There is something that clicks in your brain when you are told that your mom is dying. I don’t know how to explain the feeling other than a mixture of adrenaline, fear, despair and a weird calmness that feels more like emptiness. On October 31, of this year my mom found out the pain in her back is cancer. There are 4 tumors total, all small in size but in different areas. She is weak and constantly in pain. I have been camped out at the hospital in-between work. Apparently the cancer is aggressive and it’s stage 4. Why the fuck did this happen? I felt angry and cried for three days straight. The thing is, this cancer is not mine, it is my mom’s and I am already mourning her as if she is gone. This is not the way to be…EVER.
How are you supposed to just sit back and watch the most important person in your life die? I can’t stop researching cancer stats and alternative supplements to help mom. Everything from ImmuneBoost which costs over $120 per bottle, to Mistletoe extract, Cannabis oil and Acupuncture. You can’t just accept what anyone says. You have to always fight no matter what. Mom taught us that. I never take no for an answer. One day at a time.
I told mom that we will get through this, and if God does decide to take her sooner than later, she can go knowing that my sister and I will be okay. Our hearts will never fully heal, but because she raised us so well, our strength and sisterhood will get us through. When I was younger my mom made our Halloween costumes, took us to ballet, paid for my piano lessons, took me to see The Phantom of the Opera for my tenth birthday, and was strict in all the ways we needed. Now she needs us in a way no parent ever thinks they will. We may be down, but we sure as hell are not out. Fuck cancer. Let the fight begin.
I’d love to hear your stories and experiences with this disease…please feel free to email or comment below. xo Jonesie
*Update: On February 25, 2015 My Beloved Mother left this Earth and continued her journey to Heaven. Mom, you made me who I am and words can never explain my love for you. Thank You.