Social media does not ruin relationships…people do. There are thousands of ways to meet, find, look up, connect, hookup and explore people online. Online dating is a billion dollar business. Twitter has spawned countless hookups, and relationships. Facebook will reunite you with your elementary school crush, high school boyfriend, his cousin, and your prom date all within a few clicks. All of these outlets can bring you the love of your life, or the embarrassment of your life…Catfish anyone? With the influx of social media, texting, Instagram and every other ‘Gram’ of some sort available, there was bound to be a backlash.
I have been reading comments from men and women about how social media ruined there relationship. Many of these comments have been directed at or made after someone has been caught cheating. Is it easier to have access to men and women that you would not normally meet while working at Target? Yes. Has social media made it easier for the “Average Joe” to communicate with the “Unattainable Girl”? Yes.
Is it easy to fall for someone based on their Instagram pics? Yes. Does your ex really actually go away if you’re able to Facebook stalk their every move? No. Here are just a few other questions for you: Does Twitter have a penis? No. Does Instagram have a vagina? No. Does Facebook call you and ask you to go out with it? No. Okay, just checking.
The last time I checked, making a conscious decision to actively pursue someone, whether it be through texting, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, is a decision a man or woman makes on their own. The shift in our culture to not respect the boundaries of marriage and relationships has definitely exacerbated by social media. How many of us have hit on somebody we see online? You know you have so don’t act like this is brand new. We see a celebrity, model, sports figure, or attractive guy/woman on our timeline and our hormones transform into a free for all of lustful comments, DM’s, or “like” clicks on all of their Instagram pics.
We see someone we like, want, want to sleep with, or are curious about and we have absolutely no filter in letting them know. Our phones and computer screens have become a safe place, a border if you will that not only grants us immediate access to anyone, but also does something to our psyche, and we are filled with an insane amount of confidence we’ve never had before. We post intimate pics of ourselves, we ask celebrities out on dates, we tell married men and women that we could love them better then their spouses, we post #mcm (Man Crush Monday) and #wcw (Women Crush Wednesday) pics with that tiny inkling of hope that our crush will like us back.
I can understand where the blame on social media can come in. Maybe if he had never started following her on Instagram, they never would have met, and he never would have cheated. Perhaps if she didn’t post all of your relationship woes on her Twitter feed, that dude would not have been able to start telling her he’d do all the things you weren’t, and she would not have cheated. He or she would have never met if it weren’t for Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, so it’s social medias fault! Right? No. Is it wise to post all of your relationships issues on social media? Well, no, not unless you are willing to be open to the big ass can of worms you are opening up.
Social media is a huge circus and we all play our parts in it. When you put yourself and your relationship on front street, you have to be able to handle all of the guests who arrive at your door. Guests, that you have invited in. Guests that would not be there without your willingness to allow them to be. Guests that know that you two argue about money, sex, his ex-girlfriend, or your mom always in your business. You did that. We do that. We invite everyone in and then get pissed when some guests don’t leave.
Our relationships fail because of us, and the choices we make, the lack of self-control some of us have, the ways we allow people to treat us, the over sharing many of us do online, which for most takes our relationships into a negative space. Why? Think of it this way: when some people become rich and/or famous, they turn into complete douchebags with inflated ego’s right? Well, did that person all of a sudden turn into a douchebag, or were they already a douchebag that now has a platform to display their douchebaggery? Was this douchebaggery developed over time, or exacerbated by the money and fame? Social media has done the same thing to some of us and we have transferred that onto our relationships.
My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a co-worker, and I caught him looking at her pictures on Facebook often. Her Facebook profile did not make him cheat, his penis did. Instagram does not make you jealous of that girl/guy your significant other follows and constantly comments on their pics, you do. Twitter did not make your boyfriend start talking to that girl, DM her, meet her and sleep with her, he did that all on his own (with the help of his penis too). Again, I agree that the outlets to meet people and the chances of becoming involved with them increase due to social media, but our self-control, insecurities, happiness, and jealousy are governed by no one else, but ourselves.
3 thoughts on “Social Media Did Not Ruin Your Relationship, You Did”
Good nice blog.Good Information for relationship & online dating.
I totally agree with you and holy crap anyone would think cheating is a new phenomenon created by social media and 21st century age…. errrrr, hello, cheating is not new, it has been around since man first launched themselves into believing the monogamy was the be all and end all (mainly bought about by the rise of the Christian church) the biggest change is that women are now no longer expected to put up and shut up.
I am not saying only men cheat either…. but that in the past if you were in an unhappy relationship and were female then… oh dear and if your husband cheated on you then, oh dear… it was not an option for many to make relationship changes. Now that is no longer the case and so our tolerance of cheating has changed as a result and the chances of you getting found out have increased. Again, a society constantly fed the belief that monogamy is the only 'right' relationship choice is really the problem not social media
Hi Molly! Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. Monogamy can definitely be challenging and I believe that whatever works for anyone in their relationship is what's best, and agree with you that there are so many different relationship choices. You'd be amazed at how many women/men allude to social media being the catalyst for cheating, and like you I agree that it's not the catalyst, but it sure can get you caught!