If You Chase Him…He Will Run

love

ย I love guys. I love the way they smile. I love the way they smell. I love how they put their hand on your neck while kissing you. I love men. When I am interested in a guy I expect it to be all easy and sparkly. I want him to bump into me while I’m at the bookstore, reach for the same book on the shelf, touch my hand, feel my sparkle and fall in love with me. What has been my pattern is finding and chasing the most emotionally unavailable men of the Los Angeles area.

 

Here’s how it goes down: I meet someone who I am attracted to. He may or may not be attracted to me, which I usually have no clue of, because as usual they never just tell me how they feel, so I set out to “find out” if they do. Hence the emotional unavailability. This is when the chase becomes a game I set out to win. I suddenly become a lion chasing after the gazelle in the wild. Letting someone know you are interested in them is amazing. It’s a risk that you take and you literally roll the dice hoping that he/she will pick them up, kiss them, and place them in your hand, along with their heart.

Sometimes, love sucks. Like when you are so into someone and they are not reciprocating your feelings. I’m way to scared to say what I’m thinking when I do have feelings for someone. In my head it’s like, ‘Hey you cute guy, I like you, and you should totally like me, let’s go hang out at the bookstore, and ride unicorns on sparkly highways for the rest of our lives.’ In person, I’m totally awkward, talk a lot, and make random self-deprecating jokes out of nervousness when I’m around someone I like. If I see or feel an inkling of that person maybe, sort kinda, just a tad, almost, kind of a little bit liking me back…the lioness in me roars it’s awkward head and he becomes the gazelle that I must chase, capture and keep locked up in my heart.ย 
This is when I proceed to dumb little things to get the guy I like to finally admit that he likes me back. I find things to e-mail him about. Send a random text every once in a while. Find reasons to have to talk to him, or basically just find any reason why I need to be in his psyche, life, and heart…forever. Luckily, I recognize that I do this and am growing out of this phase of my life. I have learned that the more you chase a man, the further he will run.

Boy will he run, he’ll run swiftly and never look back, or he’ll stick around and continue to use you while keeping you at bay so things never really get too serious. I have been the victim of the latter, but was I really a victim, or just being treated the way I allowed myself to be?

Women especially tend to make excuses for the behavior of a man we are interested in. He doesn’t call, so we call him. He doesn’t text, so we send him a ‘Good Morning Baby’ text so he’ll know we are thinking of him. He doesn’t spend time with you, so you chalk it up to his busy work/school schedule, and you make all the date plans, or call him and tell him you’re going to cook him dinner because you know how busy he’s been.

This continues for a while and you end up sleeping with him, making yourself available whenever he wants you, and assume that you are the only one he wants. Then, he disappears, or tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, and starts seeing someone else who he verbally and socially states is his girlfriend, but wait…what were you? You were the girl who chased him. That’s all.

There’s a huge difference between showing/telling someone how you feel about them, and actively trying to convince someone that they should be with you. At times we feel like if he/she could just see how amazing we really are then they’d fall for us, right? We all want to be loved, but we should not have to chase it. Someone who truly wants you will never be “too busy” for you, leave you guessing as to how they feel, or not call/text you.

Am I crazy for thinking we shouldn’t have to chase each other? That if you feel something that moves you emotionally or physically for someone, you should just speak up for what you want? It’s scary as hell, but better then trying to purposely place yourself in someones life hoping that they will have an epiphany and realize how sparkly you are.

You are beautiful, smart, and worthy of love, and deserve to have a man or woman in your life that adores you. I almost chased someone I found myself attracted to recently. He is a great guy and I almost reverted to my, ‘insert myself into his life in unnecessary ways, so that he’ll fall in move with me’ ways, but then I put the phone down and literally said to myself, “If he wanted you…you’d know. You should not have to fight for a spot in his heart.”

Have you ever chased a man/woman you were interested in?

Or dated someone who was emotionally unavailable to you?

Post your stories and comments below! Thanks for reading xo Jonesie

0 thoughts on “If You Chase Him…He Will Run

  1. Regina says:

    Hi Jonesie,

    I found your blog from listening to a podcast by Jay Mayo the other day. Thanks for being so candid and transparent in your writing. Dating can be unpredictable and disappointing but what I'm finding in my own journey is there is always a lesson to be learned. With each failed attempt comes some frustration but more importantly comes wisdom that will eventually lead me to the type of person I need most vs the guy that's emotionally unavailable or disinterested. You are absolutely correct, when you care for someone it is hard to sit back and say nothing or do nothing but it is true we must allow men to be men. Allow them to pursue or else while we're chasing them, they'll be out chasing someone else. Thanks again lovely lady and do continue to write, your stories are truly relatable and genuine.

  2. Awkward Girl in the City: Single, Dating, Akward... says:

    Hi Regina…thanks so much for reading and commenting! I'm glad you liked the podcast and checked out my blog ๐Ÿ™‚ Your journey sounds (of course) familiar and yes you are right, there are always lessons learned. Taking a step back can be very hard (I know it is for me) but your summation is correct and it truly leads you to the one who will love and appreciate you.

  3. Jean Marie says:

    Oh honey. I have – I thought I needed to “prove” how awesome I was. I would anxiously await his calls, call and text him, cry when we broke up, still hang out when we were broken up… it ain't a pretty story and it's all still embarrassing to admit.

    I think we all get caught by a few guys like this in our lifetime. It sucks, but one-way relationships aren't relationships. They are personal hell holes. I see that in retrospect and you have to stood hurting yourself and chasing someone who doesn't want you. Because so many men WILL! 7 billion people on this planet, the odds are in your favor.

    You wrote this so beautifully and detailed. So much emotion captured here. Great post!

  4. Awkward Girl in the City: Single, Dating, Akward... says:

    Jean thanks for reading and always supporting my blog…that means so much to me. I'm happy you're happy and have a great love in your life now. You're so right about one-sided relationships being personal hell holes, and yes we have and/or will, be in one of them at some point in our lives. I unfortunately was a repeat offender…lol!

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