8 Years Single, 8 Lessons Learned

8 Years Single

This May marked my eigth year of living on single girl lane. That’s the exit right off the I’m good on my own highway. In these eight years I have grown tremendously and learned a few lessons about myself, love and the opposite sex. So, without further ado…let’s get to this list. 8 Years Single, 8 Lessons Learned:

1) Speak Up: I can never figure out if someone likes me. Seriously, unless someone literally comes out and says, “Jonesie, I like you.” I never assume that they do. A guy could be blatantly flirting and I will mindlessly stare at him like he is a killer clown from outer space, and I am petrified with fear. Please for the love of all things holy just tell him/her how you feel! If they reciprocate your feelings, then mission accomplished. If they don’t, then it’s their loss. At least you released your emotions instead of bottling them up inside. Be a boss, and speak up for what you want. Whether it’s in a relationship, work issue or business matter.

2) Live Alone: Living on your own, in my opinion, is a must for everyone…especially women. Knowing that I can kill all the spiders in my apartment by my damn self makes me feel badass. Also, I’ve learned how to be okay with being on my own. I have my own set of tools, can carry an insane amount of groceries up a flight of stairs, put together an IKEA item, fix my toilet and finish an entire pizza all by myself. Goals yo.

3) Learn Your Money: Where is your money going every month? How much are you spending? How much are you saving? What are your plans for your money? These are all lessons I have learned on my own the hard way. Like, the extra hard, unnecessarily, what the hell were you thinking kind of ways.

My mom was perfect with her money. She made great money at her job, saved, paid bills on time, budgeted the spending for her and my dad, basically everything. My mom was a money wizard, and thankfully she taught me how to be as well. I still made mistakes that were dumb, and some of them necessary because it taught me how to “learn my money”.

For me, depending on someone else financially is not an option, but if that is for you and you are happy living your life that way I am not judging you. Even if you are, you still need to learn your money. Know how to budget, where your money is headed every month, and if there are costs that need to be cut. Money is the number one reason for discord in relationships, so you want to enter into one fully aware of your financial situations, and have a plan just incase of a financial emergency. Continue reading

90 Days on Match: 5 Reasons Why it Sucks

 match

1) There are over 100 questions the system asks you to answer to “Match” you with someone that has similar interests and then picks your interest based on none of those answers.

2) The Match.com system bases the matches they send you three common interest that are insanely frivolous like: You both enjoy dining out, Like you he likes dogs, and He enjoys watching movies. Really? Really Match? Really?

3) Match.com does not check the ethnicity preferences their members have chosen before they match them up to you. For instance 80% of the matches Match.com has sent me, have been members that only want to date women that are not black/African American. The members in most cases have chosen white/Caucasian, Latino/Hispanic or Asian as their ethnicity of choice.

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90 Days on Match: Fu*k those Match Commercials

match

Listen, all of these insane, never going to happen, literally not based on anything but one fact in common like, ‘You both like dogs!’, Match.com matches are absolutely ridiculous! Week four has felt like a complete waste of time. During weeks 1-3 I figured I had to give it time, and see if the Match system could work in my favor…damn that, this site is absurd. Why my anger? Those super fake Match.com commercials that air all day. This is why they annoy me:

#1) Match.com asks you to sign up to be a featured member, which will include being in a Match commercial.

#2) The people in the commercial literally look perfect.

#3) The daters in the commercial all have these “Oh so busy lives”, like running marathons, working in fashion, etc. and just have not one minute in their day to try and find someone new.

Leading a busy life is real. Working an amazing job is real. Going on a date with a perfect looking man/woman is real. What is also real is that Match does not in any way try to actually Match you with…well, your Match! I’ve already explained how their system works in weeks 1-3 posts so I won’t re-hash all of the semantics. What I will discuss or type, or bitch about is the lack of effort from this company and the overstated claims they preach about in these commercials. Continue reading

90 Days on Match: I Should Have Ignored You

match

Okay kids, here I am three weeks into my 90 Days on Match.com experience, and let me just say that although the only way you can get to know someone is by making contact with them…I sure as hell wish I would not have made any contact with, well…anyone! For those of you that may need a refresher as to how this series on my blog came about, please read my first post and catch up on the goings on. Now let’s get down to the facts. During week 3 on Match my profile was viewed 52 times, I was sent 13 E-mails, and received a few winks. Here’s where it gets a bit dicey…

I worried too much about how I was viewed by the men who e-mailed me. The guys that e-mailed me this week, were men that I had no interest in, and I did not want to come across like a jerk and just ignore them, so I e-mailed them back to “let them down easy”. Ugh…I feel like a total jackass just writing that sentence down. Here’s the thing. I have been ignored by someone before, you know, you text or call them, and they never respond. Or, you go out with them, even sleep with them and never hear form them again. We have all been there, so I did not want to just read their e-mails and delete them without at least responding in some way.

One e-mail was really sweet, the guy told me how beautiful he thought I was, liked my smile etc. and I e-mailed him back basically letting him know I was not interested and wished him luck on his search. He seemed to understand so this was the “I’m not interested” e-mail I sent to everyone. Well, some of them took my response as encouragement instead of how it was intended. This is one of the caveats of online dating…there is no filter, literally, these men say ANY DAMN THING THEY WANT TO. Most of them could care less about you not responding, or responding to let them know you are not interested. There is something thrilling about seeing that little notification next to your inbox and it honestly gives you a feeling of adrenaline, mixed with feeling wanted. Really.

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90 Days on Match: This Sucks

 90 Days on Match...this sucks
I recently read an article that fell onto my twitter feed about black women and online dating. The article stated that black women are the most ignored race on online dating sites. (Here is the NPR article in reference: (http://www.npr.org/2013/11/13/244991552/online-dating-asian-women-preferred) As soon as I read this I knew I had to test the waters and see what I could find. I previously wrote an article about online dating when I joined OkCupid, and was so annoyed with the entire experience that I literally only lasted one month in the online dating world! Cut to this article and I knew I could not ignore the statistics. I immediately signed up for Match.com as a three month subscriber and will be blogging my weekly experiences on the site.

Let me breakdown Match for those who may not be aware with how the site works: You can sign up for a fee-of course-and subscribe for three or six months, or can sign up for longer. If you do not cancel your subscription it will automatically re-start. After entering in basic information about yourself, you can answer questions to a quiz that asks you the types of matches you prefer.

During the week you are sent matches that are suggested by the Match computer and you can either skip, email, talk or send them a “wink” to let them know you are interested. Also, and this kind of sucks, there is a ticker counter on your profile that lets you know the number of people that have looked at your profile. That whole being able to see who and the number of people that view your profile thing can either crush your ego, or inflate it by the way… Continue reading

My Month of Dating Online

online

Online dating has taken over every one’s life in some form or another right? Whether its your old high school crush reaching out to you on Facebook, a cutie pie sending you a direct message on Twitter, or joining a specific online dating site, this seems to be the primary way people are meeting one another these days. So, I decided I would try it out for myself and see how it goes. Let me state that a few years ago a guy that had a crush on me in high school did find me on Facebook and we dated, and quickly fell in love to which I got scared, and did my usual ‘Let me push him away and run as fast as I can for that long winding road that leads out of town’ and we subsequently broke up. The adventures I had in the past month online dating were something totally different.

 I decided to test the online waters gently at first and began direct messaging with a Twitter friend. Of course I will not say his name, and he is also well known so I really won’t give to much info about him. Me and Twitter friend started direct messaging each other and having polite conversation, and I decided to be bold and give him my number. Yup, I just threw it out there and homeboy hadn’t even asked for it! We began texting right away and here’s just a snippet of one conversation:

 Him: “I don’t usually like goodie two shoes…”
Me: “What type of girls do you usually like?”
Him: “I like dirty girls…Aggressive girls that will chase me. Is that wrong?”
Me: “I can’t judge you for your preferences, but are you saying you want me to chase you?”
Him: “Yes.”
My twitter friend was not the reality to the fantasy I had hoped for in my head. Along with telling me he wanted me to chase him, he was sporadic with his texting, never actually picked up the phone to call me, and never asked me any questions about, well…me! This type of weird exchange went on for a good month and ended with him asking me if I was looking for a boyfriend or fun, to which I replied I was looking for a relationship, and he had a long one word answer to: Oooooohhhhhh… That ended that folks.

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