Recently my good friend got engaged and when your friends lives start to change it inevitably makes you think about yours. Over the summer I made a pact with my friends to stop running from commitment, and date outside of my “usual” box. Enter, the new guy, who I met at the end of the summer and have been dating for a month now.
There is something about dating someone new, it feels great, you think about them all the time, and you instantly feel amazing every time they are around you. I on the other hand feel none of these things!
See previous posts regarding my commitment issues lol…When I date someone new I go into panic mode and instantly fear all of the new feelings I feel, and try and push them far, far, away. And this is the behavior I have vowed to change!
When you hit a certain age-as I am now checking the 30 & over box on my health forms-you begin to reevaluate all of the decisions you have previously made, and wonder how those decisions have shaped your life making you into the person your are today. With that being said there is a lot I’d like to say to the new guy, but still haven’t conquered the fear that keeps me from saying them. Maybe I should warn the new guy about all my quirks, and give him a chance to run away, or is it giving myself a chance to run like hell like the old me would do.
Dear New Guy,
I like you so much that it scares the hell out of me. You are an amazing person, and make all the fears I have about being committed to someone disappear. At times I am neurotic, insecure, and afraid to verbalize how I feel. Most times I am strong and confident, but when it comes to love I still have a lot to learn. There will be times when I try to push you away by over analyzing everything you do, but know that this will change in time…New guy, whether we make it or not, just knowing you has already made my life better.