I Never Got to Wear My Wedding Dress


One day in 2009, Halloween to be exact, my mom and I went shopping at the mall and began looking for wedding dresses. Let me set the scene; my ex-boyfriend and I had been together over one year and he wanted us to move in together. I did not. I have written about him before…he’s the jerk I lived with and broke up with me over text message. Yes, that happened. Anyway we moved in together after all, and things were going well…and when he told me he wants to marry me I said, sure.

The conversation pretty much went like this: Him: We should get married…maybe next summer? Me: Okay, maybe we can go to Jamaica. So…ummm…yes that’s how the conversation went. I mentioned it to my mom a few months later and here we were in the mall on Halloween and decided to go look at wedding dresses. First we went to Saks. My mom wanted to buy me one of those ten thousand dollar wedding dresses, and I thought that was the craziest idea ever, because who the hell really needs a dress that costs that much? I had the brilliant, (but not highly favored by her), idea to go over to the David’s Bridal store across the mall parking lot and just well, grab something.

 When I walked into the store the sales woman immediately approached us and started asking me so many questions, and at such a speedy rate, that I just nodded yes to everything. Literally, anything she asked, said, or did, I just said yes! I don’t know why I became so discombobulated when she was firing all of these questions and suggestions at me, but I did. I honestly felt scared. Remember when you were little and your parents would turn off the light in your room, and you’d look over at your closet, knowing nothing was really in there, but convincing yourself that something or someone was? That’s how I felt. Like there was this monster inside the closet and I couldn’t figure out why.

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Does Watching Porn Hurt or Help Your Relationship?

There is something primal and raw about porn. It either brings out the carnal erotic/sexual needs in a person, or makes you feel like all those super cool, amazing, highly skilled moves you have perfected throughout the years…are not that amazing after all. Women are more likely to watch porn these days as it has pretty much integrated itself in our everyday visuals.
Whether its a movie on Lifetime, or a music video on MTV, porn and its effects on our society are everywhere. Girls dress skimpier, singers emulate sexual acts in their performances, and you cannot go to a club or bar without experiencing those chicks that pretend to be gay and make out with each other for attention. And trust me in LA that happens everyday in a bar or club, hell it probably happens at the mall, library, market, shoe store, school…Okay I’ll stop. Back to the topic at hand…Here is the question of the hour: Does watching porn help or hinder your relationship?

Porn can have many effects on your relationship: It can be a teaching tool, it can be a mood enhancer, it can be an inhibition breaker, it can be fun, erotic, and sexy. But porn can also put you or your partner in a perpetual state of fantasy. You may began to compare your lover to the men and women in these movies. At times you may even form an attachment to an actor and think this is how your man/woman should behave when you are intimate. At its worse porn can become an addiction. My ex hid a porn addiction that I thankfully found out about. He would spend hours on the computer with the door closed, and he actually chose porn over being intimate with me. Here is the thing…I was not upset with him for watching it, I was upset with the addiction he formed to it.  Continue reading