Tag: Los Angeles

Am I Too Independent?

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The other day while literally staring off into space I think I had a epiphany…Really am I being that dramatic in the opening line of this post? Yes, I am. Here’s the thing…I was thinking back to all of my relationships past and the one recurring theme, or should I say issue that has been brought up with me is that I am too independent. This was very prevalent in my last relationship I was in. And thinking back my independence has distanced men from me my entire life. When I was younger my dad wished I were more dependent all the time. As an adult he told me that my independence actually bothered him as he had constantly complained to my mom that he wished I would come to him, or them when I had a problem.

I had my first real boyfriend at age 18 during my Senior year of high school and he had serious issues with my independence. I distinctly remember him getting mad at me because I wouldn’t let him wash my car for me, and wanted to do it myself. Sounds really trivial right? Why wouldn’t I just let him do it? Maybe because it was MY car and I worked my butt off getting good grades, and not getting in trouble so my parents would even get it for me. Maybe because I felt that the car was MY responsibility and I should be the one to take care of it. And maybe I just wanted him to know that I could take care of my car, and myself, and felt a need to prove it to him for some reason.

As a kid I was bullied and tormented by my classmates and even some teachers. I never once told my parents. It started in the first grade and unlike any other kid who would share what was going on with their parents, I felt that I needed to deal with my problems myself and not burden my parents, or have my parents “save” me. But where this feeling came from I have no idea. As I got older and as the bullying, gossip and my classmates torture became worse, I closed up even more. I only went to my parents once, because I got in trouble at school for finally fighting back, and they were called. I felt showing them and anyone else that I could not handle my own situations myself showed weakness, and I never want to be weak.  Continue reading →

Listening to Your Friends Can Keep You Single

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If I read one more tweet about how relationships are supposed to be easy, or how if a man really loves you he’ll never make you cry, or that arguing leads to the demise of a relationship I am going to lose it! Seriously who the hell came up with these naive and dare I say idiotic rules for relationships? I know who did…your friends, and their friends, and their friends, and so on. Yes, that’s right listening to our friends-or strangers who we call friends on Twitter or Facebook-can literally lead to you being dumped, cheated on, forgotten about, or avoided by the one you adore

Think about this…how often do we look to others for advice or direction on what to do in our relationships? How many times have you called up your girlfriends to tell them what your boyfriend did? And ladies we are not the only guilty parties in the bad advice pyramid scheme…Men are just as bad! And yes I referred to bad relationship advice as a pyramid scheme, because to me, it is!

Here is how the pyramid developed: There was this one man or woman who decided they had all the answers, so they went to their friends and told them all of the “answers” to life, which evolved into those answer loving recipients to continue spreading out the answers to life all over town, which eventually ended up being told to your mom or dad, who told them to your big brother or sister, who told them to you, and you tell them to your friends. See…see how easy it is to ride down the slippery pyramid scheme slope?

I am just as guilty of this as well. I remember going to someone for advice on every little aspect of my relationship with the Baseball Player. He and I fell for each other quick and hard. And instead of admitting that to one another, I discussed us with my advice giver, and he discussed us with his best friend who I’ll refer to as The Weasel. Oh yeah I said it…he was a weasel. Anyway the weasel had just gone through a bad break-up and the Baseball Player and I were doing so well that he had a typical case of jealousy and did everything in his power to tear us apart.  Continue reading →

My Live-In boyfriend Dumped Me Over Text

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Relationships are hard. Relationships are amazing. Relationships are work. Relationships are beautiful. And relationships can be brutal. There seems to always be one person in the relationship who holds the “relationship cards” if you will. Meaning that they give less emotionally which in turn leaves them holding your emotional cards in their hands. Because you keep giving and giving to supply the emotional need(s) you are not getting from them. In my last relationship three years ago I dated a guy I’ll refer to as D…short for Douchebag.


D and I met at a time where I just began to exert my feminism and independence with confidence in my life. I had just moved into my first apartment-by myself-and returned to school. I felt amazing, beautiful, smart and accomplished. I also had absolutely no desire to be in a relationship or need to meet someone new, and I meet this D a few weeks later. Yes, weeks…four weeks to be exact.

I was not attracted to him physically, but after our first phone conversation, which can I just add, lasted four hours…I figured saying yes to him asking me out would not hurt. He told me he was part French and could help me with my French as I was studying the language in hopes of taking a backpacking trip there. He also liked the same type of music I liked, and was eager to explore LA, and try foods from all of the restaurants I told him I loved. 
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Feels Like the First Time

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 Chemistry is an essential ingredient in all relationships, but if you do not have sexual chemistry can the relationship last? Whenever you meet someone new, there are a lot of firsts that you have with that person. The first date, the first all night conversation, the first kiss, etc…
Which brings me to an awkward moment many of us have had; The first time you have sex with someone new. Here’s the thing, first time sex can be so amazing, but it can also take a very weird and not so amazing turn. Mistakes can be made that either make you run away, or make you want to improve every other time from that point on!

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The Cable Guy Called Me Out on My Dating Issues

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The cable guy told me I had commitment issues: I recently canceled my incredibly high priced cable subscription in an effort to save money and focus on my business more and t.v. less. Cable guy #1 tried to get me not to cancel and sell me on how I’d be missing out on “so much” because I no longer had cable. To which I explained there was absolutely nothing he could say to prevent me from canceling and saving money.
I then called two other cable companies to compare packages for future reference, and that’s when it happened. I had a philosophical conversation about my issues with Cable guy #2.
After selling me on a new cable package he had me fishing out my credit card from my wallet when he dropped a huge bomb on me: I’d have to sign a two-year contract to get the specials he was offering! That’s when he lost me. I freaked out-literally. I could feel my heart racing as I held the phone and my credit card immediately went back into my wallet.

Dear New Guy

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Recently my good friend got engaged and when your friends lives start to change it inevitably makes you think about yours. Over the summer I made a pact with my friends to stop running from commitment, and date outside of my “usual” box. Enter, the new guy, who I met at the end of the summer and have been dating for a month now.
There is something about dating someone new, it feels great, you think about them all the time, and you instantly feel amazing every time they are around you. I on the other hand feel none of these things! 

See previous posts regarding my commitment issues lol…When I date someone new I go into panic mode and instantly fear all of the new feelings I feel, and try and push them far, far, away. And this is the behavior I have vowed to change!
When you hit a certain age-as I am now checking the 30 & over box on my health forms-you begin to reevaluate all of the decisions you have previously made, and wonder how those decisions have shaped your life making you into the person your are today. With that being said there is a lot I’d like to say to the new guy, but still haven’t conquered the fear that keeps me from saying them. Maybe I should warn the new guy about all my quirks, and give him a chance to run away, or is it giving myself a chance to run like hell like the old me would do.
    
     Dear New Guy,
 I like you so much that it scares the hell out of me. You are an amazing person, and make all the fears I have about being committed to someone disappear. At times I am neurotic, insecure, and afraid to verbalize how I feel. Most times I am strong and confident, but when it comes to love I still have a lot to learn. There will be times when I try to push you away by over analyzing everything you do, but know that this will change in time…New guy, whether we make it or not, just knowing you has already made my life better. 

That Time He Mailed Me My Underwear

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 Confession time: I push people away, I find a fault or create one and use that as an excuse to run away from whoever I am dating at the time. I haven’t always been this way…or maybe I have, but I am really trying to change my ways. There was one person in particular-I will refer to him as Mr. J-yes that moniker is completely unoriginal, but I am 98% sure he does not read my posts so using that lame moniker is totally okay in this instance.

I met Mr. J last fall and it took me no time to like him as a friend. He was the most confident, self-assured, smart, creative, laid back guy I had met in a long time. We talked until the next morning the first time we had a phone conversation and did the same on our first date. He was not the usual type I date, which made him even more interesting.
I pushed him away from the start, and convinced myself that I did not like him and only wanted him as a friend. Then something happened and I began to really like him…that’s where all the trouble started. In fact that’s where all the trouble usually starts for me.

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5 Ways to Keep Your Skin Summer Ready

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Summer is right around the corner which means you will be wearing less and showing way more skin than usual. And walking around with dry, flaky, skin is never okay so I am giving out 5 simple and easy tips to keep your skin Summer Ready:

1) 10 minute warm (not hot) showers: Limiting the amount of time you spend in the shower is not only great for the environment, but also does wonders for your skin. During the Spring/Summer months the weather is very drying to your skin and when you shower under very hot water for a long period of time it can have the same drying effects. Instead shower in warm water for 10 minutes (add 5 minutes for shaving or hair washing if needed), and it can be done because I do it everyday!

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Not Every Woman is Desperate for a Boyfriend

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 My friends and I have come across an epidemic lately: Men who believe that we are desperate to have them as our boyfriends. Listen I am not bashing love or being in love, I am all for love, and think that when you find someone amazing you should not pass them by. As of recent events in my life I have come to find that there is a way of thinking when it comes to women and what they want from men.
 PSA: Guys not every woman is desperate to have you as their man. Just because we are dating does not mean we are secretly planning our future wedding date in our heads. Women like to have fun with no commitments too sometimes, and if we wanted you to be our boyfriend…trust me you’d know. Now that I got that public service announcement out of the way let’s get down to business.

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Throw Away Your Dating Checklist!

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The “List” we all have one and we use it to measure up a new potential mate we meet. I can distinctly recall my first semester at Los Angeles College and one day in Psychology class the Professor asked for volunteers for an experiment. He called us out of the room one by one and then asked us to return to ask us a series of questions: 
 
Professor, “What do you look for in a mate?” Me, “Ummmm….he has to be nice, and tall, and thin, and have no kids, and have no ex-wife, and have a good job, and be smart.” That was the 22 year old me that adhered to that specific list (which had more must haves on there then I listed in class that day) for many more dating years…until now.

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5 Dating Mistakes I Made Last Year

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 In 2009 I ended a two year-shouldn’t have stayed so long because he was horrible-relationship, so that summer, and following fall was all about having fun with my girls aka: Breaking hearts and taking names! That was then, this is now…In 2011 I made my fair share of “Dating Mistakes” that I will share in hopes that I never make them again. New Year equals a New Me! Here are the five dating mistakes I made last year:

Mistake #1) Making excuses: If he wants you, you will know! When a man wants you he shows you period. Stop making excuses for his absence or lack of attention. I go to school, work full-time, and started my own business this year, but I still make time for someone when I am interested in them. Listen if President Obama can orchestrate date nights with the First Lady then the guy you met at the bar, mall, or Barnes & Noble last week can make time for you. So I will no longer accept or perpetuate lame excuses. If you want me show me.

Mistake #2) Trying to change someone. Never and I mean never try to change someone to fit the mold of what you want or need them to be. If he is telling you from the jump that he does not want to get married, and you know that you do, do not think that you will change his mind about marriage. If he wants kids, and you know you don’t do not try to show him all the benefits of a child-free life to better suit your needs. 


When people change to please others is not a genuine change. You change to improve yourself or your own life which will in turn make you more attractive to others. No trying to change him, either love him the way he is or walk away. 

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The Problem with Dating Bad Boys

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I have heard the following statement come out of mine or my friends mouth, “It’s too hard to meet a good guy.” a million times. So much that I literally would be a millionaire if I got a quarter handed to me every time we said it. But I can’t help but wonder…is it really hard to meet a “Good Guy” or just a hell of a lot easier to meet a bad one. First off lets set the guidelines for what makes someone a “Good Guy” and what makes someone a “Bad Guy”. 

In my opinion a “Good Guy” is a man that is kind, respectful, confident, and there for me when I need him…Okay and yes has a job, his own place, wants to get married and preferably have 2.5 kids! And what constitutes someone being a “Bad Guy”? The bad guy exudes confidence in an obnoxious way, is disrespectful, a liar, cheater and completely undependable.

     
The problem with the Bad Guy, is that this is the man that most of us end up attracted to although we say he is everything we don’t want. Suddenly we meet him and he becomes everything we never knew we wanted! So what he only texts instead of calls…he’s busy right? So what he has not introduced you to his friends or family…he’s just waiting for the right time.