There’s something so amazing about having someone in your life that truly understands you, loves you just as you are and is not trying to change you into the version of what they want you to be. Oh, and how awesome is it to have a date for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner? Or someone special to make fun of all of the other couples that are “way into Valentines Day”? Then there’s all of the firsts you have with your special someone: first kiss, first date, first time you say I love you…and we can’t forget the first time right…am I right? Yup, all of those things are beyond wonderful…so if you don’t have those experiences in your life right now, or haven’t had them for four years like myself, does that mean you should just give up on having them? I say no.
Putting yourself out there really sucks sometimes. Yes, I said it…well, wrote it, I mean typed it. You know what I mean you guys! There are ten million different ways to find love: online dating sites, facebook, going to a bar, singles meet-ups, matchmaking services, twitter, instagram etc…and while all of these ways of meeting new people exist, most times actually using them in any form can be intimidating/scary/creepy/uncomfortable. So, what are we supposed to do? Wait around for Mr. or Mrs. Right? Or fearlessly put yourself out there so he or she will be able to find you? I say the latter and here’s why: No one is ever going to find you-or me-while you’re-or me-sitting at home everyday after work/every weekend. Ummm…yes that is my reason. Go with me on this…
Being single is fun. I really mean it I have been single for four years and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. There is something about being on your own and not having relationship issues to deal with; no fighting, no facebook stalking, no toilet seat being left up, no shaving your legs every damn day. Then there are the times when being single does kind of suck; when I have to take out the trash at midnight because I forgot to do it in the morning and I threw away that lettuce I never ate, and now my apartment smells like a dumpster, and when there is some sort of unidentifiable and gigantic bug crawling on my carpet, and when I have to make three friggin’ trips from my car to my apartment upstairs because I bought a normal amount of groceries! Argh…that groceries thing pisses me off every time.
Do I want a man in my life just to kill large bugs, take out my trash and help me lug my groceries upstairs? Yes! I’d also like him to kiss me, hold my hand, listen to the synopsis of my day, tell me I’m beautiful just as I am, laugh at my jokes, love my writing, understand that when I’m stressed I clean my apartment like the President himself is coming to visit, argue with me, call me out on my BS, have Sunday dinner with my family, and love me forever.
Wanting this is totally okay and not wanting it is too. So how do we (those who do want it) attain it? Here’s how: By not becoming cynical, bitter, listening to our angry friends who just got dumped, and by opening our minds to new people and places, and most importantly not giving up on love just because we’ve had some bad experiences. That last one is hard. Closing yourself off is easy and a usual reaction when a relationship goes sour. Keeping your heart open and taking risks to put yourself out there is hard.
In the past few months I put myself out there in ways I haven’t done since being single for so long. I gave a guy my number and he didn’t even ask for it! I have been doing a lot more activities by myself and I have completely opened my heart and spirit to whoever life throws my way. Instead of immediately dismissing someone over something trivial-like the guy that wore linen capri pants on our date-yup that happened before-I actually take time to get to know them. Also being less judgmental…we all do this way too much. A woman once told me she didn’t like the shirt a man wore on their first date. Yup, his shirt, so she dismissed him. Once I heard two guys dissing a woman because of her eyebrows not being tweezed perfectly. Really?
Since when did we become oh so perfect and flawless that we immediately expect this from someone else? It’s okay for you to have a crooked tooth, gray hair, a few extra pounds on you, not live in a mansion, not drive a BMW, not have a job that pays over $100,000 per year, but your future Mr. or Mrs. Right must have and be all of those things? Stop it. Really, stop it. You can always have expectations, but be realistic and do not go seeking in someone else ALL of the things you don’t have. That’s like a millionaire asking a homeless person for stock option advice, it literally doesn’t add up.
Work on yourself and while I believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating up, I also know that you have to bring something to the table as well…whether it be financially, spiritually, emotionally or mentally, you have to be fulfilled with yourself and able to add to someones life, before anyone else can fill your life and heart with their love. Don’t give up on love…he or she is out there and the universe is waiting to bring them to you, in time, when you are ready. In the meantime finish your degree, try out new activities, be patient, approach that man/woman you’ve had your eye on, try online dating (but be safe!) or a matchmaking service and learn how to kill bugs late at night…on your own.