Tag: dating

LIMERANCE: REALIZING YOUR CRUSH AIN’T SH*T

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Limerance is a bitch. It can have you believing this specific person is the only one for you. The person that will understand you in ways no one else will. This person not only will change your life but also fulfill every desire and fantasy you have ever had. They are beautiful, funny, interesting and going to be the love of your life. The only problem is you don’t actually really know this person because they are your crush and you have developed the feeling of Limerance.

What exactly is Limerance? Limerance is defined as: the site of being obsessed/infatuated with another person. Typically involuntary experienced and characterized by a strong desire of reciprocation of one’s feelings, but not primarily for a sexual relationship (dictionary). You may be feeling this out of a need to fulfill something within you and once you realize you’re experiencing it, you also come to another realization: your crush ain’t shit.

Having a crush on someone feels so fun and giddy. You spend time fantasizing about them and how they will respond to you in scenarios imagined in your mind. They seem so amazing and wonderful, as if they were made just for you. In our minds we believe they are not only incredible, but everything they do is as well. The way they laugh, smile, dress etc. becomes apart of their appeal that also makes them seem irresistible to us. Soon we begin thinking of ways to communicate with them whether it be a random text about something they’re interested in, or an invitation to a casual event, we start to show our feelings in minor ways.

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WHAT IS FLIRTING AND WHY DO WE DO IT?

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“What is flirting and why do people do it?” was the question posed to me by a fourteen year old boy last week. I tried to think of my best flirting moments to answer with and one that recently took place popped up in my mind. I continued “Well, last week I walked over to a guy and complimented his work and the way he smelled. This lead to us talking and he asked for my number!” I felt so proud of myself in that moment thinking I was imparting some new found wisdom on this kid. He then asked, “Okay, but why do people flirt?”. Believing I am on some sort of Yoda like roll I say, “Maybe because its a way to feel out the vibe first and see if the person you are interested in, is actually interested in you. You flirt as a means of protecting yourself from rejection I guess.” This made me think…are we all flirting to protect or boost our egos?

Having lived the single life for many years now, I chose not to try and flirt with anyone for a while . There has been a lot of “life stuff” happening so I took myself out of the game. Thanks to therapy, I’m back! So, last week I saunter over to a very attractive man and strike up a conversation with him. We exchange pleasantries, I turn on the comedic charm, laughs are had, numbers are exchanged, texts are sent, jokes are made and then…NOTHING.

Let me say that he is not only good looking but seems like a really kind person. He is an entrepreneur, has a beautiful big smile, and as I said before smells really good. He asked me questions about myself, my writing, and showed interest in getting to know me, but nothing really progressed. No dates were made and that is okay. Everyone we flirt with does not have to like us back, but it is a risk we take anyway. Why do we do it?

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I SPENT ONE MONTH ON HINGE SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

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Dating is irritating, thrilling, scary and fun all rolled into one big ball of anxiety filled emotions. My good friend and I discuss dating highs and lows often with one another. She happily teeters between real life meet cutes and online dating. When she told me to just try using one dating app for a month and not delete the app until the month was over, I failed. Last year I deleted the dating app I begrudgingly downloaded to my phone within one week. This time, I was determined to give it one full month and I am glad I did. I spent one month on Hinge so you don’t have to.

Are you tired, run down, listless? Do you poop out at parties? Well, the answer to all your problems is not in this little app! If you love ‘I Love Lucy’ like I do, you got that reference. Hinge is not a bad app, but its features could use some help. Once you download the free app onto your phone, you are then sent to your settings which include adding pictures to your profile. After adding your pictures it makes you select a prompt to attach to your pictures. They have a prewritten selection of “witty” captions to add to your pictures. The reasoning behind this according to the app is that adding a caption will raise your level of engagement.

After painstakingly choosing your profile pictures (which for men did not seem too hard based on their pics) you select options like age range, distance, and if you pay for an upgrade you can fine tune the attributes you are looking for in a partner. With the pay upgrade comes more options to narrow down the search for your partner. There was no way I wold pay for this app, so I applied three must haves to my account which is also an option: open minded, no smoking, and vaccinated. Hey, what do you want from me, I am not willing to risk COVID for love. Immediately the likes started to come in which turned out to be very underwhelming.

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UNPACKING EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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Emotional Baggage: we all have it and some of us struggle with how to deal with it. When we enter into relationships we want to be able to unpack it all, dump it in our partners lap, and have them find the proverbial matching socks. Emotional fortitude does not come easily and depending on the environment we are raised in, is something many of us may learn as adults, which makes it even harder.

Last week I was in a room with a man and a woman who got into a heated discussion about dating, relationships, and emotional baggage. I sat listening to these two very emotional beings spar with each other. She, defending her beliefs and he determined to prove his exactitude. He used every tactic to sway her, from quoting the Bible to playing upon her emotions as she became more and more defensive. His take, ‘a woman should be a man’s solace. When he comes home from battling the day, he doesn’t want to come home and battle you too.’ Her take, ‘a woman should not be expected to just take/deal with all of your bullshit.’  Continue reading →

What My Parents Marriage Taught Me

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Driving home from Las Vegas one weekend, my mom and dad argued almost the entire time. They weren’t yelling but I knew they were angry. The signs were obvious, as I had learned to recognize them early in my young life. I remember my mom telling my dad to pull the car over immediately. He did. Suddenly, my mom steps out and the money she was holding in her hands went flying everywhere as she threw it in the desert wind. Dad adjusting his cigarette in his mouth before opening the door to finish the argument, and of course, pick up the money.

Arguing was a regular form of communication in my household growing up. My siblings and I were not shunned from the goings on between our parents. There was no taking it to another room, or waiting until the kids were asleep to purge themselves of all the anger coursing through them at any time. No need to whisper when the kids have grown accustomed to the shouts.  Continue reading →

Stop Asking Women Why We’re, “Still Single”

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I am so over this dumbass question. Thoroughly sick and tired of having to defend myself against an McCarthy like era interrogation into discovering the reasons why I’m still single. Its offensive and just plain ridiculous…also, in most cases, its filled with judgment and makes me want to punch you in the throat. The question is almost always posed as though there must be something wrong with me if at 37yrs old, I am single, never married and have no children. Why is it that as a woman I must be damaged, too picky, hard to deal with, crazy or super selfish, and George Clooney who remained a playboy bachelor until his 50’s, is considered an intelligent hero for taking his time to settle down?

Yes, I am thirty-seven. No, I have never been married or plan to have children anytime soon. I have been single for over ten years, and no I do not feel like I am missing out on anything, or that I am running out of time. There is no need for me to put out a billboard on the street searching for my new man, and no, I don’t think I am being selfish. My career comes first, and I am truly okay with that. Am I worried that I will not be able to get pregnant later in life? Nope. If I end up married someday and decide to have children, but can’t get pregnant, then I will adopt or use a surrogate. Do these issues play in my mind daily…not at all.  Continue reading →

To Live & Date in LA |Season 2, Ep9| “Did I Make the Right Choice?”

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To Live & Date in LA: |Season 2, Ep 8| “The Warriors”

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Relationship Advice: 5 Signs He’s Just Stringing You Along

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Relationship Advice: He’s Not Too Busy, He’s Just Not Interested in You

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Relationship Rant: 5 Times When Being Single Sucks!

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8 Years Single, 8 Lessons Learned

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8 Years Single

This May marked my eigth year of living on single girl lane. That’s the exit right off the I’m good on my own highway. In these eight years I have grown tremendously and learned a few lessons about myself, love and the opposite sex. So, without further ado…let’s get to this list. 8 Years Single, 8 Lessons Learned:

1) Speak Up: I can never figure out if someone likes me. Seriously, unless someone literally comes out and says, “Jonesie, I like you.” I never assume that they do. A guy could be blatantly flirting and I will mindlessly stare at him like he is a killer clown from outer space, and I am petrified with fear. Please for the love of all things holy just tell him/her how you feel! If they reciprocate your feelings, then mission accomplished. If they don’t, then it’s their loss. At least you released your emotions instead of bottling them up inside. Be a boss, and speak up for what you want. Whether it’s in a relationship, work issue or business matter.

2) Live Alone: Living on your own, in my opinion, is a must for everyone…especially women. Knowing that I can kill all the spiders in my apartment by my damn self makes me feel badass. Also, I’ve learned how to be okay with being on my own. I have my own set of tools, can carry an insane amount of groceries up a flight of stairs, put together an IKEA item, fix my toilet and finish an entire pizza all by myself. Goals yo.

3) Learn Your Money: Where is your money going every month? How much are you spending? How much are you saving? What are your plans for your money? These are all lessons I have learned on my own the hard way. Like, the extra hard, unnecessarily, what the hell were you thinking kind of ways.

My mom was perfect with her money. She made great money at her job, saved, paid bills on time, budgeted the spending for her and my dad, basically everything. My mom was a money wizard, and thankfully she taught me how to be as well. I still made mistakes that were dumb, and some of them necessary because it taught me how to “learn my money”.

For me, depending on someone else financially is not an option, but if that is for you and you are happy living your life that way I am not judging you. Even if you are, you still need to learn your money. Know how to budget, where your money is headed every month, and if there are costs that need to be cut. Money is the number one reason for discord in relationships, so you want to enter into one fully aware of your financial situations, and have a plan just incase of a financial emergency. Continue reading →

Recipe: Chicken Parmesan Potato Casserole

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How My Co-Worker Single Shamed Me

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single shamed

Apparently single-shaming is an epidemic, and I have become its latest victim. At work, while discussing random mundane things with a co-worker I am not really friends with. You know that co-worker that always has something to say and you just pretend type on your computer while they stand at your desk yammering, in hopes that they’ll go away…that co-worker. During the one-sided chat, the topic of money jumped into the conversation, which went a little something like this: 

Me: I usually work 2 jobs.
Co-Worker: Well yah, you’re SINGLE.
Me: That’s not why. My work ethic-
Her: My husband makes good money and I don’t have to worry about that.
I don’t have to worry about whether there is enough.

I guess being single equates to being a broke, lonely loser. Women are shamed for being single, while men are praised for it. I’m a lonely loser for being single, but a man my exact age, is a “player”. And the fact that I work, sometimes two jobs, and live on my own, pay all of my own bills, and am independent, means nothing because at thirty-six years old…I am single…and a loser, according to her. Continue reading →