The Moment Your Mom is Diagnosed with Cancer

cancer-post

There is something that clicks in your brain when you are told that your mom is dying. I don’t know how to explain the feeling other than a mixture of adrenaline, fear, despair and a weird calmness that feels more like emptiness. On October 31, of this year my mom found out the pain in her back is cancer. There are 4 tumors total, all small in size but in different areas. She is weak and constantly in pain. I have been camped out at the hospital in-between work. Apparently the cancer is aggressive and it’s stage 4. Why the fuck did this happen? I felt angry and cried for three days straight. The thing is, this cancer is not mine, it is my mom’s and I am already mourning her as if she is gone. This is not the way to be…EVER.

The doctors can’t identify the point of origin from where the cancer is coming from. First they will treat the tumors in her back which are approximately 3cm with radiation-that begins Monday-then comes Chemotherapy. Prayer helps, although I have to admit, I was mad as hell at God. I thought how the hell could he let this happen? Why my mom? Why any one’s mom? She has literally sacrificed her entire life for the sake of my siblings, and myself. Constantly helping us through every damn thing. Helping my grandmother, aunt and uncles whenever they needed her, and this is how she is rewarded…with fucking cancer?! I am sure God hears these words said by millions of people when it comes to cancer. It’s an epidemic here in the United States, and I know God didn’t “let” this happen. He does not want my mom or anyone else with this disease to suffer, or even be infected with it. I apologized to God, it was my anger, and fear that got to me. I took it out on him.

ME&MELEA
This pic is pure mom…me and my sister Melea as kids. And yes, my mom dressed us alike…it was the 80’s and sweater vests were dope. Don’t be jealous. My sister and I have cried endlessly, but then decided that we have to fight and we have to be strong for our mom. Mom has always been the anchor of our family, and my person. I tell her everything and vice-versa. My sister and I have decided that we will have to be each others person from now on.
No crying in front of mom and no giving up. The Oncologists say they are fighting too, and we literally got blessed with the head of the Oncology department treating mom. The internal medicine doctor came in and said it’s a matter of months. My family and I believe only God knows when we are leaving this earth, not a pain medication doctor, but we know the odds are not in our favor.

How are you supposed to just sit back and watch the most important person in your life die? I can’t stop researching cancer stats and alternative supplements to help mom. Everything from ImmuneBoost which costs over $120 per bottle, to Mistletoe extract, Cannabis oil and Acupuncture. You can’t just accept what anyone says. You have to always fight no matter what. Mom taught us that. I never take no for an answer. One day at a time.

I told mom that we will get through this, and if God does decide to take her sooner than later, she can go knowing that my sister and I will be okay. Our hearts will never fully heal, but because she raised us so well, our strength and sisterhood will get us through. When I was younger my mom made our Halloween costumes, took us to ballet, paid for my piano lessons, took me to see The Phantom of the Opera for my tenth birthday, and was strict in all the ways we needed. Now she needs us in a way no parent ever thinks they will. We may be down, but we sure as hell are not out. Fuck cancer. Let the fight begin.

I’d love to hear your stories and experiences with this disease…please feel free to email or comment below. xo Jonesie

*Update: On February 25, 2015 My Beloved Mother left this Earth and continued her journey to Heaven. Mom, you made me who I am and words can never explain my love for you. Thank You.

10 thoughts on “The Moment Your Mom is Diagnosed with Cancer”

  1. 29tolife says:
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    Wow. It really hurts to read this! I'm so sorry to hear such difficult news. Please know I'm praying for and thinking of you, your mom and your entire family. Sending love and positive thoughts your way.

  3. Divorced Kat says:
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    My mom was diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer on Christmas Eve 2001. Stage 4, a 20% chance of surviving five years. It's 2014 and she is still alive. I know there are so many sad, terrible endings to cancel stories, but every now and then miracles do happen.

  5. paulareednancarrow.com says:
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    I am sorry for her pain, and yours. You are right. No one deserves to have their body betray them in this way. Praying for strength and courage for her, as well as for you and your sister. [And, yes, I am jealous of the sweater vests.]

  7. AnnaCris says:
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    OMG I'm so sorry doll. My mom was diagnosed with uterine cancer back in 2007 and thankfully it was caught early. I know exactly how you feel. When I got that unexpected call from her doctor, my heart stopped, my world stopped spinning and all I could do was cry and think the worse. Thankfully it was early stage and they were able to remove the cancer quickly with a hysterectomy and also removing the surrounding glands. I can't ever thank God enough and her doctor. Hopefully, your mom will be okay. There are so many natural remedies you can also try to boost her immune system. Let me know if you wsnt some and I will text you. Sending you hugs and many many prayers from someone whose been there. 🙂

  9. CF Winn says:
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    My mom has had cancer three times. My heart and prayers are with you, your sister and your mom. Hold onto your precious moments because eventually we will all go, if not by cancer, by something else, and the memories and experiences and love are all that really matter. xoxo

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