He Cheated, Now What: Does the “Cheaters Gene” Really Exist?


Cheating is super fun for some people. Like, “Thrill Seekers” who are literally turned on not so much by the act of cheating, but by the possibility of being caught while doing so. Cheating has gone on since the beginning of time whether it be on a test (which we all did in high school…damn algebra), or on our partners. Why do we cheat? Is there a true genetic predisposition to be a “cheater” or have we all just lost our sense of impulse control?

First, we have to look at why constitutes cheating on your partner. Here is where things can get tricky because we all have our own interpretations of what cheating actually is. For some its dancing with someone that is not their partner at a club, or watching porn. Other people feel texting someone that is not their partner is cheating. Those acts are not even physical, but can be considered cheating. Then, there are the physical acts of kissing, touching or having sex with someone who is not your partner.

Emotional cheating is perpetuated by women more than men. Why? That’s an easy answer…we are emotional. I don’t mean burn your clothes, set your house on fire, key your car emotional (those are extreme cases that have happened, and can we ever forget Angela Bassett’s character setting her cheating husbands clothes on fire in Waiting to Exhale? Nope). Women are hardwired to express their emotions freely and are nurturers by nature, so we need a partner who is there for us both physically and emotionally.

What is emotional cheating? Seeking emotional comfort from someone outside of your partner in an intimate way. It’s not hugging your co-worker when your dog dies, its calling, texting, and spending time with them that creates a sense of security, which leads to intimacy. For example: you and your partner have a fight, and instead of talking with your partner about how you feel, you turn to another man/woman. Now, discussing relationship issues with your bestie, and discussing these issues with your cute coworker are different. You are creating a security and intimacy with this person in a way that may upset your partner. Would your partner be okay with the conversations that take place between you two? Has your partner met this person? More importantly would you be comfortable with your partner interacting with someone that way you are?
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For a While, I Was a Side Chick


Okay here it is the biggest dating mistake I have ever made: I cheated…well I helped someone cheat, I mean…alright I dated a guy who had a girlfriend. I know what you’re thinking, that I am horrible and I have to say at the time I thought I was special, different, and that he and I would ride off into the sunset together. I was naive thinking that I was who he really wanted to be with and that when the time was right-for him-he would break things off with her and we would live happily ever after. Ridiculous I know and while I am not at all proud of what I did the experience taught me so much about myself.

In this toxic situation I allowed myself to get into I realized one day that I completely put all of his needs before mine. I honestly believed he cared about me, and dare I say loved me, even if he hadn’t realized it yet. See, right there that’s the mistake I and most women make. We think we are going to change him as though we are a magical entity that will all of a sudden change his entire mindset because he has experienced us. That was a huge mistake and taught me that no matter what you cannot change a man, or believe a man will magically fall in love with you because YOU want him to.

Another mistake I made is believing that he and I had a special connection or friendship that I invested my emotions in. When I did that I allowed things to be said and done that I would not have put up with in any normal dating circumstance.

Why was I allowing myself to be used in the name of “friendship”? And more importantly why did I convince myself that this “friendship” was making me happy? I easily allowed myself to be manipulated and since he was so good at it I convinced myself that this was not manipulation, and that this situation would actually change for the better. This was me in fact settling. 
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