Dating sucks. First dates especially suck. It’s like you’re interviewing someone to decide whether or not they will play a role in your life and, let’s be frank, gain access to your lady parts. So, you meet a guy (or girl), exchange numbers, text for a few days, talk on the phone and decide you are interested, then comes the first date. Excitement at this point is at an all time high. For me it’s a mix of excitement and nausea, but I digress. No matter what you’re feeling there is always a hope that this person will become your “person”.
The first date goes really well and you end up talking for hours, he kisses you goodnight and tells you he had a great time…Cut to three days later and you still haven’t heard from him, so you think that he’s probably just playing it cool and send him a quick text to let him know you had a great time. Here it is two weeks later and it’s been total radio silence. You can’t help but wonder what the hell happened right? Did my breath stink, was my game off, what did I do?! Here are three reasons that may have played a part:
Reason #1) Expectations: Listen, having expectations is totally normal. I have expectations about everything in my life: I expect my hair to always look good, I expect my outfits to always make me look like a model, I expect to be a millionaire and I expect to be liked when I like someone. Does all of this sound rational? Perhaps not. Here is the thing about having high expectations…they are YOUR expectations. No one is making you feel anything. You have to own the fact that these expectations are your own and you are choosing to project them onto someone else.
You are not a princess, he is not a prince. You do not live in a castle. You are not friends with talking animals that help brush your hair in the morning. Expecting to find Mr or Mrs Right after date one may be a stretch, and expecting to have someone come into your life and all of a sudden make everything rainbows and roses is not fair to the person you’re on the date with. Expect to be treated with respect, expect to be appreciated for who you are, and expect to have a good time. Do not expect to be rescued, salvaged, saved, or given a tiara because it’s not going to happen. And, you don’t need it to! You are beautiful, smart, amazing and should have enough love for yourself that you don’t need to be rescued, but instead want to share your love with someone who deserves it. Crown your own self.
Reason #2) You Were Not Authentic: Being ourselves, and I mean our true selves can at times be scary. Here is what I mean by that…I am a total nerd, I watch a lot of Family Guy, Scooby Doo and The Regular Show. I unabashedly love cartoons, and 80’s music, especially Hall & Oats. Watching vintage films makes me happy, and so does riding my beach cruiser that I spray painted pink and covered with sparkles. These are just a few of the things that make me who I am and they can be just a tad embarrassing to reveal about yourself on a first date.
I know absolutely nothing about football nor do I care to know anything about it, but how many of us have pretended to be into it because the person we like is? We have all been there and why? Why pretend to be interested in something to please someone else? Then what happens is you come across as a liar because you will definitely be questioned about the subject you just pretended to be knowledgeable in and you will try to BS your way through an answer or have to lie to cover up for the fact that you lied initially!
The key to being yourself is not to be afraid to be yourself. On my next date if a guy asks me what I like to do I will let him know I am a writer, actress, avid reader…and I love cartoons, own a pink sparkly beach cruiser and listen to a lot of Hall & Oats. If he doesn’t like me for those reasons then he has to go. Be you, no matter what because in the end that is who this man (or woman) will have to love.
Reason #3) He is Not Into You: Recently I gave my number to a guy that I was one hundred percent sure liked me. When I gave him my number I told him he seemed like a lovely person that I was interested in getting to know better, and he said he felt the same about me. So I gave him my number and told him I looked forward to talking with him soon. That was over one week ago and he has yet to call. Why? Because he was never into me to begin with. Why did he act as though he was…I’m not sure, maybe because he wanted to be nice, maybe he has a girlfriend right now, maybe he just likes to collect phone numbers and hang them on his wall, who knows.
What I do know is that men are natural hunters and they go after what they want and if they want you they will show you. There will be no questions or doubts and you will not have to wonder whether he likes you or not because you will feel and see it. He will call, text and spend time with you no matter what. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there and make the first move, and there is nothing wrong with that. I did it and am glad I did. Had I not been open and tried then I would always be wondering what if. Don’t ever be afraid to put yourself out there and be open to love. Know that you are deserving of love and if he is not into you, let him go and open yourself up for the man (or woman) who will be.
The next time you find yourself on the receiving end of radio silence after what you believed to be a great date, or when you’ve given someone your number and they don’t call, just remember that there is no excuse for it. Meaning that no one is that busy. No one is that tired. No one has that many meetings to go to. No one has that many errands to run. He (or she) is not invested in you and you have to accept that and never make excuses for their absence. It’s also important that we understand the role we may have played in it but not internalize the fact that he (or she) is not interested in us. This does not make them bad people it just makes them one stone we needed to step across to bring us closer to our person.