Okay here it is the biggest dating mistake I have ever made: I cheated…well I helped someone cheat, I mean…alright I dated a guy who had a girlfriend. I know what you’re thinking, that I am horrible and I have to say at the time I thought I was special, different, and that he and I would ride off into the sunset together. I was naive thinking that I was who he really wanted to be with and that when the time was right-for him-he would break things off with her and we would live happily ever after. Ridiculous I know and while I am not at all proud of what I did the experience taught me so much about myself.
In this toxic situation I allowed myself to get into I realized one day that I completely put all of his needs before mine. I honestly believed he cared about me, and dare I say loved me, even if he hadn’t realized it yet. See, right there that’s the mistake I and most women make. We think we are going to change him as though we are a magical entity that will all of a sudden change his entire mindset because he has experienced us. That was a huge mistake and taught me that no matter what you cannot change a man, or believe a man will magically fall in love with you because YOU want him to.
Another mistake I made is believing that he and I had a special connection or friendship that I invested my emotions in. When I did that I allowed things to be said and done that I would not have put up with in any normal dating circumstance.
Why was I allowing myself to be used in the name of “friendship”? And more importantly why did I convince myself that this “friendship” was making me happy? I easily allowed myself to be manipulated and since he was so good at it I convinced myself that this was not manipulation, and that this situation would actually change for the better. This was me in fact settling.
Settling is something so many people do and I found myself in the same type of situation I have openly judged other women for. How did I become one of “those girls”? Because in my mind I didn’t see it that way. I felt as though I was in control of the situation. I controlled when he saw me, what happened when we were together, and everything else in-between right?
I was allowing myself to be controlled by a toxic person and situation. I lowered my standards, morals, and self-esteem to please someone that never had any real intention of leaving his girlfriend in the first place. And why would he leave her for the girl who allowed him to cheat on his girlfriend with her, and allowed herself to be the sidechick. No man wants to wife the sidechick. The sidechick is good for two things: sex and ego boosting.
Sidechicks are the ultimate ego boost for a man. Just think about it: she allows him to treat her with disrespect by calling her whenever he wants and always answering his beckon call, which is usually late at night. She allows him to lay in her bed at his leisure and he did pretty much nothing to even earn a spot there.
She never questions him about any of the choices he makes, or asks for explanations about anything. She gives him all of her without even being asked. She gives him complete control over her life often not going out with her friends when he calls, or letting him come by for a late night booty call at 2a.m. although she has to be at work at 7a.m. the next day. The sidechick is absolutely the easiest choice as he literally has to do nothing, but pay attention to her, convince her in some way she matters, and she allows herself to be manipulated by her own emotions.
In the end I prayed about the situation, and kicked him and his manipulating ways to the curb. But more importantly I gained something that during this entire toxic relationship was missing: self-esteem. I am usually a confident assured woman who knows that I am loved, smart and kind, but all that faded by the wayside every time I picked up that phone when he called, allowed him to come over, or answered his beckon call.
That’s the thing about being a sidechick, you have to really take a step back, and gain some perspective on the choice you made to be in that situation. I made a bad decision and I removed myself from it and gained a whole new confident and emotionally secure me. There is no saving the best for last, you should never be his last choice…you should be his first and only choice.
Have you ever cheated on your partner or stayed in a toxic relationship? Sound off in the comment section below!