Maintaining friendships as an adult has proven to be difficult for me. Mentally cataloging the varied people who have moved in and out of my life during my adulthood is exhausting. At times I struggle to wrap my head around why someone is no longer in my life. I also find myself simultaneously grateful certain people have exited my life. The older I get, the more I realize just how complicated adult friendships can be. So, why are adult friendships so hard?

There have been a myriad of friends who are no longer present in my life. From the girlfriends I partied with, the friends I picked up after a big break-up, and people resurrected from my high school days. Not one single individual from those groups are currently apart of my life, and I don’t miss them…at all.

In elementary school I had one friend, Summer. We spent our weekends together, and would talk on the phone all night after school. As kids, our friendship revolved around each other and was distraction free. Admittedly, New Kids on the Block were a huge second in our lives, but we put our friendship first. In adulthood, those days no longer exist.

As a thirty-something single creative who works several jobs, I have to remind myself to call/text my best friend. Yes, friend, singular, as in, one. I have one true friend. Everyone else are just really dope, talented, interesting, incredible people I am lucky to know. They float through my life in waves, and bring with them their uniqueness that makes me adore them.

My best friend and I have been friends for over twenty years now. She held me as I cried at my Mom’s funeral. I held her as she cried through her Father’s. The deaths of our Grandmother’s, the birth of her two children, break-ups, and everything else in-between. We don’t talk everyday, or spend every weekend at each others homes, we are always there for each other.

For me, friendship as an adult means being there for my best friend no matter what. Checking in with each other when we can and understanding there will be weeks when we can’t because…life. Adult friendships include knowing that you will grow apart at times when our lives take different lanes. That loving one another enough to come back together and find a common road is necessary. As a writer/actor my life couldn’t be any more left field from my best friend. She works in the medical field, owns her own home, has two kids and a man. While our lives are opposites, the love and respect we have for our friendship remains the same.

That’s the thing about friendships; you mature and understand that not everyone is meant to grow with you on your life journey. Some people will hurt you, break your heart, love you, fill you with joy, stay and leave. Maintaining adult friendships can be difficult due to life stressors we don’t experience until adulthood. With having pressures like mortgages, life insurance, giving birth, marriage, etc. our friendships take on an entirely new meaning. Adult friendships are hard to maintain, but when you have a true friend in your life, is entirely worth it.

How do you maintain your adult friendships? Sound off in the comment section below!

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