This May marked my eigth year of living on single girl lane. That’s the exit right off the I’m good on my own highway. In these eight years I have grown tremendously and learned a few lessons about myself, love and the opposite sex. So, without further ado…let’s get to this list. 8 Years Single, 8 Lessons Learned:
1) Speak Up: I can never figure out if someone likes me. Seriously, unless someone literally comes out and says, “Jonesie, I like you.” I never assume that they do. A guy could be blatantly flirting and I will mindlessly stare at him like he is a killer clown from outer space, and I am petrified with fear. Please for the love of all things holy just tell him/her how you feel! If they reciprocate your feelings, then mission accomplished. If they don’t, then it’s their loss. At least you released your emotions instead of bottling them up inside. Be a boss, and speak up for what you want. Whether it’s in a relationship, work issue or business matter.
2) Live Alone: Living on your own, in my opinion, is a must for everyone…especially women. Knowing that I can kill all the spiders in my apartment by my damn self makes me feel badass. Also, I’ve learned how to be okay with being on my own. I have my own set of tools, can carry an insane amount of groceries up a flight of stairs, put together an IKEA item, fix my toilet and finish an entire pizza all by myself. Goals yo.
3) Learn Your Money: Where is your money going every month? How much are you spending? How much are you saving? What are your plans for your money? These are all lessons I have learned on my own the hard way. Like, the extra hard, unnecessarily, what the hell were you thinking kind of ways.
My mom was perfect with her money. She made great money at her job, saved, paid bills on time, budgeted the spending for her and my dad, basically everything. My mom was a money wizard, and thankfully she taught me how to be as well. I still made mistakes that were dumb, and some of them necessary because it taught me how to “learn my money”.
For me, depending on someone else financially is not an option, but if that is for you and you are happy living your life that way I am not judging you. Even if you are, you still need to learn your money. Know how to budget, where your money is headed every month, and if there are costs that need to be cut. Money is the number one reason for discord in relationships, so you want to enter into one fully aware of your financial situations, and have a plan just incase of a financial emergency.
4) Know What You Want: In my twenties I was not looking for a relationship per se, and kept dating jerks. It was like the more they ignored me the more I preferred them. Then, in my late twenties I entered into my first serious relationship (if you’ve been following my blog you already know the story) and that ended after two years. I had even bought a wedding dress, and for what? I didn’t want to live with him, but I did. I didn’t want to get married, but I bought a dress…in secret. During my twenties, I also attended a few different schools trying to find the right fit, all the while not realizing that I just needed to stop and figure out what I really wanted. Now, at thirty-six years old I know exactly what I want and am not settling for less.
5) Don’t Have a Type: I made the mistake of having a set list of features I wanted in a guy i.e. must be tall, perfect smile, muscular, dark hair etc. That was so ridiculous, but at the time I convinced myself that I needed him to encompass a certain look for me to be happy with him. And I wondered why I was only attracting jerks!
Having a specific type limits your chances of attracting your person. How many gorgeous men/women have you met with horrible attitudes that immediately made them unattractive to you? Looks have absolutely nothing to do with someone’s beauty. Focus on qualities not looks, and you will attract everything you’ve ever wanted in a mate.
6) Keep your Standards High & Check Your Expectations: Having a standard by which you feel you deserve to be treated is great. Expecting someone to fulfill every expectation you have for the relationship is not so great. If there is a certain standard you have i.e. he has to have his own place, okay, that’s fine. Does that standard include expectations of his place having six bedrooms, seven bathrooms, a walk-in closet and a tiger on a leash in the backyard? See the difference? The man you meet may not be at mansion living level yet, but may possess all the qualities you want. Give him a chance, and you two can build that mansion together. Relationship Goals yo.
7) Change for Yourself, Not your Partner: There are some things about myself I know would annoy the hell out of someone else. Like the fact that I clean like Oprah is coming over for a visit. Vacuuming makes me happy, and so does perusing literally every single aisle of the grocery store whether I’m buying something in it or not. I watch a ton of Family Guy, Bob’s Burgers and vintage films. I crave alone time. Silence makes me happy. I’m pretty much a weird loner who thrives on cartoons, bleach and writing. Now, are some of these aspects of myself qualities I am willing to change…not really.
Okay, well, maybe I can ease up on my rigid and psychotic cleaning ways, and if he’s really dying, I don’t have to go down aisle five at Von’s. Essentially who I am as a person right now is who he is going to get, and we will change and grow together, but that change has to come from within. Changing to fit or satisfy someone’s expectations of you will leave you bitter. We can all change parts of ourselves, but we have to do it for ourselves first so there is no resentment later.
8) Be Okay with Being Alone: Alone time and being alone are two totally different things. I crave the silence of isolation sometimes. Whether it’s to read, write or cook, alone time is a need for me. Being alone can feel lonely at times. Especially when you are spending your weekends Netflix and Chillin’ by your damn self, on the couch, in your granny panties, eating popcorn and drinking wine. Just me? Okay…we have to learn to be okay with being alone in order to fully appreciate what it means to have someone that wants to have us in their space. How beautiful is it when you are so amazing, there is a person that wants to share their precious alone time with you.
What love lessons have you learned? Comment below & thanks for reading! xo Jonesie
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