My date thinks he’s a comedian. At least that’s how he acted. I felt as though I was his personal audience of one, and I did not know how to react to the perpetual spotlight he seemed to have carried around with him, along with his mic of course. The thing is we have had many phone and-of course in this day and age-text conversations and while he throws in jokes here and there, they are actually funny. What can I say he gives good phone!
When we were out I expected to get to know the real him…no I actually hoped to get to the root of him, you know the meat, the insides, and see what was underneath the joking exterior layer he has presented to me since I met him over two months ago.
With this expectation in mind I agreed to our first date Friday night. We went the usual route and had dinner at my favorite Italian eatery (Al Fornaio) if you have not tried it, I suggest you do so immediately, but I digress. And followed dinner with a PinkBerry run and a movie. Pretty normal date activity, but there was something off, something that I could not quite understand about my date. He showed up late and did not call or text to say he’d be late.
Honestly, I was not ready at our decided time, so I did not mind him being late, but it would have been nice if he would have acknowledged he was late, and at least apologized for it. Instead he made a joke about it. That was Joke #1. When he saw me he stated something to the effect like, “Oh I didn’t know this date was so formal…look at you all fancy!” That was Joke #2. Here’s my question…why not just say, “You look great.” Instead of making it into some weird self conscious thing?
In the car on the way to the restaurant he continued with the jokes about helicopters and jogging suits and any other random thing he could think of interjecting into the conversation…we’ll just label those Jokes #4-#10 for the sake of this post. At the restaurant he seemed to have let his spotlight dim a bit, which I was very happy about, and we had conversation about all the regular first date subjects you tackle.
For the first time that night I saw a glimpse of the real him and found him really attractive based on that. As dinner ended and we walked to the car it was more jokes, and more jokes. I even commented, “Are you ever serious?” but instead of taking this as the hint I had hoped it would be, he just kept on turning up his spotlight and rolling with his jokes…about…everything.
At this point I was completely turned off. I love to joke, have fun, and laugh as much as the next person, but when I am trying to get to know you as an individual, and I am only presented with the ‘comedian’ side of you then how do I know what to take seriously and what not to take seriously? Even ordering PinkBerry became a joke…let’s see I think that would put us at about Joke #12.
As my interest begins to progressively wain I wonder why I am being treated like an audience member, and start to mentally ask myself all kind of questions like: I don’t understand what it is about him that he may not want me to see, or is this his defense mechanism or guard he has up?
Back at my place we sit-not together-and watch a movie. The movie was good, but at this point I feel awkward and am not even sure if I like him. Is this not the same guy that gave such good phone?! Where is that dude? What did he do with that guy? That’s who I wanted to hang out with tonight. As the date ends I walk him out and do not go for any type of kiss, or romantic ending. Unfortunately, I feel conflicted with a mix of I know I thought I liked him, and an I’m not that into him feeling swirling around in my head.
Usually I write people off, okay not usually pretty much all the time. If I don’t feel, “it” whatever that, “it” is on the first date then I cut off contact with that person. My friend proceeds to tell me something to the effect of, “How many cute douchebags are you gonna date and what have you ever gotten out of it? You deserve to be happy with a good guy. Tell him how you felt about the comedy routine.” Mr. Spotlight seems like a really good guy: He is very sweet and giving, and at this point in my life I am looking for substance, which he seems to have a lot of.
This time I am going to really try and have a different attitude towards men and change my judgmental ways, so the next day as he texts about the date he begins to point out things he clearly was self conscious about, like the conversation at dinner, and the choice of movie he brought over. I decide I am going to go for it and ask him was he nervous. He explains that he was very nervous and really hates first dates, and gets really nervous around women he likes. He goes onto say that he knows he talks a good game, but is really shy when it comes to a woman he is interested in.
Ding…Ding…Ding…I realize that the comedy routine was a rouse that he used to hide behind because of him being nervous. Wait, this means that Melissa was right…damn her and her give people a chance all the darn time philosophy! I tell Mr. Spotlight that I’d like to go out with him again, and get to know the real him, minus the comedy routine. We have a date set for next Friday…bowling, which I totally suck at, but I think he suggested it because it will be an environment he will be comfortable in, and will be confident enough to leave the spotlight at home…To be continued…