Why does it hurt so bad when we see our ex with someone new? My last boyfriend was not a very nice person. He was not a good person…as a matter of fact, he was one of the most selfish and unkind people I became to know, but I digress. Breaking up with someone is never fun and seeing your ex with someone new is heartbreaking. When my ex and I broke up over four years ago I actually felt relieved. He had cheated and we stayed together.
I became a paranoid koo koo bird that drove to the gym, parked outside of it, and checked to see if his car was there. I even did the dreaded…check his phone move. I was younger then I am now of course and I have clearly matured. So, if he was such a douchebag why did it hurt when I saw his lovey-dovey post on Facebook that included a picture of his new girlfriend?
Maybe I was hurt because he has someone new and I know who he really is. She hasn’t met the selfish, cheating, plays the guitar while sitting on the toilet, obsesses over his outfit choices, and owns more moisturizers then me guy. She has yet to meet Mr. I am going to the gym, but not really going there. New girl also doesn’t know Mr. I am going to call my mom and tell her all of our relationship business either. Why does ‘New Girl’ get to meet this new amazing and loving guy while I had to be with the aforementioned a-hole? It’s not fair.
Maybe I am jealous that he has a girlfriend and I, well, am single. I have not had a boyfriend since him and it’s been over four years. Okay, the first two years was me partying it up and having so much fun that the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Now that I have settled into my true self: I ma confident, working hard every single day to accomplish my goals, writing, acting etc. I would really love to have my “person” to share all of this with. Why does he get to have a “person” and I don’t. He sucks.
Maybe I just thought that every single girl after me would literally suck in comparison. Really…I am pretty damn awesome. New Girl is not going to make chocolate chip pancakes on Sunday mornings. New Girl will not make a five layer chocolate cake, covered in chocolate ghanoush, from scratch like I did for his birthday. New Girl is not going to walk around the mall for two hours while he shops like I did. New Girl won’t kiss him like I did. New Girl will not touch him the way I did. New Girl will not turn him on the way I did. She sucks.
Here’s the thing…we broke up for many reasons. He cheated. He didn’t appreciate all of the things I did for him. He was jealous of the fact that I went back to school. He did not encourage, but discouraged all of my goals and dreams. He yelled, and I yelled back. I cried…a lot. He did not bring out the best in me and I allowed him to treat me like crap because I wanted to stick it out, make it work, build my life with someone because I thought it was time for me to do that. We were never meant to work.
That’s the thing about an ex; one day you are so connected to someone you can feel what they need without even speaking the words. You know their past, you are their present and are trying so hard to build your future. Then…then life happens, people change, you realize you deserve so much more, you are not willing to settle. So, you break-up he moves on and you become this amazing, smart, confident and beautiful version of yourself that you could have never been if you would have stayed with your ex. For that I thank him and although I know she will never be me…I am glad he found a new girl.