36 Life & Love Lessons

36-lessons

In a few days I will be 36 years old, which is insane. Instead of a boring post where I complain about getting older and how I kept grabbing at a piece of lint in my hair, but it wasn’t a piece of lint, it was a gray hair, I thought I’d keep it all fun and positive. Besides, I have learned a lot of love and life lessons along the way, you know, since my dating type is usually: douchebag. Love is the most amazing emotion in the world and we all want it, have it to give and need it, so here are 36 Love/Life Lessons I have learned through many doses of trial and error, blatant foolery, refusing to acknowledge the red flags, and by just saying, “screw it” and having fun. Enjoy!

1) No, I Do Not Want To “Hang Out” With You: Listen bro, you’re going to have to actually ask me on a date, or just go away. I can “hang out” by myself, gorging on cookies and watching Netfilix on my own. Our first date, needs to be an actual date.

2) He Doesn’t Want You: He has not been in an accident. Nor has he been captured by aliens. He has not been hit while riding his bike and is trapped in a ditch,  or too busy at work or school for you…he is just not into you. Let it go.

3) Put Down Your Phone & Talk, Face-To-Face: Remember when you’d meet someone and talk to them? Or, go for a drink, and actually not put your phone out on the table next to your dinnerware? Let’s bring that back yo.

4) Stop Talking Sh*t About Your Body, You’re Stunning: You know that having fat on your body is totally normal right? So are stretch marks, cellulite, and a regular sized ass. Stop putting yourself down! There is someone out there right now wishing for what you have. And if you’re like me and obsess way too much about making sure you always fit into your skinny jeans…then, workout, eat right, throw lots of cheat days in there, and be happy.

5) It Is Your Absolute Right to Have Wine & Chocolate for Dinner: This rule pretty much piggy backs on rule number 4. There is no reason to live life on a perpetual diet. Seriously, I am an actor and yes, looks play a big part in things, but so does my happiness, emotional and mental well being, and dammit, if I don’t have my wine, chocolate and pizza…momma ain’t happy yo. Everything in moderation of course, but I have my “Fu*k It” days when I forgo any cares and literally drink wine and eat chocolate for dinner. Try it, I swear you’ll be happier.

6) My Life is Dope, and I Do Dope Shi*t: Okay, listen up…I mean, read this, and pay attention because this is a huge lesson we all have to learn: WE ARE DOPE. Seriously, there is no one else in the world who is you, but you. Your life matters and even though it may not be exactly all that you want or hoped for…do what you can with what you have. Live your dreams and if you can’t live them right now to their fullest capacity, that’s fine, make moves to get yourself there. You are dope and capable of doing dope sh*t.

7) You Deserve To Be Loved Fully: Do you know what it means to be loved fully? When you are loved fully, you don’t have to question whether or not he/she loves you. This does not mean the relationship is perfect, because there’s not such thing. What it means is that you are deserving of love, phone calls, flowers just because, date nights, spooning, incredible sex, laughter, comfortable silences and all that love brings. You are deserving of a love that does not leave you wondering.

8) Absolutely No Complaining: This one is so hard, but changing this aspect of your life will literally change your mindset. Now I’m not saying that there are never valid reasons to complain because when I saw those gray hairs I cursed the hair gods, but keeping ourselves in a constant state of complaining will keep our lives stagnant. Stop complaining about dumb sh*t.

9) It’s Okay To Say No: Why do we always say yes to things we either don’t want to do, or know we have absolutely no intention of doing. For example, I don’t want to go to your kids birthday party because I hate kids birthday parties, so why am I telling you that I’ll try to make it? Because of a weird fear of telling you no, and looking like the bad guy. Well, I’m not going, and don’t want to go. That doesn’t make me a bad guy, it makes me honest. Just say no…you don’t have to show up to every function, respond to that person who’s interested in you, or go on another bad date out of fear of looking like a jerk.

10) Stop Giving Your Energy To People Who Don’t Value You: Stop wasting so much of your precious energy on people that don’t care about you or your well being. Why are you even discussing these people and thinking about them at night, ruining your sleep patterns and nights? This girl posted something about me on Facebook a few years ago, and at one point I was her friend, so I was upset by it, and literally let it consume me. I thought about whether everyone else from the high school crowd would believe her BS. You guys, I have lived life this way, constantly focusing my energy on people and circumstances that don’t matter. When you stop giving your valuable energy away to people whether they be an ex, current boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, co-worker, that does not value you, your life will change. Give your energy to those that cherish and encourage you, not tear you down. Continue reading

Let’s Discuss Birth Control

Let's Discuss BirthControl

This post is sponsored by Bedsider.org, all opinions are my own.

Okay kids here’s the skinny: I have written entire posts about condom usage and talking to your partner about what you want, need, don’t want, and absolutely will not do in bed. I’ve gone into detail about discussing finances with your partners and past sexual history, but then I realized I have yet to write about one other relationship aspect: Birth Control. Seems like such an easy thing to do right? I mean it’s all about a woman going to her doctor, grabbing a prescription, and taking it right? Oh man if it were only that easy…there are so many other factors to discuss, actualize and outweigh when it comes to you, your partner and birth control…

Birth control can be a pain in the ass. No, really, it can be. I have literally tried every type of pill, shot, patch etc. for years before I found what works for me. How many different types of pills? Umm…like 5 different types and they all had different effects on my body, one brand made my boobs swell up, which being an A-cup made me feel super sexy until I tried to sleep on my stomach and winced in pain. Back to the doctor…then I heard about the birth control patch, so I tried it and had an allergic reaction to it and went back to the pill. I kept forgetting to take my pill. Back to the doctor…she suggested the birth control shot, and I LOVED IT! Continue reading

How To Talk To Your Partner About Their Sex History

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Did you know you can buy condoms at the 99 cent store? Did you know there are condoms for males and females to wear? Did you know you can order them online? Did you know that condoms are the number one way to effectively protect you and your partner during a sexual encounter from STD’s including AIDS and HIV? So, if you are nodding your head and saying, yes, yes, I already know all of this…I have one question for you: “Why the hell are you not consistently using condoms with your partners?!!!”

A man in Missouri was recently arrested and charged with purposely infecting people with HIV. He was aware of his status and upon learning of it, slept with-according to him-over 300 people without the use of a condom, and without disclosing his HIV status. He is an unassuming guy who worked at the local grocery store in a small town that would probably never even catch your attention as being an HIV infected man purposely giving it to others. Knowingly having unprotected sex while HIV positive is a crime and happens more times then you know. Does this scare you because I hope it does.

There are so many reasons why this story angers me, but the main reason is that this man did not rape or force anyone to have unprotected sex with him. All of his partners were willing participants, and are now in danger of carrying and having passed on a potentially deadly disease to others as well. My anger is strong…my anger is overwhelmingly abundant when I read these stories because all it would have taken was one person to ask, “Do you know your status?” or “Let’s go get tested together.” I know this is not always an easy step to take…trust me, I’ve been there, but it is a life-changing/saving necessity.

Continue reading