Going on a first date after a dating hiatus is extremely nerve wracking. Little did I know that what I was wearing or how good my hair looked would not matter whatsoever in the first dates aftermath. What did end up mattering was a complete lack of self awareness on my part shown in the days after our date. That lack of self awareness ended up leading to a breakthrough in therapy, life and myself.

This was my first date with a handsome man I met a week prior while out with a friend. He and I made eye contact pretty quickly, and ended up in conversation later on in the evening for over an hour. We exchanged numbers, and not social media (I take no one seriously that asks for my socials instead of my number) and texted each other after we both made it home. Nothing outrageous at all, just the normal, it was great to meet you type texts. The next day, he texted letting me know that he would love to take me out and we went back and forth for a few days about our availability.

The date was set for the following week, and immediately my defensive walls went up without me realizing it. When he hadn’t texted me for a few days, I felt rejected and a bit upset. My thinking was, if he were truly interested, he would make more of an effort. I spoke to my married couple friends about it and explained the text exchanges between us. They called me out instantly! How dare them! Turns out they were right. My responses to him did come across as defensive, like I was writing him off. They told me to send a new text with days I was available for our date. I did just that, and he responded with a well planned date. Meanwhile, my wall of defense was still underneath the surface, rearing its ugly head, and rising like a phoenix from the ashes.