This May marks the eighth year of my singledom status. Last week, I spoke on a panel about dating and relationships, and there was a moment when I was asked what I’ve learned along the way as a single woman. Without hesitation, I knew what my answer would be:
Me: “I had to grow and realize how dope, and powerful I am. Before I realized just how amazing I am, my self worth and confidence was wrapped up in someone else. I am responsible for my happiness, not the men in my life. It is my job to love myself, and not depend on someone else to make me feel good about me. You must become who you want to attract.”
Dope right? I said a lot more cool things, people clapped and nodded their heads. You know people get you when they nod their heads while clapping. So, if I am so dope, and know what I want in my future boo…why do I think I’ll disappoint him? Well, let’s get one thing straight, I don’t think I’ll disappoint him…I know.Expectations are absolutely normal, and we all have them when we meet someone and/or are in a relationship with them. Is there a point where our expectations create conflict, which leads to eventual disappointment, yes, but how are we supposed to know where that point lies? Since I can’t be too entirely sure of what that point can be measured by, I thought I’d just put out a list of expectations I can’t or just refuse to meet in advance:
Expectation: Keep my body in perfect shape forever. | Reality: I love cookies…and bread.
Expectation: Make you happy. | Reality: Sometimes, you won’t feel happy, and at times it will be because of me.
Expectation: Be selfless. | Reality: There are times when I need to focus on just me for a few hours, a day or week, hell I don’t know exactly how long, but I need my “me” time.
Expectation: Share everything. | Reality: The Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream is mine and no, I’m not sharing it. Also, there are aspects of me I like to share with my best friend, and that means a lot to me, so I will share those things with her, and not you.
Expectation: Be your best friend. | Reality: I can call my best friend and have a two hour conversation about being bloated from my period, and not able to zip up my skinny jeans. That is for her, not you. I have a best friend. You and her are not in the same category. I don’t have sex with my bestie. You will be my friend, lover, partner, and soulmate…she is my best friend.
These are just a few of the things that may disappoint you. There will probably be many more; sometimes, I will push you away and may not even realize I’m doing it. Also, I can be really impatient, which makes me act like a jerk. When I’m hungry I can get cranky, and I’m not really into cuddling. I mean, I can maybe do a 3-5 minute cuddle session, but I get hot really fast.
There will be things about you that disappoint me too. I have expectations and sir, I expect you to meet them! In reality you won’t, not all of them anyway, and that is okay. The truth is, we are both going to disappoint each other. We’ll argue and wonder why we’re together, and we will survive it all. That’s what I expect from us.
We will unite and fight to keep us together. That we will make fun of ourselves, laugh and cry together. That we will make up when we fight and be honest with each other even if it hurts. Give each other space when need be, and make the most of our time together. I expect you to love me with all that you are, and you can expect the same from me. Also, don’t ever, never, ever, during our life together, ever touch my Cherry Garcia ice cream. You know what, when we meet again in heaven, you can’t touch my Cherry Garcia there either.
What expectations do you have for your future/current mate? Comment below & share!
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