Does Watching Porn Hurt or Help Your Relationship?

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There is something primal and raw about porn. It either brings out the carnal erotic/sexual needs in a person, or makes you feel like all those super cool, amazing, highly skilled moves you have perfected throughout the years…are not that amazing after all. Women are more likely to watch porn these days as it has pretty much integrated itself in our everyday visuals.
Whether its a movie on Lifetime, or a music video on MTV, porn and its effects on our society are everywhere. Girls dress skimpier, singers emulate sexual acts in their performances, and you cannot go to a club or bar without experiencing those chicks that pretend to be gay and make out with each other for attention. And trust me in LA that happens everyday in a bar or club, hell it probably happens at the mall, library, market, shoe store, school…Okay I’ll stop. Back to the topic at hand…Here is the question of the hour: Does watching porn help or hinder your relationship?

Porn can have many effects on your relationship: It can be a teaching tool, it can be a mood enhancer, it can be an inhibition breaker, it can be fun, erotic, and sexy. But porn can also put you or your partner in a perpetual state of fantasy. You may began to compare your lover to the men and women in these movies. At times you may even form an attachment to an actor and think this is how your man/woman should behave when you are intimate. At its worse porn can become an addiction. My ex hid a porn addiction that I thankfully found out about. He would spend hours on the computer with the door closed, and he actually chose porn over being intimate with me. Here is the thing…I was not upset with him for watching it, I was upset with the addiction he formed to it. 

Women do watch porn. There is a specific niche` market just for women called: Erotica. Let’s just be real most women do not want to watch that hardcore, super painful looking, never in a million years scenario that men want to watch. Most women prefer the “softer side” of porn (pun intended). I see nothing wrong with using porn to learn some new tricks, enhance your mood, or open yourself up to new experiences. I do take issue with men expecting us to perform like porn stars in the bedroom every single time we sleep together.

There is the dichotomy of the ‘Proper Lady’ but ‘Dirty Girl’: You must be a sexual prowess, and love to do any, and everything sexually with no questions asked. But, you must also be a proper lady in public and never show that ‘Dirty Girl’ side to anyone else. Instead of pushing a fantasy why not enhance your reality? Talk with your partner honestly about what you want and need to be satisfied. Comparing him or her to a paid actor does not make them feel wanted. It makes them feel like what they want or need is not important. And, that they are not who you really want!

When you are in a relationship you enjoy, and are in love with someone, that emotion opens you up more intimately. You want to please them and want to indulge their fantasy scenarios. Some women have serious reservations when it comes to watching porn and may need to be eased into feeling comfortable with it. And then there are some women (and men) who absolutely refuse to go there. There is a stigma attached to it even now.

I have friends who feel their man is cheating on them by watching porn, and then there are the those that are alone in a dark room with it on repeat all day. Learning to separate reality from fantasy is an issue for many couples and women. I think as long as you and your partner discuss boundaries, wants, needs and experiences together, and without judgement that porn can be a helpful tool (when needed) in your relationship.

I’d love to know how you all fee about his issue…Weigh in with your comments below:

     Has your relationship been helped or hindered because of porn?
     Do you think your man is cheating on you if he watches porn?
     Is there a negative stigma attached to watching porn?

Would you be offended if your partner asked you to watch with them?

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