Faking it seems to be the way many of us cope with people and events in our life. For example, we smile at the co-worker we really want to punch in the face, or pretend to like our best friends cat loving boyfriend when we meet him for the first time. And how many times have we all eaten a meal cooked for us by someone we love that we really hated, but said it was great anyway? Women are natural people pleasers and we learn the art of plastering a smile on our face, and being nice to everyone no matter how we feel about them. We are constantly told to be polite, kind and sweet because that’s how a proper lady behaves. While I do not feel we should go around punching annoying co-workers, or screaming our way through life, I do feel we need to breakdown the notion of being polite no matter what just so that others will like us.
The first time I was asked about having an orgasm I actually had no idea what the guy was even talking about. The conversation went like this: Guy: How many times did you, you know?” and Me: “Ummm…a lot.” Yes, that was my introduction into a topic I literally knew nothing about known as the Orgasm. I talked to my friends about the elusive O and realized that no I had not experienced it that first night and would definitely known it if I had! According to research between 50-67 percent of women have faked orgasm when with their partner. So the big question is why?
One way this type of people pleasing behavior seems to plague us is in our romantic relationships. Often women put the needs of their partners ahead of their own, and that includes in the bedroom. Being physically intimate with your partner in any way is an experience that connects you on a deeper level. It is one way of expressing your love, or lust for someone, and can be amazing, or not so great. The goal of sex or intimacy is not always just to achieve orgasm, but it is in fact a wonderful physical bonus of what takes place. Not experiencing that physical bonus does not always mean the sex was bad, and most times just means you or your partner have not communicated your sexual wants or needs to each other .
Talking about sex when your out with your friends having a drink is easy right? What about when you have to sit face-to-face with your partner and discuss how you have not been achieving orgasm when you are intimate. Some people (men are included in this) are so afraid of hurting their partners feelings-or lets be real, their ego-that instead of discussing what they are not experiencing in bed, they pretend to experience it! Being young and naive I faked orgasm to make my partner feel that he had done a good job. Think of it as a vocalized pat on the back. There are so many women (and men) faking it right now at this moment, and they are ruining intimacy and their relationships because of it.
Communication is so integral to any relationship and especially when intimacy is involved. As the saying goes, ‘A closed mouth does not get fed.’ So speak up ladies and seriously stop denying yourselves one of the most joyous physical pleasures you can achieve. Your needs being met should be just as important as your partners wants and needs being met. If you are uncomfortable discussing your physical needs, or are unsure of exactly what you need to achieve physical nirvana then do your research.
Google is your friend, so are blogs, books, your actual friends, and if need be sexual/relationship therapists. Self exploration is also a wonderful way to discover what pleases you and you can show or relay that to your partner as well. There are also great health benefits to achieving orgasm folks, like these:
1) You sleep better because your body has just released endorphins which give you a sedated feeling (now you know why men usually fall asleep right after!)
2) Sex and sexual activity reduce stress…how amazing is that? So the next time your fighting with your partner grab them by the hand and lead them to the bedroom!
3) Sex and sexual activity also keep your lady parts healthy by all that amazing extra stimulation rushing blood into your genital tissue keeping it fresh.
Sexual intimacy is down right amazing! You feel happy, stress free, loving and loved. You are able to connect with someone on a deeper level through touch, sight, feel taste and sounds…Now ladies let’s just make sure those sounds are real okay. No one wants a faker, and if you think faking it is okay then think about how you would feel if your man told you he loved your new haircut you just got…Meanwhile you go all over town strutting with your head held high because you know you look good, and that your man loves it. Cut to one month later when while having a fight he yells out, “…And you know what? Your new haircut sucks! You look ridiculous!” Yeah, you faking it is kinda like that.
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Thanks for reading and don’t forget to comment below! xo Jonesie