Dating sucks. Okay, that was a harsh opener. Dating is a mix of emotions; nervousness, excitement, joy and awkwardness. When you like someone, your brain produces endorphins which trigger an actual physical and emotional response in your body. This is what causes the “butterflies in your stomach” feeling every time you are near your crush, and it feels damn good.
Having someone in your life feels like you’ve eaten pizza, ice cream, chocolate, and the best red wine you can find all at once, and not gained a pound at all afterward. It’s a feeling of intimacy that we all deserve to experience, but since dating can be so complicated, how do we know if our “situation” is leading towards something more…a relationship. Here is my list-because you all know I am a complete genius on the subject-of five signs that he (or she) are never, ever, like ever, going to take things to the next level with you…ever:
1) He Only Texts You:Ugh…you guys, texting is the bane of my existence. Remember when a guy liked you and actually picked up the phone to call you? I remember a boy calling me in the sixth grade, this was circa 1990, and I was so excited that I literally screamed. Then, we had pagers and you would send someone a numerical page, okay let me explain for all you youngsters who have no idea what I am referring to because you’ve grown up in the cell phone only days: Pagers were dope. Pagers were so fly and we all had one-mine was purple-and came up with words you could create using numbers, and certain number combinations meant different things. If someone texted you the combo 143 it meant I love you. Guys called you because they had to! They couldn’t send a text.
In high school a guy had a crush on me and wrote me letters almost weekly for an entire school year. Now, you have no idea what a guys handwriting even looks like. If you had to pick him out of a line-up based on his handwriting alone…you’d be screwed. You’d be all, ‘I’m sorry detective I have no idea who this handwriting belongs to. Can you have him send me a text?’ Now, all we get are bathroom selfies with the toilet seat in the background.
If he sets up all your “dates” through text, has not picked up the phone once to call you, and every text session escalates quickly into sexting, then you my friend, are not going to be his girlfriend. Listen, I do not think you have to have hour long, daily phone conversations to establish a relationship, but I know that texting takes absolutely no effort. Picking up the phone, hearing someone’s voice and establishing an actual intimate connection does.
2) You’ve Never Spent More Than One Night At His Place…Ever: I understand that there are some of you reading this who are dating someone that does not have their own place, but for those of us who are not, let’s proceed shall we? Entering a guy’s living space is not sacred ladies. We all know we are not the only woman he has ever brought there, and, let’s just be real, we may not be the last depending on what the future holds, or at least your take away from this post.
Spending frequent night’s at your man’s house is a relationship establishing move. And, by frequent I mean that you have slept at his house more than twice, know where the wine glasses are, and have a toothbrush there. If you slept with him and you felt an automatic comfort in being there, with him, and in his bed lounging at his place, and you feel safe…amazing. On the flip side, if you slept with him, fell asleep, got dropped off the next morning and received a, “Hey, what you doing?” text three days later…then he is not going to be your man. Move on boo boo.
3) You Constantly Question Whether He Really Likes You: When a man (and notice I typed ‘Man’) wants you, he will let you know. Men are natural hunters and will always go after what they want. There will be no need for games. Honey, if he wants you, he will let you know in all the ways that he can. He will pick up the phone and call you, and ask you on that first date, is he hasn’t already done so in person.
He will check in with you midday just to see how you are, or how your day is going. He will not leave you questioning your actions. How many times have we wondered if we should call or re-typed a text message a million times hoping we won’t come across as desperate if we send it? When he is real about how you and how he feels, you will feel completely secure in, well, how you feel, and not question your feelings, because they will be reciprocated. If there is no reciprocity then it is not meant to be. So, in my Frozen voice, “Let it gooooooooo!”
4) He’s Too “Busy” For A Relationship Right Now: A journalist interviewing President Obama asked him how he maintains family time with his clearly insane schedule. The President proceeded to explain how he-when there are no dire emergencies, of course-manages to have family dinner with his daughters and wife, and date nights with the First Lady, which he explained were very important to him. Seriously?
The President of the United States can make time to have dinner with his family, and date nights with his wife, but that guy you like doesn’t have time to call you, take you on a proper date, or be your boyfriend because his life is “too crazy” right now? And, yes I am referring to you Mr. Fireman because we both know your life was, and hell, let’s face it, still isn’t “too crazy” right now. You were just a coward who didn’t have the balls to tell me he didn’t want to be with me, but…I friggin’ digress.
The point is, there are 24 hours in a day, and yes we all lead busy lives, heck, I have three jobs and still make time for what I want. When I want a turkey burger, chili cheese fries and chocolate shake, I figure out a way to make time to get to Fatburger. When we want to go on vacation, we work extra hours or second jobs to make the amount of money we need to party it up in Jamaica, right?
The point is, we make time for what and, may I add, who is important. You, my beautiful and handsome readers, are important, and deserve to be treated as such. You deserve a phone call, text, date night, relationship and to be loved in all the ways possible. If he is not making time for you, it’s not because school is hard, work is too hectic, or his life is too crazy, it’s because he does not want to make time for you. You are not that important to him. Walk away…Hell, moonwalk your way out of his so-called “busy” life.
5) You Have Never Met His Family: Two years into my last relationship and I still had yet to meet my exes parents. I had many email and phone conversations with his mom, but we’d never met face-to-face. His family was from Michigan and I am born and raised in LA, and he even bought a ticket home without telling me until a few days before that he was going home to visit, without me. His mom sent me an e-mail telling me she thought he was cheating and that’s why he came to visit without me. Yup, that really happened. He was a total douchebag.
Anyway, this the of behavior; not introducing you to his family, is not normal, unless they have passed or he literally does not know them. Meeting a guy’s parents, guardians, extended family etc. is a sign that he wants to take your relationship to the next level, and that he envisions a future with you.
This situation can also be tricky depending on the relationship your partner may or may not have with his family, so let’s just say he does not communicate with his parents…what about his best friends, teammates, anyone? Have you met them, spent time with them, do they know you exist? If the answer is no, then honey, he does not envision a future with you. Right now you are not, “the one.” To get to this point in a relationship can take a while, so don’t expect to meet his parents after two weeks of dating, be patient and understand this has to be built over time.
Just do not let two years go by without meeting his family like I did, and if this is your situation, sit down and have a serious, honest discussion about where things are headed. Not meeting them is a huge red flag and you must always listen to your intuition, which I did not do. The last thing you want to have is a never worn wedding gown hanging in your closet…like me. Talk it out, explain what you want, and if needed, walk away.
Have you ever been in this type of situation? Sound off below and thanks for reading! xo Jonesie