90 Days on Match: This Sucks

 90 Days on Match...this sucks
I recently read an article that fell onto my twitter feed about black women and online dating. The article stated that black women are the most ignored race on online dating sites. (Here is the NPR article in reference: (http://www.npr.org/2013/11/13/244991552/online-dating-asian-women-preferred) As soon as I read this I knew I had to test the waters and see what I could find. I previously wrote an article about online dating when I joined OkCupid, and was so annoyed with the entire experience that I literally only lasted one month in the online dating world! Cut to this article and I knew I could not ignore the statistics. I immediately signed up for Match.com as a three month subscriber and will be blogging my weekly experiences on the site.

Let me breakdown Match for those who may not be aware with how the site works: You can sign up for a fee-of course-and subscribe for three or six months, or can sign up for longer. If you do not cancel your subscription it will automatically re-start. After entering in basic information about yourself, you can answer questions to a quiz that asks you the types of matches you prefer.

During the week you are sent matches that are suggested by the Match computer and you can either skip, email, talk or send them a “wink” to let them know you are interested. Also, and this kind of sucks, there is a ticker counter on your profile that lets you know the number of people that have looked at your profile. That whole being able to see who and the number of people that view your profile thing can either crush your ego, or inflate it by the way…
In the past two weeks I have received 38 e-mails, my profile has been viewed 416 times, been “winked” at 20+ times, and have sent 5 winks out to men. I have yet to receive a “wink” or e-mail from a man I am attracted to physically/personality wise. The matches that have been sent to me are literally based on the craziest “mutual interests”! Match.com will send 24 matches a few times per week and they will come with the tag line: ‘You both like dogs.’, ‘You both dig dining out.’ or, ‘Like you he’s not a smoker.’ Ummm…okay Match what the hell does that have to do with any damn thing in the long run? Outside of the smoking thing, which, for me is a NO. I don’t care how damn amazing you are, if you smoke, you have to quit, or I’m out, but I digress.

Here is the issue with the matches they are sending me…Match is clearly not looking at what the men are looking for in a match when it comes to race preferences. Almost every single match that Match.com has sent to me has chosen a preference for their match to be every other ethnicity but mine. In other words they don’t want to date a black woman. In all honesty, there is nothing wrong with that. Really, if you want to deny yourself the amazing, fabulous, wonderful, brown, cafe au lait, greatness…then sir, that is your mistake.

Also, its an issue I’ll never understand, nor will I try to figure out because it is what it is, and everyone has a preference right? Why Match does not factor that into their computer when they are sending me matches, I’ll never understand. Side note: Let me just say that by denying yourself a person based solely on the color of their skin is-in my opinion-a huge disservice to your heart. Love is love, and not dating someone only because the color of their skin does not match what you want is something that again, everyone is entitled to do, but I in no way agree with. Stepping off my soapbox…carry on…

Outside of that issue, I have received many amusing e-mails and they have been from men of all races. The majority of men contacting me are White men, next are Black and Asian/Latino men have as well, but are more sporadic. One e-mail read: ‘Sexy.’ that’s it. That is literally all he wrote. Then, there is the guy who wrote me four e-mails over the course of two days. Let’s just call him ‘The Smotherer’. He is an older man, white, 45 years old, has three adult kids, one that happens to be my age (33), and he e-mailed me saying he thought I was beautiful.

I responded by first saying thank you and asking him to tell me about himself…why did I do that you guys?! He responded once…I did not respond because I was busy…he sent another e-mail with his phone number attached…I did not respond…he e-mailed me again and again!! Needless to say, he has been deleted. The over saturation of e-mails without even giving me a chance to respond, immediately turned me off. Give me a chance to even show you I am interested before you start bombarding me with, well…you! Too much, too soon.

Are you Dating Online? I’d love to hear your story, sound off below!
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0 thoughts on “90 Days on Match: This Sucks

  1. Anonymous says:

    Online dating is complex because it isn't the real world. It is basically a stat sheet of girls going thru to see if you meet what's on their check list. Im not the most attractive guy in the world, but I would consider myself above-average. I have high success in the grocery store, library the occasional night spot but online dating…..very stiff. Women seem to want an elaborate introduction message to say hello and sweep them off of their feet in order for a response. The problem is…well the women are the problem. I could be a great guy if you give me a shot. I am articulate, open-minded, and definitely well cultured. I am probably the most fun person I know outside of the people having fun with me lol. I have had some online success, but I feel like from a male perspective its overwhelming to try to meet the standards. For instance you said a guy said “sexy” to you…well all you did was wink and the guys you were interested in…both display interest, but he chose to do it with a word instead of a gesture…a little judgemental right? But I cant blame. The women totally…there are so many people messaging that its hard to respond and get to know everyone individually without responding to 1060 messages daily. All in all online dating is as valuable as filling out an inline job application for a company that receives thousands of applications, with a resume and not following up with the company via phone or in person.

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