goodie in the Boomerang circle. Remember that time when you were little, and pretended to be sick for attention? That’s the type of technique the Boomerang is employing here…They love to text you to a) see if you have erased their number or not, b) to bait you into responding, c) to test how quickly you will respond to them, and d) to see if you’ll still have sex with them (let’s just be real here folks)
Stage (3) Emotional Play: This is the most crucial tactic a Boomerang will use as their weapon of choice. Am I the only one who stays up late, and always sees the ASPCA commercial with Sarah McLaughlin singing, ‘In the arms of the angels’, while a three-legged dog has a talk bubble over their head asking, “Why did they beat me?”, and you feel like crap because all you want to do is immediately change the channel as soon as you hear the music…Well, your Boomerang is using this technique on you, and you have just entered phase three. Phase three is the most serious of stages because emotional play also involves psychological warfare…
There is something to be said about a man (or woman) who will give you gifts as a way of showing you that they care about, or love you. Let me preface that I in no way feel gifts are the way to a woman’s heart, because I’d rather travel together then receive a diamond bracelet. No, seriously I have a diamond bracelet and don’t need another one. Let’s take that money and fly off the grid and just lay on the beach all day. And if a man does choose to buy me a gift; I am more of an collection of books by my favorite authors, vintage dress, or art piece type of girl, but I digress. In one of my previous relationships I met a man who literally only bought me used gifts.
It was a relationship that started and moved pretty quickly. I have written about him before (see the Break-Up Text edition) and we dated for two years, and lived together for the last year of our relationship. We met in August and became a couple in September…Yup, that fast. By the time December rolled around I wasn’t expecting anything major, and had been looking for a new beach cruiser for myself online. Well he saw this and pretty much hinted at him buying me that for Christmas so I was super excited! Christmas Eve came and we exchanged gifts. I had gotten him digital camera, and excitedly awaited to see my new-and pink-beach cruiser. He handed me a little white box in a Tiffany bag and my heart literally sank.
Most women would see this and squeal for joy, but as I said I am just not that type of girl which I expressed to him, and thought he understood. Anyway I open the box and there is a silver heart shaped bracelet. Of course I thought-and still do-it was beautiful and genuinely liked the gift he gave me. I proudly wore it to my parents and grandparents houses the next day and showed it off. But I also wondered how he decided upon the gift since in all honesty he was very stingy…okay he was cheap as hell! Turns out his friends girlfriend worked at the store and bought it on discount. That my friends was gift number one, and the only new gift he gave me. Continue reading
So, let’s say you meet a great guy online, or at a bar. You go on dates, talk on the phone, he introduces you to his friends and vice-versa. You are sleeping together and spending most of your time together, may even spend a holiday or birthday together, but he has yet to refer to you as his girlfriend, or fully commit to being in a relationship with you. Now you as a woman say to yourself, ‘Self this is okay…you’ve met his friends, he took you to dinner for your birthday, and you spend your weekends with him…you are his girlfriend, you don’t need a title.’ Really? You don’t need a title? Everyone has a title honey. Your boss is your boss, your best friend is your best friend, your mom is your mom, and your boyfriend is in fact…your boyfriend.
Dating someone new is fun, scary, nerve-racking and mysterious all at the same time. It’s fun to be excited about a new person in your life. It’s also scary to let your guard down and be vulnerable, and I don’t know about you, but I love it when a new special someone gives me butterflies in my stomach. Well, then there is the mysterious part…Most times we are so busy enjoying the newness, butterflies, rainbows and unicorns that have suddenly appeared in our lives along with this new person, that we may not notice some other issues. One major issue I have dealt with in relationships past: Is he really over his Ex?
An ex-boyfriend of mine owned a cat. Let’s just say that besides being deathly allergic to them…I just do not like them in general. Yeah, okay, some of you may have just gotten pissed off, but hey I like dogs, don’t judge me! But I digress…So, my ex had a cat and one night my throat closed up and I could barely breathe from said cat, so he promised to vacuum and keep the cat in another room anytime I came over. While I did not like the whole ‘guy with a cat’ thing, I did really like him and I tried to deal with the cat.
One night while discussing our pasts he tells me that the cat is actually his ex-girlfriends cat that he inherited. Here’s my issue with this scenario…okay well here is my second or third issue with this scenario. Firefighter (did I forget to mention that we will be referring to him as firefighter? Sorry, we will be calling him firefighter because as you all know I don’t use names unless I have been given permission.) really, really, loved his cat. But I wanted firefighter to really, really love me, and every time I looked at that cat I saw the life he had before me with someone else. Continue reading
D and I met at a time where I just began to exert my feminism and independence with confidence in my life. I had just moved into my first apartment-by myself-and returned to school. I felt amazing, beautiful, smart and accomplished. I also had absolutely no desire to be in a relationship or need to meet someone new, and I meet this D a few weeks later. Yes, weeks…four weeks to be exact.
I was not attracted to him physically, but after our first phone conversation, which can I just add, lasted four hours…I figured saying yes to him asking me out would not hurt. He told me he was part French and could help me with my French as I was studying the language in hopes of taking a backpacking trip there. He also liked the same type of music I liked, and was eager to explore LA, and try foods from all of the restaurants I told him I loved.