Tag: relationships

Dear New Guy

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Recently my good friend got engaged and when your friends lives start to change it inevitably makes you think about yours. Over the summer I made a pact with my friends to stop running from commitment, and date outside of my “usual” box. Enter, the new guy, who I met at the end of the summer and have been dating for a month now.
There is something about dating someone new, it feels great, you think about them all the time, and you instantly feel amazing every time they are around you. I on the other hand feel none of these things! 

See previous posts regarding my commitment issues lol…When I date someone new I go into panic mode and instantly fear all of the new feelings I feel, and try and push them far, far, away. And this is the behavior I have vowed to change!
When you hit a certain age-as I am now checking the 30 & over box on my health forms-you begin to reevaluate all of the decisions you have previously made, and wonder how those decisions have shaped your life making you into the person your are today. With that being said there is a lot I’d like to say to the new guy, but still haven’t conquered the fear that keeps me from saying them. Maybe I should warn the new guy about all my quirks, and give him a chance to run away, or is it giving myself a chance to run like hell like the old me would do.
    
     Dear New Guy,
 I like you so much that it scares the hell out of me. You are an amazing person, and make all the fears I have about being committed to someone disappear. At times I am neurotic, insecure, and afraid to verbalize how I feel. Most times I am strong and confident, but when it comes to love I still have a lot to learn. There will be times when I try to push you away by over analyzing everything you do, but know that this will change in time…New guy, whether we make it or not, just knowing you has already made my life better. 

That Time He Mailed Me My Underwear

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 Confession time: I push people away, I find a fault or create one and use that as an excuse to run away from whoever I am dating at the time. I haven’t always been this way…or maybe I have, but I am really trying to change my ways. There was one person in particular-I will refer to him as Mr. J-yes that moniker is completely unoriginal, but I am 98% sure he does not read my posts so using that lame moniker is totally okay in this instance.

I met Mr. J last fall and it took me no time to like him as a friend. He was the most confident, self-assured, smart, creative, laid back guy I had met in a long time. We talked until the next morning the first time we had a phone conversation and did the same on our first date. He was not the usual type I date, which made him even more interesting.
I pushed him away from the start, and convinced myself that I did not like him and only wanted him as a friend. Then something happened and I began to really like him…that’s where all the trouble started. In fact that’s where all the trouble usually starts for me.

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The Business of Marriage

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 My parents have been married for 36 years. Just writing that sentence is amazing! But it has not been without their own drama, and times where they felt like giving up and divorcing. But my parents also got married at a time where people had to pick up the telephone and call each other to speak, and cell phones did not exist let alone texting, facebook, myspace, or twitter.
Their generation also had a different mindset, which was that you grow up get a job, get married, and have kids, and in that order. Now you don’t really have to grow up, and can have kids while you’re still a kid and get a reality show out of it, and don’t necessarily have to work a 9-5 to have a career.  I still find myself having the same conversation with all of my friends, and inevitably the question is always asked…Is marriage worth it?

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Not Every Woman is Desperate for a Boyfriend

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 My friends and I have come across an epidemic lately: Men who believe that we are desperate to have them as our boyfriends. Listen I am not bashing love or being in love, I am all for love, and think that when you find someone amazing you should not pass them by. As of recent events in my life I have come to find that there is a way of thinking when it comes to women and what they want from men.
 PSA: Guys not every woman is desperate to have you as their man. Just because we are dating does not mean we are secretly planning our future wedding date in our heads. Women like to have fun with no commitments too sometimes, and if we wanted you to be our boyfriend…trust me you’d know. Now that I got that public service announcement out of the way let’s get down to business.

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Throw Away Your Dating Checklist!

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The “List” we all have one and we use it to measure up a new potential mate we meet. I can distinctly recall my first semester at Los Angeles College and one day in Psychology class the Professor asked for volunteers for an experiment. He called us out of the room one by one and then asked us to return to ask us a series of questions: 
 
Professor, “What do you look for in a mate?” Me, “Ummmm….he has to be nice, and tall, and thin, and have no kids, and have no ex-wife, and have a good job, and be smart.” That was the 22 year old me that adhered to that specific list (which had more must haves on there then I listed in class that day) for many more dating years…until now.

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5 Dating Mistakes I Made Last Year

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 In 2009 I ended a two year-shouldn’t have stayed so long because he was horrible-relationship, so that summer, and following fall was all about having fun with my girls aka: Breaking hearts and taking names! That was then, this is now…In 2011 I made my fair share of “Dating Mistakes” that I will share in hopes that I never make them again. New Year equals a New Me! Here are the five dating mistakes I made last year:

Mistake #1) Making excuses: If he wants you, you will know! When a man wants you he shows you period. Stop making excuses for his absence or lack of attention. I go to school, work full-time, and started my own business this year, but I still make time for someone when I am interested in them. Listen if President Obama can orchestrate date nights with the First Lady then the guy you met at the bar, mall, or Barnes & Noble last week can make time for you. So I will no longer accept or perpetuate lame excuses. If you want me show me.

Mistake #2) Trying to change someone. Never and I mean never try to change someone to fit the mold of what you want or need them to be. If he is telling you from the jump that he does not want to get married, and you know that you do, do not think that you will change his mind about marriage. If he wants kids, and you know you don’t do not try to show him all the benefits of a child-free life to better suit your needs. 


When people change to please others is not a genuine change. You change to improve yourself or your own life which will in turn make you more attractive to others. No trying to change him, either love him the way he is or walk away. 

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Dating Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

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When you are driving in your car and you see a yellow light in the intersection you are about to cross do you speed up to make it through, or do you slow down because you know the red light is going to flash soon? When you are crossing the street and the crosswalk signal has 5 more seconds to go on the countdown do you dart out in the street making a run for it, or wait because you know you won’t make it across in time and don’t want to risk it? As for myself I wait for the crosswalk and may speed up at the yellow, but if you are that risk taker then this post is for you.

 

Recently my friend got into a relationship with someone very quickly. I put relationship in quotes because I don’t think you can call it a relationship after two weeks, but I digress. She immediately is smitten and spends all of her free time with him, and they even make comments about living together and how they would raise their kids.
In the meantime, he had a girl living with him that he referred to as his ex-girlfriend who is his roommate because she owes him money, and has no family here, and he can’t throw her out on the street.

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Men, Women, Pornography & Relationships

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  Men, Women & Pornography   
 Porn is EVERYWHERE literally…from movies to tv ads, magazines, fashion, blogs etc. Its everywhere and has a huge impact on the way men and women view each other sexually. So what’s the big deal right? Everyone watches porn, so what’s the issue? I am not saying porn is bad or that you are a perv if you watch it, by any means to each his own. My issue stems from a recent three hour long…yes three hour long phone conversation I had with a guy I met this week.

Guy I met this week: “I don’t know what you like, but I like a girl to be open-minded in bed and up for anything.”

Me: “Expecting so much so soon is a lot of pressure. I mean you can’t expect acrobats every time you are with a woman. We can’t all be porn stars.”
Guy I met this week: “Yeah I know girls have a lot of pressure on them, but that’s what I need to keep from cheating.”

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