When you are driving in your car and you see a yellow light in the intersection you are about to cross do you speed up to make it through, or do you slow down because you know the red light is going to flash soon? When you are crossing the street and the crosswalk signal has 5 more seconds to go on the countdown do you dart out in the street making a run for it, or wait because you know you won’t make it across in time and don’t want to risk it? As for myself I wait for the crosswalk and may speed up at the yellow, but if you are that risk taker then this post is for you.
Recently my friend got into a relationship with someone very quickly. I put relationship in quotes because I don’t think you can call it a relationship after two weeks, but I digress. She immediately is smitten and spends all of her free time with him, and they even make comments about living together and how they would raise their kids.
In the meantime, he had a girl living with him that he referred to as his ex-girlfriend who is his roommate because she owes him money, and has no family here, and he can’t throw her out on the street.
My friend had accepted the story although she felt bothered by the situation. I know your eyes are already rolling as this is being read people, so I’ll get to the end of her tale and cut this story short. Turns out this “ex-girlfriend” had clothes in his closet, and was “on vacation” every time my friend went to his house, and the “Perfect Man” she was falling for turned out to be a criminal. And when I say criminal I mean the sick and dangerous kind you would never allow near your kids.
Now this story may sound like an extreme case of foolery, but is it really? Have you ever seen the show, ‘Who the bleep Did I Marry?’, or watched an episode of Snapped, or seen women on Dateline crying over the man they married being a polygamist with 5 different wives in 3 different states? I have, and I watched these men and women on these shows don’t listen to their instincts, and are completely blinded by love. Why do we take such risks with our hearts and choose to believe or turn a blind eye to what we know is wrong in our relationships?
My friend knew there were clear Red Flags and chose to ignore them because she wanted the guy she was dating to be the real version of her ideal mate she has always dreamed of in her mind. Too many times we ignore the obvious because we are afraid to be alone, or think we can change a person, or are insecure within our own selves and lack the strength to walk away from an otherwise negative situation.
When you ignore that little voice inside your head that is telling you this person is not right for you, you are only hurting yourself. Then you run to your girlfriends/guy friends complaining about how much of a jerk he/she is, and how crazy they are! You KNEW how crazy the person was you just chose to ignore the Red Flags that were being waved at you about them!
If the man or woman you are dating is constantly going through your things i.e. your phone that is a Red Flag that points to their insecurity and trust issues. If the man or woman you are dating feels they have to be with you 24 hours a day and check in to see where you are, and who you are with that is a Red Flag that points to some possibly deranged behavior later.
If the man or woman you are dating starts an argument with you because you have not changed your Facebook status to “In a Relationship” that is a Red Flag that points again to their insecurity and need for attention. If the man or woman your are dating does not get along with anyone in their family or yours that is a Red Flag. If the man or woman you are dating can only talk to you during certain hours of the day, or only texts you, or only sees you during certain hours of the day that is a Red Flag.
There are so many Red Flags that we see about people but we choose to be risk-takers and allow them into our lives anyway. I dated someone a year ago who literally won me over by lying about who he was…literally. Now it was not a huge lie it was a little lie you tell to give yourself a bit of intrigue/mystery when you first meet someone, but it was still a lie and it was a precursor to things to come with him because he lied constantly, and I ignored all the Red Flags because I wanted him to be the person I saw him as.
Taking a risk with your heart can be fun and intriguing at first, but you have to be able to pick up all the broken pieces when the fun wears off. You have an inner voice that waves those Red Flags, and it is up to you to listen to it. There is someone reading this post right now who this is a Red Flag for. Dating someone new is amazing and feels wonderful, but diving in blind and ignoring clear cut signs that could alleviate heartbreak later is not.
Have you ever ignored relationship “Red Flags?” sound off in the comment section below! Thanks for reading!