That Ex that Won’t Go Away

Exes are like boomerangs, every time you got over them, they return. It’s like they all have this weird telepathy and can sense when you are happy and ready to move on. They sniff around you innocently at first, just as you begin anew with someone else…Boomerangs (that’s what we will forever be referring to them as, okay?) work in stages:

Stage (1) Internet Ploys: One day you are scrolling through pages on the Internet, say for instance you are looking to buy that killer pair of shoes you’ve had your eyes on for a few weeks, then while looking an ad pops up asking you to ‘click here’ to receive an additional 20% off your purchase! You are stoked, so of course you click on it and what happens? A virus downloads to your computer. That’s what your Boomerang does to you when he/she sniffs you moving on with someone new. They try and breakdown your new found joy.

Stage (2) Texting Rouses: The texting rouse is an oldie, but goodie in the Boomerang circle. Remember that time when you were little, and pretended to be sick for attention? That’s the type of technique the Boomerang is employing here…They love to text you to a) see if you have erased their number or not, b) to bait you into responding, c) to test how quickly you will respond to them, and d) to see if you’ll still have sex with them (let’s just be real here folks)

Stage (3) Emotional Play: This is the most crucial tactic a Boomerang will use as their weapon of choice. Am I the only one who stays up late, and always sees the ASPCA commercial with Sarah McLaughlin singing, ‘In the arms of the angels’, while a three-legged dog has a talk bubble over their head asking, “Why did they beat me?”, and you feel like crap because all you want to do is immediately change the channel as soon as you hear the music…Well, your Boomerang is using this technique on you, and you have just entered phase three. Phase three is the most serious of stages because emotional play also involves psychological warfare…

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