We Met at the Lenny Kravitz Concert

concert

Have you ever seen the film, ‘Sliding Doors’, starring Gwyneth Paltrow? Here’s a short summary of the plot: The film follows Helen Quilley (Gwyneth Paltrow), a young Englishwoman living in London who has just been fired from her public relations job. The plot splits into two parallel universes, based on the two paths her life could take depending on whether she catches a London Underground train or not. (imdb.com)

The film is amazing and of course so is Gwyneth Paltrow. There are all these little moments in our lives that happen everyday i.e. the street we take when we walk to the store, the daily drive home on the same freeway, choosing to go to Ralph’s market instead of Trader Joe’s, you get my drift. These are tiny blips on the radar of our lives, but these little decisions, can have huge consequences on our lives. And in the film we see this play out. So, why am I having an existential moment…yet again? Because, last night, at the Lenny Kravitz concert, I had a ‘Sliding Doors’ moment. Let me break it down real quick…

My sister and I have been on a summer concert tour of sorts. We’ve gone to music and food festivals all summer, and last night, we watched the amazingly sexy, and insanely talented Lenny rock out. My sister has never really been into Lenny, but I have since about the age of 13, but she quickly changed her tune when she had the “Lenny” experience last night!

When I was purchasing the tickets online, I kept going back on forth on where I wanted us to sit. I changed my mind so many times, kept looking at the seating chart, then finally decided on the seats I eventually bought. We arrived at the greek about fifteen minutes after his opening act began, bought a few drinks, and headed inside. No one was sitting in the two seats next to us, and we were feeling excited and kind of happy that we’d have leg room to move around. Continue reading

No, I Don’t Want to Hang Out With You

 No, I Don't Want to Hang out with you
Remember when you went on dates? No, better yet remember when you would spend an afternoon getting ready for your date that night? Hair done, nails done, new outfit, manicure and pedicure…and wait, sometimes even new shoes too?! What happened to that? Am I just old, or has dating really died? Everyone is just “hanging out” and I’m not hanging out or in with anyone. Everyone is hanging out without me and I’m okay with that. I don’t want to hang out with someone, I want to date someone, fall in love, and ride off into the sunset on the magical unicorn I have mentioned once or ten times, on this blog. So, men of the world, please for the love of all things holy, stop asking us to “hang out” with you!

“Hanging out” is not a first date. Hold on let me address something else as well: Netflix and pizza is not a first date. I will repeat myself: NETFLIX and PIZZA is NOT A FIRST DATE. I’ve been seeing this ignorant post on Instagram about how Netflix and pizza is not a cheap date because of the following fees: rent, electricity, playstation, etc. And, this stupid post, actually has a plethora of likes and laughing emojis on it. Not to mention it also states that women are bitches and there are many women who have “liked” this post. After I clutched my pearls, and gathered my composure, I considered the sheer idiocy behind this thought. Paying rent for your apartment/home whatever, is your choice, so is the fact that you bought a gaming station, and a monthly subscription to Netflix, which was not purchased with the idea of, “Man, I am going to get laid so hard for this” so can we stop with this dumb ass train of thought?

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, let me revisit my issue with hanging out as a first date. When you like someone you clearly want to make an effort to spend time with them, and get to know them, right? Doing an activity together like hiking, lunch, biking, wine tasting, dinner, movie in the park…you get my drift, are just a few of the myriad of ways you can get to know someone. I hang out with people I know, like my dad, sister, and my short list of friends. I do not want to hang out with you on our first date…I want to get to know you on a much deeper level. Continue reading

5 Signs He’s Just Stringing You Along

5 signs

1) He Only Texts You

Can I just start this off with a short rant on my love/hate relationship with texting? Yes…great, because, here it goes. I love texting and I friggin’ hate it so much. Mostly I hate to for the same reasons why I love it! Argh…I am just a mix of emotions on this topic. Texting is great for those of us who don’t want to spend hours on the phone, but here’s the thing, I don’t want to spend hours on the phone, I want to spend hours interacting with you, face-to-face! Texting is very impersonal and there’s this new era of young whipper snappers (i.e. the 25 and under crowd), who are really satisfied with a goodnight or good morning text and feel as though that means he, “really likes me.” Ummm…whatever happened to actual voice conversations, and preferably the ones that take place among each others actual company.

Texting is easy. Texting is non-committal. Texting is the step-sibling to actual time and commitment. I kid you not, I met a guy one year ago, and he has been texting me ever since. We have not seen each other or spoken on the telephone. A year people! I in no way take him seriously, and you shouldn’t either. Yes, texting is fun and who doesn’t love a great back-and-forth, but actual time spent together is an investment in your foreseeable future. Good morning texts and goodnight ones for that matter, do feel really good, but not when it’s never been backed up with anything more than just that. If he is only texting you, then he has absolutely no intentions of investing actual time in you. Let it go.

2) He Never Gives You Details About His Life

Let’s re-visit one of my examples from number one, and refer back to the guy who has been texting me for over one year now. I once asked him what he did for a living and his verbatim response was, “Live life!” as though he was utterly offended that I would have the audacity to ask him a question about himself. That…that right there is what I’m talking about. If you don’t know small or large details about his life, it’s because he doesn’t need you to know. Why would he not need you to know? Because you don’t matter enough to share his life. You are not part of his future plans, so why would he take the time to let you really get to know him better?

Where does he live, are his parents still together, what are his plans for the next five years of his life, can you name his friends and have you spent time with them? I mean really, if he won’t answer even basic questions, or better yet freely tell you about himself, it’s because he has no plans of making you a permanent fixture in his life. Let it go. Continue reading

6 Nights of Bedroom Fun to Try Immediately

6 nights

1) Sensual Dancing: I know what you’re thinking…’Jonesie, I am not messing up my genuine hardwood floors by splashing water on myself while hanging onto a chair!’ Alright, I totally get that but listen I am not telling you that you have to re-enact this particular scene from one of my fave all time dance flicks ever ‘Flashdance’, but would your man really be mad if you did? When you throw on something sexy (or be a total sex goddess-vixen and go nude) and start dancing like you own the place-which you probably do, or maybe you rent like me, either way, you’re a goddess-he will be left speechless.

FLASHDANCE -1983 JENNIFER BEALS

Well, let’s talk strategy then shall we. To put yourself in the right frame of mind I suggest practicing alone or take it up a notch and attend a dance class which can also be fun! Grab a girlfriend or go it alone and let your inner sex goddess come through…I know she is in there. Put on that dress that makes you feel insanely sexy, or panty set that you payed way to much for, grab your man/woman by the hand, sit them down and give ’em a show.

Why not? Don’t worry about looking perfect, because you are gorgeous and honestly honey, you being “on beat” is not the point of this exercise. It’s not about sliding up and down a pole and spinning on your head-although if you can do that, I for one would like to take lessons from your limber ass-it’s about exuding your sensuality in a fun and new way.

2) Blindfolds: Having five senses is pretty awesome. I mean we touch, feel, hear, taste and see everything, which is fabulous when it comes to sex, right? Well, when you take one of those senses away, every other sense is heightened. Blindfolding your partner is a crazy sexy…ummm…hello see the above pic of JLo, her abs and that blindfold! Now, do we all have JLo abs and a young tenderoni to put a blindfold on us? No. And guess what…we don’t need six-pack abs, and a young tenderloin to experience this heightened state of awareness. All you need is a tie, scarf, or blindfold purchased from a store. Trust me when I say your partner will not object to this act…at all.

asos blindfold

Just in case there is any apprehension, then you should talk about why they’re such a damn square and maybe you need to dump them. Alright, that was harsh. They’re not squares and you shouldn’t leave them. Just talk about any misgivings your partner may have. Another way of easing any fear they may have is by talking them through everything you are doing while you’re doing it. Also, grab their hands and let them feel their way about you. Again, their four other senses are super sensitive right now and the sound of your voice, and being able to touch you without seeing you will literally drive them crazy. Continue reading

5 Ways to Ease First-Date Stress

5ways  

First Dates can be extremely nerve-racking and awkward, or is that just me? Finding someone interesting enough to have a first date with can be an obstacle in itself. You find someone you like, text or in very rare cases, actually speak to them on the phone, then you get asked out…yes!!! Now you have to figure out what to wear and this can be really difficult because unfortunately people judge each other first, based on appearances. So, do you wear a dress, a shirt, jeans, a suit and tie? Where are you going to go on your date? Dinner, a movie, museum, or coffee? Should he/she pick you up or should you meet them there? Should you flat-iron your hair or leave it curly? Get a haircut and a shave or wear your beard? Ack…this is too much! Here are 5 things you can do to ease the stress of a first date:

1) Talk to Your Date Prior to Meeting Up: Talking seems to be a lost art form that our parents once did after school, while listening to records on the jukebox and drinking milkshakes at the local burger joint. What happened to talking? Where the hell did it go, and can we bring it back? I vote yes. Talk to your date before you actually go on your date.

Don’t text plan the entire thing. I am not suggesting you have a three hour phone conversation about what type of cheeses you like, or your favorite wine, but connecting verbally gives you a sense of direction when it comes to how you feel about someone. Call them and discuss, what you both like to do for entertainment, or what you are interested in so that you can both enjoy yourselves on your date. How many times have you showed up to a restaurant that literally has nothing on the menu you want to eat, or suffered through a film or game you have no interest in for the sake of the date? Talk first, gauge your interests, and plan accordingly.

2) Let Your Guard Down Just A Bit: This is a biggie for pretty much all of us. We are a generation of people who constantly Tweet or Instagram how quickly we cut people off, don’t trust others, or are giving up on love. What the hell happened to us? Why are we so cynical and jaded? I think I am having an existential moment right now, but I digress. Letting your guard down-especially for me-is terrifying. Opening yourself up to rejection, heartache, pain and all of the other descriptive ways in which you can be hurt, is scary and can make you really nervous, especially on date one when you are already in a bit of a frenzied state. If you don’t open yourself up to all of the possibilities of love whether they be negative, or positive, then love will never find you. Let your guard down and allow them to really get to know the real you, which leads me to tip number three.

Continue reading

How First Date Sex Can Screw You Over

frstdatesex

First date sex can either be really great, super awkward or the only time this action happens with the person you are doing it with. Really great first date sex is just that…really great and may even turn into a few more dates that conclude in more great sex. Then there is super awkward first date sex that you do when you’re trying to get over an ex, or do because you really thought the guy/girl you met and talked to all night in the darkly lit bar was super cute, and the future love of your life. So, you get to their house and have awkward-you’re-not-as-hot-as-I-thought-you-were-but-I’m-here-so-let’s-just-do-this-kind-of-sex.

Then, there is the most repeated scenario these days: the one night stand sex, and you will either leave in the middle of the night, or fall asleep and escape at 6:00 a.m. the next morning. Why is it that waking up at 6:00 a.m. for work is literally the worst/hardest thing to do, but when escaping a one night stand, is the easiest action to accomplish and you didn’t even have your alarm set.?

 My friend came into my office and we had a first date sex debate. She stated, “I never give it up on the first date. I make them work for it…at least six months!” To which I replied, “Honey he can dump you after the first date, or just as easily six months later.” Here is my issue with first date sex: It can ruin everything! Okay that was super dramatic, but I have made the first date sex mistake a few times in my dating life, and I have come to the conclusion that it can speed up (an often one-sided) emotional attachment without an emotional attachment. The one-sided attachment formed is usually on behalf of us women, because once we surrender our body to someone we do form an emotional attachment to them whether we intended to or not. Continue reading

My Live-In boyfriend Dumped Me Over Text

dumped     
Relationships are hard. Relationships are amazing. Relationships are work. Relationships are beautiful. And relationships can be brutal. There seems to always be one person in the relationship who holds the “relationship cards” if you will. Meaning that they give less emotionally which in turn leaves them holding your emotional cards in their hands. Because you keep giving and giving to supply the emotional need(s) you are not getting from them. In my last relationship three years ago I dated a guy I’ll refer to as D…short for Douchebag.


D and I met at a time where I just began to exert my feminism and independence with confidence in my life. I had just moved into my first apartment-by myself-and returned to school. I felt amazing, beautiful, smart and accomplished. I also had absolutely no desire to be in a relationship or need to meet someone new, and I meet this D a few weeks later. Yes, weeks…four weeks to be exact.

I was not attracted to him physically, but after our first phone conversation, which can I just add, lasted four hours…I figured saying yes to him asking me out would not hurt. He told me he was part French and could help me with my French as I was studying the language in hopes of taking a backpacking trip there. He also liked the same type of music I liked, and was eager to explore LA, and try foods from all of the restaurants I told him I loved. 
Continue reading

My Date with the Jokester

     

My date thinks he’s a comedian. At least that’s how he acted. I felt as though I was his personal audience of one, and I did not know how to react to the perpetual spotlight he seemed to have carried around with him, along with his mic of course. The thing is we have had many phone and-of course in this day and age-text conversations and while he throws in jokes here and there, they are actually funny. What can I say he gives good phone! 

When we were out I expected to get to know the real him…no I actually hoped to get to the root of him, you know the meat, the insides, and see what was underneath the joking exterior layer he has presented to me since I met him over two months ago.

With this expectation in mind I agreed to our first date Friday night. We went the usual route and had dinner at my favorite Italian eatery (Al Fornaio) if you have not tried it, I suggest you do so immediately, but I digress. And followed dinner with a PinkBerry run and a movie. Pretty normal date activity, but there was something off, something that I could not quite understand about my date. He showed up late and did not call or text to say he’d be late.  


Honestly, I was not ready at our decided time, so I did not mind him being late, but it would have been nice if he would have acknowledged he was late, and at least apologized for it. Instead he made a joke about it. That was Joke #1. When he saw me he stated something to the effect like, “Oh I didn’t know this date was so formal…look at you all fancy!” That was Joke #2. Here’s my question…why not just say, “You look great.” Instead of making it into some weird self conscious thing? 

In the car on the way to the restaurant he continued with the jokes about helicopters and jogging suits and any other random thing he could think of interjecting into the conversation…we’ll just label those Jokes #4-#10 for the sake of this post. At the restaurant he seemed to have let his spotlight dim a bit, which I was very happy about, and we had conversation about all the regular first date subjects you tackle.
Continue reading