The title is pretty cool right? Draws you in and you’re thinking, “What the hell is she going to write about? Sex…on her birthday?” well, not really. Maybe. Sorta, kinda. Excuse the grammatical errors but you know what I mean. With my birthday just days away, I got to thinking. When you are in a relationship there are milestones that you celebrate with your partner: Anniversaries, Holidays and Birthdays. Especially in those early months of dating where everything is fantastic and new. The stars are brighter, the sun is shinier and there is absolutely no wrong that your partner can do. Well, this post is not about the shiny and brand new, but the old and tarnished.
Birthdays are pretty dope right? I mean come on, we are celebrating the day we were birthed by our mothers. Sidenote: why don’t we celebrate our mom’s on this day? I mean shouldn’t she be the one to get the party, but I digress. When in a relationship, one of the many exciting experiences you have to look forward to, is sharing this day with someone. The wonderment of what they are going to do, or how you will celebrate is always fun. What if, though, you are dating/in a relationship with someone and your birthday turns out to be a huge bust? In my case, there was no Jake Ryan saves the day with a birthday cake, as we sit atop a table while I wear a pink bridesmaid dress a’la ’16 Candles’. There was…this…
In my previous relationship I distinctly remember waking up next to my ex at 6am for school and thinking, wow, today is my birthday and I don’t even think he cares. I walked into the bathroom got dressed, and headed towards the door when I saw a bag sitting on the coffee table. Nothing about it signified that it was special, it was just a shopping bag sitting there, so I looked in it, and there was a romper (shorts & shirt connected as one, and it was hideous). I looked it over, read the card, put it back into the bag, and went to school.
When I sat down with my classmates in Biology, I mentioned to them that it was my birthday, and the first thing they asked me was, “What are you and your boyfriend doing to celebrate?” That’s when it hit me…”we” weren’t doing anything. He didn’t even utter the words “Happy Birthday” to me that morning, no birthday text or phone call after I left either. Hell, he didn’t even bother rolling over and whispering it as my alarm went off that morning.
Something clicked in my head and I knew that this already toxic relationship needed to end. My ex was cold, unemotional, selfish and emotionally abusive. I put so much unnecessary time, effort and ridiculousness into this relationship because we were living together, and I felt I should do all I can to keep us together. I would go to school from 6-11am, then go to work from 11:30-3pm, then back to school from 4-9pm, and he never once offered to help me with anything. I did all the cooking and cleaning. He cheated, I cried. We argued, I cried. He ignored me, I cooked and vacuumed. The entire thing was a vicious cycle that I allowed to take place, but that day, my birthday, changed everything. All of the other crappy aspects of our relationship somehow did not make as big of an impact as that day did.
Your birthday is the one day that is about celebrating the fact that you are alive. You are here and your presence matters. Did I need him to validate that? No, but I deserved recognition and love for who I was. I never got that from him and as I sat in Biology class I was on the verge of tears knowing that through it all, he really didn’t even care enough to acknowledge my existence. The romper wasn’t even my style or size. How could he not know that after two years together and one of them spent living together?
That night when I got home there was no plan for dinner and when I happened to mention it he stated,”When we went to dinner last week, that was for both of our birthdays.” Did I mention that his birthday was a week before mine? I didn’t even need the damn dinner, I just needed him to even care enough to want to do it. He didn’t care, and I spent the rest of our time together emotionally un-invested and made finishing my degree first priority in my life, instead of him. One month before the lease was up, after he dumped me via text message (yes, the coward dumped me over text although we lived together), I packed up the entire apartment while he was at work and left. Never even got to have birthday sex.
Do you have a horrible birthday story to tell? Share & Comment below…Thanks for reading!
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Uptown Magazine: Jonesie
0 thoughts on “Birthday Sex…It’s Supposed to Happen, Right?”
I loved your article and sadly I can relate to many parts of it: mainly being in a dead end abusive relationship that slowly deteriorates your soul. I commend you for having the courage and self worth to end the relationship and rebuild yourself as did I. I can see that you are a talented and vibrant woman that deserves the “whole enchilada”. Thank you again for such a personal article.
Thanks so much for reading and supporting Kelly…glad you liked the article and realized your self worth as well! xo Jonesie