In 2009 I ended a two year-shouldn’t have stayed so long because he was horrible-relationship, so that summer, and following fall was all about having fun with my girls aka: Breaking hearts and taking names! That was then, this is now…In 2011 I made my fair share of “Dating Mistakes” that I will share in hopes that I never make them again. New Year equals a New Me! Here are the five dating mistakes I made last year:
Mistake #1) Making excuses: If he wants you, you will know! When a man wants you he shows you period. Stop making excuses for his absence or lack of attention. I go to school, work full-time, and started my own business this year, but I still make time for someone when I am interested in them. Listen if President Obama can orchestrate date nights with the First Lady then the guy you met at the bar, mall, or Barnes & Noble last week can make time for you. So I will no longer accept or perpetuate lame excuses. If you want me show me.
Mistake #2) Trying to change someone. Never and I mean never try to change someone to fit the mold of what you want or need them to be. If he is telling you from the jump that he does not want to get married, and you know that you do, do not think that you will change his mind about marriage. If he wants kids, and you know you don’t do not try to show him all the benefits of a child-free life to better suit your needs.
When people change to please others is not a genuine change. You change to improve yourself or your own life which will in turn make you more attractive to others. No trying to change him, either love him the way he is or walk away.
Mistake #3) Expecting way too much. When you put all your hope and expectation into someone then you are setting them up for failure. What I mean is when you meet someone and expect them to fulfill your every need you will invariably be let down. Living up to high expectations is something I have touched on in a previous post.
There is no Prince-or Princess-Charming out there that will be this perfect mix of all the qualities that you want, and fulfill your every need. He will be flawed and you will argue, and he will act selfishly, and he will disappoint you in some way, but does that make him horrible or just human? So, no longer expecting perfection.
Mistake #4) Giving too much too soon. Okay so you meet him-or her-and you like them, think they’re amazing and everything you’ve always wanted in a person, and you sleep with him three days into dating. Cut to two weeks later and he is nowhere to be found. There’s nothing wrong with giving into our desires and attraction whenever we want, but I’ve noticed waiting a while can help in getting to know someone for who they truly are.
Sleeping with someone early on is not necessarily a bad thing, and not all men just want you for sex, but what is wrong with getting to know someone before you sleep with them? Don’t get me wrong not all women want you to be their boyfriends guys, and sometimes we just want sex, so we will sleep with you and move on.
I am referring to the person that you really can see yourself being in a relationship with. Why not let yourself discover who they are as a person aside from sex so that when you do sleep together it means more then just reaching orgasm. So, if I see a future with you I want to know you as a person first, and sex will naturally come later.
Mistake #5) Listening to all your friends. We all go to our friends for advice and many of us-myself included-follow their advice. The problem with that is not everyone in your life is your true friend, and not all your friends are qualified to give you advice. Lets talk about the pseudo-friend…she is the one you mainly just party with, shop with, or occasionally talk with on the phone.
She has had nothing but a string of failed relationships in her life and is sleeping with a few different guys right now because they all give her “something different”. This is the girl who you just party with because she gets drunk and acts a fool which means you can get drunk and act a fool. You shop with her because she doesn’t talk you out of that huge and unnecessary credit card purchase you are about to make. You talk to her on the phone because she never tells you what you’re doing is wrong, or that you need work on yourself.
You know why she is all these things because she herself is miserable, she is sleeping with a few people out of insecurity, she is shopping while she does not have a job, and telling you everything you do is right, because those “right” actions are keeping you just as miserable as she is. I fell into this type of friendship with someone this year and all she did was bring out all my insecurities and amplify them.
She constantly gave me advice and told me what I should be doing and who I should have in my life, and looking back I realized that she is angry, misguided and insecure, which is exactly why when she decided she hated me I didn’t understand why. Then I had a huge wake up call. She decided she hated me when I had just started a new job that I really wanted, when I decided I did not want to party every weekend because after all you have to grow up sometime, and when I decided to stop listening to every damn thing she said.
To this day I have not ever responded to any of her comments and gossip she has spread, and I never will because once again misery loves company. So if you have that one friend who is always shelling out advice when her own life is in shambles take a step back and really look at what place her advice is coming from. Dating advice from friends can be clutch in times of need, just make sure the source is offering you advice from a place of love.
What dating mistakes did you make last year? Sound off in the comments below! Thanks for reading xo Jonesie
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