UNPACKING EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE IN RELATIONSHIPS

Emotional Baggage: we all have it and some of us struggle with how to deal with it. When we enter into relationships we want to be able to unpack it all, dump it in our partners lap, and have them find the proverbial matching socks. Emotional fortitude does not come easily and depending on the environment we are raised in, is something many of us may learn as adults, which makes it even harder.

Last week I was in a room with a man and a woman who got into a heated discussion about dating, relationships, and emotional baggage. I sat listening to these two very emotional beings spar with each other. She, defending her beliefs and he determined to prove his exactitude. He used every tactic to sway her, from quoting the Bible to playing upon her emotions as she became more and more defensive. His take, ‘a woman should be a man’s solace. When he comes home from battling the day, he doesn’t want to come home and battle you too.’ Her take, ‘a woman should not be expected to just take/deal with all of your bullshit.’ 

Our emotional well being cannot be placed solely in the hands of our partners. It is ours to face. Having a partner that will be there for you during these times is an amazing bonus, but it is not their responsibility to rifle through all of our shit and sort it out. No one wants to come home and argue with their spouse, but here’s the thing, we all need to be able to vent about the way we feel, and talk through our emotional state and if you are going to be in it for the long haul, then you will be the one we feel safe enough to express that too.

As my two friends battled I listened to all of the emotional traumas, resentments, hurts and un-dealt with issues they released into the air. He as a domineering an ego driven man and she as a hurt, and scarred woman. Both still needing to learn how to soften their blows, let their guards down and deal with their shit. That’s the thing about wanting to find solace in someone else, you have to be able to create it within your self first.

We really are just a bunch of souls looking to connect with one another and find someone willing to tolerate our bullshit. Emotional baggage is absolutely normal and if you’re struggling with how to manage/deal with yours, then seek help. Whether that be through therapy, meditation, or whatever, do it! What we can’t do is expect our partners to be devoid of bullshit while simultaneously dealing with ours.

How are you handling your emotional well being? Sound off in the comment section below!

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