“What is flirting and why do people do it?” was the question posed to me by a fourteen year old boy last week. I tried to think of my best flirting moments to answer with and one that recently took place popped up in my mind. I continued “Well, last week I walked over to a guy and complimented his work and the way he smelled. This lead to us talking and he asked for my number!” I felt so proud of myself in that moment thinking I was imparting some new found wisdom on this kid. He then asked, “Okay, but why do people flirt?”. Believing I am on some sort of Yoda like roll I say, “Maybe because its a way to feel out the vibe first and see if the person you are interested in, is actually interested in you. You flirt as a means of protecting yourself from rejection I guess.” This made me think…are we all flirting to protect or boost our egos?

Having lived the single life for many years now, I chose not to try and flirt with anyone for a while . There has been a lot of “life stuff” happening so I took myself out of the game. Thanks to therapy, I’m back! So, last week I saunter over to a very attractive man and strike up a conversation with him. We exchange pleasantries, I turn on the comedic charm, laughs are had, numbers are exchanged, texts are sent, jokes are made and then…NOTHING.

Let me say that he is not only good looking but seems like a really kind person. He is an entrepreneur, has a beautiful big smile, and as I said before smells really good. He asked me questions about myself, my writing, and showed interest in getting to know me, but nothing really progressed. No dates were made and that is okay. Everyone we flirt with does not have to like us back, but it is a risk we take anyway. Why do we do it?

Flirting is fun, exhilarating, awkward and sometimes nerve-racking, and we choose to do it anyway! Our egos love a good boost. At times when we flirt with someone and they reciprocate our needy egos feel like they have been fed. When we flirt with someone to feel out whether or not they like us too, then we may feel that our protective ego is being nurtured. We are able to actively see/feel if we can move forward in getting to know them more. There are times when we project our feelings onto someone and think they are reciprocating when in actuality they are just being friendly. Consensual flirting is also an important step to not miss as well. If someone shows and/or tells you they are not interested, or are uncomfortable, then you stop.

Whether it’s a compliment (this is my fave go to flirting technique), or telling a joke to make them laugh, a hair toss, or a head tilt (according to my friend who called me after I told her what my new blog post was about, a head tilt while talking to someone indicates your interest in them) flirting can be absolutely fun. If you are leading with your ego, flirting can feel soul crushing if not reciprocated. Either way, enjoy yourself, get consent, have fun, be awkward or funny, whatever works for you! In the end, no matter how independent we are, being liked/loved by another person truly feeds our spirit, so don’t give up on…flirting.

How do you flirt, and what techniques have garnered your attention lately? Sound off in the comments below!