Online dating has taken over every one’s life in some form or another right? Whether its your old high school crush reaching out to you on Facebook, a cutie pie sending you a direct message on Twitter, or joining a specific online dating site, this seems to be the primary way people are meeting one another these days. So, I decided I would try it out for myself and see how it goes. Let me state that a few years ago a guy that had a crush on me in high school did find me on Facebook and we dated, and quickly fell in love to which I got scared, and did my usual ‘Let me push him away and run as fast as I can for that long winding road that leads out of town’ and we subsequently broke up. The adventures I had in the past month online dating were something totally different.
I decided to test the online waters gently at first and began direct messaging with a Twitter friend. Of course I will not say his name, and he is also well known so I really won’t give to much info about him. Me and Twitter friend started direct messaging each other and having polite conversation, and I decided to be bold and give him my number. Yup, I just threw it out there and homeboy hadn’t even asked for it! We began texting right away and here’s just a snippet of one conversation:
Him: “I don’t usually like goodie two shoes…”
Me: “What type of girls do you usually like?”
Him: “I like dirty girls…Aggressive girls that will chase me. Is that wrong?”
Me: “I can’t judge you for your preferences, but are you saying you want me to chase you?”
My twitter friend was not the reality to the fantasy I had hoped for in my head. Along with telling me he wanted me to chase him, he was sporadic with his texting, never actually picked up the phone to call me, and never asked me any questions about, well…me! This type of weird exchange went on for a good month and ended with him asking me if I was looking for a boyfriend or fun, to which I replied I was looking for a relationship, and he had a long one word answer to: Oooooohhhhhh… That ended that folks.
Cut to my co-worker telling me about a dating site I had never heard of called OkCupid. Yes, I know I am so wrong for not knowing about this site, but I mainly knew of the fee for service online dating sites such as Match and eHarmony. My co-worker tells me that there are a good mix of men on the site and updates me on the progress she is making, so I decide to join and see what happens. I joined pretty giddy with excitement if I must say. I am also pretty paranoid since I watch crime shows like Stalked, Dates From Hell, Disappeared etc…you get my drift, and I couldn’t help but be a bit creeped out and scared. After realizing that I am careful and guarded-probably to a fault-I threw my paranoia to the side and opened myself up to all possibilities.
For those unaware of how OkCupid works let me quickly break it down: It’s much like the fee for membership sites in the way that it asks you questions to wade out personality matches like Match and eHarmony, but it is free to join for basic membership. If you upgrade, which the site is constantly trying to get you to do, you can browse through members profiles undetected and see who has rated you 4 or 5 stars.
Oh wait, I didn’t tell you about the rating system? OkCupid literally has a rating system of actual stars under there members pictures that they send to you daily as probable matches and asks you to rate them, and if you rate someone 4 or 5 stars the site notifies that member. Unlike eHarmony, OkCupid allows you to browse member profiles whenever you would like. An unlike Match it does not offer the “wink” you can send to a member, but encourages you to actually start conversation immediately by messaging a member.
It is amazing the bravery and audacity that the men displayed when they would send me messages. One guy sent me a dissertation about his life, expectations, dreams, desires, and childhood memories. Another guy sent me a message saying, “Ugh, you’re so damn hot it’s annoying.” Really, that is the message word-for-word. I was surprised by the amount of messages I received daily, and wondered where the hell are all these guys when I am out with my friends wearing four inch high heels that hurt my feet at the bar, but I digress. There were a lot of really good looking, smart and funny guys that contacted me, but I was waiting to actually feel an excitement about someone. Not the stereotypical movie scenario, but that guy that made me smile instead of wince, or cringe with discomfort when I read their message. Is that to much to ask for?
There is an option to also view who has looked at your profile, but I tried to stay clear of that section, because I figured if someone looks at my profile, but does not message me then they weren’t to interested in me to begin with. And seriously, who wants to see the people that rejected them anyway? On the site there is a section that asks what are the six things that you cannot live without and a lot of men listed sex as one of those “items”. Listen guys we all know you love sex, and we women do too, but when you list that as one of your six “items” you can’t live without you kinda come across like a douchebag. Then, there is the option to list what type of relationship(s) you are looking for and most men surprisingly listed long-term relationship as their choice.
The profiles or members I should say that peeked my interest most were the men that did not take the obligatory standing in front of the mirror without a t-shirt on pic, and the guys whom took the time to tell you who they were and what they were really about. Even the guys that said all they wanted was sex, at least they were being honest, and giving you the freedom (which I did) to pass them by.
Some men played the Knight in Shining Armor role and stated they were looking for their princess, and I am genuinely hoping they find her. Online dating can be really fun, but I would recommend going into it cautiously, so you don’t get catfished, and with an open mind. Online dating has been a success for a few friends of mine: One friend married and had a child with the man she met online, and my other girlfriend met her boyfriend of the past two years on Plenty of Fish, another free online dating site.
Online dating does take longer to build up to an actual date as you have to message someone, then exchange numbers, then talk, then maybe meet up for a date. When you meet a man or woman at a bar, or whatever outing you are on you have that face time to initially gauge if you have an attraction to that person. You see his or her face, hear their voice, and are able to immediately strike up conversation with them. Online you have to actively find someone, or be searched out. Take that time to message, wink or give somebody 4 out of 5 stars. You also have to come up with a witty or non-creepy message so they message you back without trepidation.
After messaging you have to build up to asking them for their number and subsequently asking them out on a date. All while not knowing for sure if who you see online is who you will meet in person. There are pros and cons, but the one thing I do like with online dating is that you seem to take more time to get to know someone based on their personality, as that is what you mainly have to go on.
I would recommend online dating, but again with caution. Never give away your personal information. Never meet someone for the first time at their home no matter how long you have been messaging or talking to them. Always meet them in a public space, and do not invite them to your home either. Be smart and inform a friend or family member where you will be meeting them and save their online profile on your computer. These tips are the equivalent of not letting a man or woman buy you a drink at the bar without walking up to the bar with him/her to make sure he/she doesn’t slip you something in it. Be cautious, but also be open to people of different races, and personalities.
Love comes in all forms and when you least expect it. Have I met the love of my life yet? No, but there are two guys that have been messaging me that really have great potential, and one of them asked for my number and we have begun texting each other. Hope he doesn’t tell me he only likes dirty girls…
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