1) He Only Texts You
Can I just start this off with a short rant on my love/hate relationship with texting? Yes…great, because, here it goes. I love texting and I friggin’ hate it so much. Mostly I hate to for the same reasons why I love it! Argh…I am just a mix of emotions on this topic. Texting is great for those of us who don’t want to spend hours on the phone, but here’s the thing, I don’t want to spend hours on the phone, I want to spend hours interacting with you, face-to-face! Texting is very impersonal and there’s this new era of young whipper snappers (i.e. the 25 and under crowd), who are really satisfied with a goodnight or good morning text and feel as though that means he, “really likes me.” Ummm…whatever happened to actual voice conversations, and preferably the ones that take place among each others actual company.
Texting is easy. Texting is non-committal. Texting is the step-sibling to actual time and commitment. I kid you not, I met a guy one year ago, and he has been texting me ever since. We have not seen each other or spoken on the telephone. A year people! I in no way take him seriously, and you shouldn’t either. Yes, texting is fun and who doesn’t love a great back-and-forth, but actual time spent together is an investment in your foreseeable future. Good morning texts and goodnight ones for that matter, do feel really good, but not when it’s never been backed up with anything more than just that. If he is only texting you, then he has absolutely no intentions of investing actual time in you. Let it go.
2) He Never Gives You Details About His Life
Let’s re-visit one of my examples from number one, and refer back to the guy who has been texting me for over one year now. I once asked him what he did for a living and his verbatim response was, “Live life!” as though he was utterly offended that I would have the audacity to ask him a question about himself. That…that right there is what I’m talking about. If you don’t know small or large details about his life, it’s because he doesn’t need you to know. Why would he not need you to know? Because you don’t matter enough to share his life. You are not part of his future plans, so why would he take the time to let you really get to know him better?
Where does he live, are his parents still together, what are his plans for the next five years of his life, can you name his friends and have you spent time with them? I mean really, if he won’t answer even basic questions, or better yet freely tell you about himself, it’s because he has no plans of making you a permanent fixture in his life. Let it go.
3) He Makes Plans But Never Follows Through On Them
One guy I recently stopped communicating with would make fake plans with me every week. What are “Fake Plans” you wonder? That’s when he sends you a text (see stupid texting strikes again) saying, ‘Make room in your plans for me next week’ or ‘Want to grab dinner this week?’ but those actions never take place. Let me break this down: read his language – using words like next week or this week is his way of not making real plans with you.
Think about it. There is a huge difference between, ‘Would you like to have dinner Thursday?’ and ‘You wanna have dinner this week?’ See the difference that language makes. Intentions are made very clear in example number one, but in example number two things are vague. So he sends you the let’s have dinner this week text, and you respond that you are free this Friday. If his response to that is ‘I’ll know my schedule better by Tuesday’ you my friend, have just been the recipient of fake plans. Friday rolls around and you hear nothing from him, so he texts you next week with some lame excuse about being busy, makes more fake plans, and the vicious cycle just repeats itself.
Does he often flake on plans? Does he go missing after said plans are made? Do these plans ever get a definite date and time, with a follow-up call/text to confirm them? If you have answered yes to any of the following questions, then, please know you mean absolutely nothing to him in the scheme of his life plans. You are for short term relief whether it be an ego boost, sex release or whatever, but you need to: Let it go.
4) He Disappears For Days At A Time
This one right here makes me want to type furiously and with much anger. Why do guys do this? What is so hard about saying, “Hey (insert your name here) I don’t see this going anywhere…” or “I do not think you and I are compatible…” or even, “I just don’t want to be in a relationship with you.” I personally would rather be told the straight up truth as opposed to being strung along. The old smoke and mirrors is alive and well folks.
You had a date, it went really well, he even asked you out for date number two, while you were still on date number one! Then pow, bang, boom…nothing. He has magically disappeared. Where did he go? I know what happened. He was on his way to work, and while texting you good morning, he tripped over a dog, fell, broke his leg and left arm, is in the hospital, and suffering from short-term amnesia, and cannot remember you anymore. Or, or, he’s just not really into you. No one is too busy, so overworked, or entirely too stressed to be with you. Now, I am not saying you need to be with someone everyday for them to prove how much they like you, but what I am saying is you and I, deserve to not be left hanging.
Have you ever over analyzed every last text, phone call, or conversation and wondered what you did that made him disappear? If he doesn’t have the balls to tell you why he turned into Houdini, then you need to move on. If he wants you his actions will let you know. Maybe he had to leave the country on business, or his job is super demanding, but we all at least deserve a check-in phone call or text message. If he has disappeared and re-appeared on you more times then you can remember, talk to him, let him know how it makes you feel. If the pattern still repeats itself, well: Let it go.
5) You Are The One Putting In All The Effort
There is absolutely nothing wrong with going after what and who you want. Being up front about your feelings and letting a man know you are interested, in my book at least, is awesome. It becomes an issue when you are the one putting all the effort in. Meaning, do you always have to initiate all conversations? Are you always texting him first, do you throw out date ideas and invitations, do you cancel plans with your friends to be him, but he never re-arranges his schedule to make time for you?
Relationships in any form should never be one-sided. I had a friend who would always flake on me but was super fun to hang out with, so I would let it slide. The behavior became habitual and finally I just erased her number from my cell and deleted her from my Facebook friends list. Why? Because she was not really my friend. I should not have had to initiate all hang-outs and didn’t deserve to be constantly flaked on. These are the same expectations we should have when it comes to the men (or women) in our romantic lives. Why are we able to remove a careless friend from our lives, but make excuses for a careless man? Your time matters, your heart is priceless and should be protected.
Having fun in a casual relationship is all good, and by all means partake in some fun honey, because we all need it at times. When the time does come, and you are ready for a meaningful relationship, then don’t let someone (no matter how hot/fun he is) dick around with your time and emotions. You are beautiful, intelligent, and an all around bad ass who deserves all the love the world has to offer. Don’t settle and never be afraid to let it go.
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2 thoughts on “5 Signs He’s Just Stringing You Along”
I am glad I have stumbled upon your blog. I read your post on https://toliveanddateinla.co/5-signs-hes-just-stringing-you-along/.
That’s exactly how I feel right now. This may take a little while to type but I’m going to explain to you exactly what has happened. I’m a 20 something year old that has had one boyfriend and dated a few guys here and there. This all started with online dating. That’s how I met my first and last ex and the guys that I dated. Trying to date and having relationships seems so complicated.
Skipping,skipping,skipping to the present. This last person I had talked to seemed great. We began messaging online then offline. This would be the 2nd time? He has “disappeared.” The first time was somewhat in the beginning. When I was happily messaging him, answering his questions that he had about me….then I heard nothing from him for maybe two days or a few. I thought all sorts of things like most girls do. Then I decided to forget him. It kind of sucked bc I was getting interested in the guy. Then I got a call from him. I did not answer and texted “did you butt dial me?” he said no and we began to communicate again. It seemed like things were going well. We had some things in common,shared similar faiths, and what we wanted as far as relationships went.
We had went out last Saturday. I drove out to meet him and we took my car to Long Beach. I was a little surprised at first because we took my car. His car according to him was stolen. He offered to pay for gas. I declined and we talked all the way over to the beach. It was akward. But I kind of enjoyed that. And it had seemed that we were getting along. He was complimenting me and saying all sorts of nice things(suspected him alittle). We got to Long beach,parked and walked around. He suggested that we go get something to eat. I was surprised again….he wanted to get hot wings…at Hooters.
Hooters? Really?? He asked if that was ok and sure enough I had said that was fine. We walked around and he said he changed his mind and we went to another restaurant. I was fine after that. We sat down,talked, he was nice and complimented me again. Not just once. “Oh, you really have a nice smile.” This and that. I did my best not to buy into too much of what he was saying and how nice he was being. I tried wine for the first time with him(hated it). And he seemed totally fine and he drank the rest of my wine. So we left, then he wanted to go get some shoes at the nike store. He asked if that was ok and It was ok to me. So we go in, then he asks if I would like anything and I said that I was fine. Then he said he would like to buy some shoes for himself and for me too. He mentioned that more than once. I declined nicely. We left the store, went back to my car, then he was mentioning a kiss. We did not kiss in my car at that moment. He put his new shoes on then we left. While we were walking he asked to hold my hand. We held hands, then when we stopped, then he said to take his hand.
I felt happy, good, satisfied. Then he went on with his complients. He had said he wanted to take me to the ferris wheel. I agreed and we went on. He asked for “one” kiss While he was very close to me and had his arm around me. We kissed and boy he was a great kisser. We stopped, then he asked for another one. After we walked up to the pier. He was very affectionate and a little touchy feely. Then while I was looking over the rail, he came up behind me and hugged me. Not just once but 3 times, then we walked off together.After we got coffee, then walked back to my car. I drove back to his place. He said that we should continue to date and continue to talk. He gave me a peck on the cheek then I left. I had to go visit my grandpa. Later the guy called me, then I called him back. It seemed like we left on a good note.
Come Sunday, hardly nothing. Not even any calls. Come Monday
A good morning text,he even threw Babe in there. Really? Two calls after that. I called, he did not pickup. On my way to work
“I miss you lol.”I threw in a funny video clip that read “bless you.” His response, “thanks”
Nothing after that. I had mentioned a movie playing Saturday….Nothing. I sent a morning text…nothing…….
But what the Hell??! I don’t flipping get it!!! Why do all of that, mention dating again if Im left hanging???
I am lost and confused and feel hurt
First things first, thanks for reading and commenting. Secondly, I can sympathize with you as we have all been ghosted by someone in our lives! Here’s what you have to ask yourself: Do I want to commit myself to someone who has not committed himself to me? Has this person shown me how he feels in a positive or negative way? And, do I want to be treated this way? If your answers are no, then you have to move on. It sucks, its hard and honestly, the hurt you’re feeling is completely valid, but this boy (and I say boy purposely) is not interested in you in the way you are in him.
You deserve someone who will be completely upfront about what he wants. Meaning, if he doesn’t want a serious commitment, he will tell you from the jump. There are some red flags here; he lied about his car, let me just tell you that, but most importantly, he has clearly shown that your feelings are not important to him, and you deserve them to be. I can tell you from experience that more often times than not, someone ghosting you after pouring sporadic attention into your cup, says more about them and their lack of maturity, readiness and courage, than it does about yours.
Going forward, don’t pick up anyone on a first date. Seriously, meet them at a designated, and public area (your safety is imperative), and if they are not consistent with their actions, then pay attention to that because it is a red flag. Let them know how you feel and if things don’t change, walk away. Lastly, never be afraid to be upfront about what you want/are looking for from your partner. Lack of communication causes more confusion and endings to relationships than anything else. Good luck and I hope this helps! – Jonesie