6 Nights of Bedroom Fun to Try Immediately

6 nights

1) Sensual Dancing: I know what you’re thinking…’Jonesie, I am not messing up my genuine hardwood floors by splashing water on myself while hanging onto a chair!’ Alright, I totally get that but listen I am not telling you that you have to re-enact this particular scene from one of my fave all time dance flicks ever ‘Flashdance’, but would your man really be mad if you did? When you throw on something sexy (or be a total sex goddess-vixen and go nude) and start dancing like you own the place-which you probably do, or maybe you rent like me, either way, you’re a goddess-he will be left speechless.

FLASHDANCE -1983 JENNIFER BEALS

Well, let’s talk strategy then shall we. To put yourself in the right frame of mind I suggest practicing alone or take it up a notch and attend a dance class which can also be fun! Grab a girlfriend or go it alone and let your inner sex goddess come through…I know she is in there. Put on that dress that makes you feel insanely sexy, or panty set that you payed way to much for, grab your man/woman by the hand, sit them down and give ’em a show.

Why not? Don’t worry about looking perfect, because you are gorgeous and honestly honey, you being “on beat” is not the point of this exercise. It’s not about sliding up and down a pole and spinning on your head-although if you can do that, I for one would like to take lessons from your limber ass-it’s about exuding your sensuality in a fun and new way.

2) Blindfolds: Having five senses is pretty awesome. I mean we touch, feel, hear, taste and see everything, which is fabulous when it comes to sex, right? Well, when you take one of those senses away, every other sense is heightened. Blindfolding your partner is a crazy sexy…ummm…hello see the above pic of JLo, her abs and that blindfold! Now, do we all have JLo abs and a young tenderoni to put a blindfold on us? No. And guess what…we don’t need six-pack abs, and a young tenderloin to experience this heightened state of awareness. All you need is a tie, scarf, or blindfold purchased from a store. Trust me when I say your partner will not object to this act…at all.

asos blindfold

Just in case there is any apprehension, then you should talk about why they’re such a damn square and maybe you need to dump them. Alright, that was harsh. They’re not squares and you shouldn’t leave them. Just talk about any misgivings your partner may have. Another way of easing any fear they may have is by talking them through everything you are doing while you’re doing it. Also, grab their hands and let them feel their way about you. Again, their four other senses are super sensitive right now and the sound of your voice, and being able to touch you without seeing you will literally drive them crazy. Continue reading

5 Ways to Ease First-Date Stress

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First Dates can be extremely nerve-racking and awkward, or is that just me? Finding someone interesting enough to have a first date with can be an obstacle in itself. You find someone you like, text or in very rare cases, actually speak to them on the phone, then you get asked out…yes!!! Now you have to figure out what to wear and this can be really difficult because unfortunately people judge each other first, based on appearances. So, do you wear a dress, a shirt, jeans, a suit and tie? Where are you going to go on your date? Dinner, a movie, museum, or coffee? Should he/she pick you up or should you meet them there? Should you flat-iron your hair or leave it curly? Get a haircut and a shave or wear your beard? Ack…this is too much! Here are 5 things you can do to ease the stress of a first date:

1) Talk to Your Date Prior to Meeting Up: Talking seems to be a lost art form that our parents once did after school, while listening to records on the jukebox and drinking milkshakes at the local burger joint. What happened to talking? Where the hell did it go, and can we bring it back? I vote yes. Talk to your date before you actually go on your date.

Don’t text plan the entire thing. I am not suggesting you have a three hour phone conversation about what type of cheeses you like, or your favorite wine, but connecting verbally gives you a sense of direction when it comes to how you feel about someone. Call them and discuss, what you both like to do for entertainment, or what you are interested in so that you can both enjoy yourselves on your date. How many times have you showed up to a restaurant that literally has nothing on the menu you want to eat, or suffered through a film or game you have no interest in for the sake of the date? Talk first, gauge your interests, and plan accordingly.

2) Let Your Guard Down Just A Bit: This is a biggie for pretty much all of us. We are a generation of people who constantly Tweet or Instagram how quickly we cut people off, don’t trust others, or are giving up on love. What the hell happened to us? Why are we so cynical and jaded? I think I am having an existential moment right now, but I digress. Letting your guard down-especially for me-is terrifying. Opening yourself up to rejection, heartache, pain and all of the other descriptive ways in which you can be hurt, is scary and can make you really nervous, especially on date one when you are already in a bit of a frenzied state. If you don’t open yourself up to all of the possibilities of love whether they be negative, or positive, then love will never find you. Let your guard down and allow them to really get to know the real you, which leads me to tip number three.

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Birthday Sex…It’s Supposed to Happen, Right?

Birthday Sex...

The title is pretty cool right? Draws you in and you’re thinking, “What the hell is she going to write about? Sex…on her birthday?” well, not really. Maybe. Sorta, kinda. Excuse the grammatical errors but you know what I mean. With my birthday just days away, I got to thinking. When you are in a relationship there are milestones that you celebrate with your partner: Anniversaries, Holidays and Birthdays. Especially in those early months of dating where everything is fantastic and new. The stars are brighter, the sun is shinier and there is absolutely no wrong that your partner can do. Well, this post is not about the shiny and brand new, but the old and tarnished.

Birthdays are pretty dope right? I mean come on, we are celebrating the day we were birthed by our mothers. Sidenote: why don’t we celebrate our mom’s on this day? I mean shouldn’t she be the one to get the party, but I digress. When in a relationship, one of the many exciting experiences you have to look forward to, is sharing this day with someone. The wonderment of what they are going to do, or how you will celebrate is always fun. What if, though, you are dating/in a relationship with someone and your birthday turns out to be a huge bust? In my case, there was no Jake Ryan saves the day with a birthday cake, as we sit atop a table while I wear a pink bridesmaid dress a’la ’16 Candles’. There was…this… Continue reading

Single During the Holidays? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Care

Why is there so much pressure to be in a relationship during the holidays? Around the holidays you will almost always receive the, “When are you going to settle down?” and “When are you going to have a baby?” questions. I blame the weather. I blame the media. I blame Christmas. I blame New Year’s Eve, and I blame my uterus. Yes…I said my uterus. In LA we have no snow and it barely rains. As soon as those temperatures drop just a wee bit the thirstiness of being alone suddenly seems to surface in everyone. All of a sudden everyone on my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram feeds are posting about finding love and cuddle weather. During the summer it was all, “Shots, shots, shots!”, dancing and partying and clubbing, but as soon as the weather changed so did everyone’s outlook on love.

It has been scientifically proven that the weather does effect our moods and there is an actual disorder associated with the seasons; SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) a depressive disorder in which a persons depressive state is connected to specific seasons. Also the “Winter blues” can make us feel sad, needy, lonely or make you feel as though you need someone to fill the emptiness you are experiencing. Cold weather makes us want to snuggle I get it, but there is a huge difference between being lonely and spending time alone.

Instead of focusing on not having someone to cuddle with during the cold, use this time to focus on your needs or the needs of those around you. Pick up extra work hours and make that money to pay off a bill. Donate time to charity, create a vision board, learn how to cook, or hell, fly your sad ass to Jamaica and find some happiness. Whatever you choose just know that he/she will come along when YOU are fulfilled within yourself, then the universe will casually bring you your cuddle buddy.
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5 Signs That You’ll Never Be His Girlfriend

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Dating sucks. Okay, that was a harsh opener. Dating is a mix of emotions; nervousness, excitement, joy and awkwardness. When you like someone, your brain produces endorphins which trigger an actual physical and emotional response in your body. This is what causes the “butterflies in your stomach” feeling every time you are near your crush, and it feels damn good.

Having someone in your life feels like you’ve eaten pizza, ice cream, chocolate, and the best red wine you can find all at once, and not gained a pound at all afterward. It’s a feeling of intimacy that we all deserve to experience, but since dating can be so complicated, how do we know if our “situation” is leading towards something more…a relationship. Here is my list-because you all know I am a complete genius on the subject-of five signs that he (or she) are never, ever, like ever, going to take things to the next level with you…ever:

1) He Only Texts You:Ugh…you guys, texting is the bane of my existence. Remember when a guy liked you and actually picked up the phone to call you? I remember a boy calling me in the sixth grade, this was circa 1990, and I was so excited that I literally screamed. Then, we had pagers and you would send someone a numerical page, okay let me explain for all you youngsters who have no idea what I am referring to because you’ve grown up in the cell phone only days: Pagers were dope. Pagers were so fly and we all had one-mine was purple-and came up with words you could create using numbers, and certain number combinations meant different things. If someone texted you the combo 143 it meant I love you. Guys called you because they had to! They couldn’t send a text.

In high school a guy had a crush on me and wrote me letters almost weekly for an entire school year. Now, you have no idea what a guys handwriting even looks like. If you had to pick him out of a line-up based on his handwriting alone…you’d be screwed. You’d be all, ‘I’m sorry detective I have no idea who this handwriting belongs to. Can you have him send me a text?’ Now, all we get are bathroom selfies with the toilet seat in the background.

If he sets up all your “dates” through text, has not picked up the phone once to call you, and every text session escalates quickly into sexting, then you my friend, are not going to be his girlfriend. Listen, I do not think you have to have hour long, daily phone conversations to establish a relationship, but I know that texting takes absolutely no effort. Picking up the phone, hearing someone’s voice and establishing an actual intimate connection does.
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3 Lessons Learned from 2 Years of Celibacy

3 lESSONS LEARNED

I am currently passing year two of being celibate. Yes, okay, it’s been two years…you read that right. Here’s the thing, I did not deliberately choose to be celibate, the celibate life chose me! To be perfectly honest, I would love to meet someone amazing enough to break this non-self-imposed celibacy life. We have all made the mistake of equating sex with love right? Think about it, how many stories have we all listened to our girlfriends tell about that guy they went on a few dates with, had sex with, and who quickly and awkwardly moonwalks his way out of their life.

Sex is a huge factor in relationships and most times we end up having sex with people we are not in committed relationships with. I am not passing judgement whatsoever for those who do…I am explaining why I have taken that option off of the table for the past two years. For me, I want to take the time to get to know someone without the complications of sex clouding my judgement.

Often we have sex with a man in the very early stages of dating, whether it be the first or fifth date. Waiting is not about testing him to see how patient he will be. It’s about getting to know someone for who they truly are, and deciding if this is a person I want to be in an exclusive relationship with. Also, if they are deserving of having such an important piece of our body, heart and soul. Being celibate has taught me three important lessons about myself: Continue reading

5 Date Night Ideas for Under $100 in LA

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Dating is not cheap, and if you’re like me-and never get asked out on dates-I mean, if you’re like me, sometimes you have to date on a budget. I as you all know am an L.A. native born and raised, and after my friend asked me where her and her husband could celebrate their anniversary for $100, I came up with these five ideas that I thought I should share with you! Los Angeles is filled with really expensive restaurants, bars, cars, handbags, dogs, shoes and people, but not all of us can spend $200 per week on a date right? Wait, now I’m wondering if a guy has ever spent $200 on a date with me…ummm…Netflix is like $10 a month right? Let’s just move on. While there is nothing wrong with a Netflix date my friends, I do strongly suggest you hold off on the Netflix date for the first few weeks. Whether you’re an L.A. native, transport or just visiting, why not try these five suggestions for under $100?!

Date Spot #1) Perch LA: 448 South Hill St.

There are so many reasons to fall in love at this place! Both of the pictures in this post were taken by me at this establishment. Not only can you literally dine on the edge of one of downtown’s most amazing rooftops (located on the 15th floor of the Hill building), but they also have not one but two bars, with one being located on the first floor of the bar, and the other on the rooftop outside. There is also this mysterious and sexy entrance, yes I typed entrance, that you take just to get up there…one elevator takes you to another elevator that has an actual Silver Bird for the button to press that will guide your elevator to Perch. Very sexy! Did I also mention that they have a live jazz band, an insane Happy Hour (4-6pm), and hello the views are to die for!

At Perch you and you date will have a 360 degree view of downtown Los Angeles that is just as spectacular by sunset as it is in the morning (hello, brunch date). The menu is fantastic and I am partial to their Grilled Caesar Salad with Chicken. The chicken melts in your mouth and is cooked to tender perfection, and the salad is literally grilled, a half of romaine is grilled and topped with creamy goodness that is such a hearty portion, you could share it with your date.

I am a huge dessert aficionado and their White Chocolate Bread Pudding is drenched in a Bourbon glaze and served with fresh fruit. Do I really need to say more? The menu options are fancy (that’s an SAT word hahahah) but, like I said one portion can feed two, so it’s a win-win for your wallet and your romance meter will be at like, ten thousand percent. Just be prepared to get super romantic, kissy, loving and score huge points with your date! Thank me later.
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Social Media Did Not Ruin Your Relationship, You Did

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 Social media does not ruin relationships…people do. There are thousands of ways to meet, find, look up, connect, hookup and explore people online. Online dating is a billion dollar business. Twitter has spawned countless hookups, and relationships. Facebook will reunite you with your elementary school crush, high school boyfriend, his cousin, and your prom date all within a few clicks. All of these outlets can bring you the love of your life, or the embarrassment of your life…Catfish anyone? With the influx of social media, texting, Instagram and every other ‘Gram’ of some sort available, there was bound to be a backlash.

I have been reading comments from men and women about how social media ruined there relationship. Many of these comments have been directed at or made after someone has been caught cheating. Is it easier to have access to men and women that you would not normally meet while working at Target? Yes. Has social media made it easier for the “Average Joe” to communicate with the “Unattainable Girl”? Yes.

Is it easy to fall for someone based on their Instagram pics? Yes. Does your ex really actually go away if you’re able to Facebook stalk their every move? No. Here are just a few other questions for you: Does Twitter have a penis? No. Does Instagram have a vagina? No. Does Facebook call you and ask you to go out with it? No. Okay, just checking.

The last time I checked, making a conscious decision to actively pursue someone, whether it be through texting, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, is a decision a man or woman makes on their own. The shift in our culture to not respect the boundaries of marriage and relationships has definitely exacerbated by social media. How many of us have hit on somebody we see online? You know you have so don’t act like this is brand new. We see a celebrity, model, sports figure, or attractive guy/woman on our timeline and our hormones transform into a free for all of lustful comments, DM’s, or “like” clicks on all of their Instagram pics.

We see someone we like, want, want to sleep with, or are curious about and we have absolutely no filter in letting them know. Our phones and computer screens have become a safe place, a border if you will that not only grants us immediate access to anyone, but also does something to our psyche, and we are filled with an insane amount of confidence we’ve never had before. We post intimate pics of ourselves, we ask celebrities out on dates, we tell married men and women that we could love them better then their spouses, we post #mcm (Man Crush Monday) and #wcw (Women Crush Wednesday) pics with that tiny inkling of hope that our crush will like us back. Continue reading

Relationship Advice: Talk About Your Money!

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No one likes to talk about money. No one. Let me tell you what people like to talk about: How much they paid for their purse or car. How much their new Jordan’s or Gucci sunglasses cost. How much money they spent on the gift they just bought, or dinner, or shots at the club. We can’t forget about how people love to show off their money too. How many Twitter, Facebook and Instagram pics have you seen of someone holding a gigantic stack of money? I won’t even get into how many “Outfit of the Day” pics there are…everywhere. Oh, and how many Louboutin, sneaker, and diamond watch pics do we view on Instagram every damn day?

Here’s the thing, no one likes to talk about money, and here is what I mean with my statement: where are all the 401k Facebook updates? How about the Tweets about paying off a credit card, student loan, or car debt? I’ve never seen anyone post about their retirement savings account or what they’re doing to raise there credit score. This is what I am talking about when it comes to money, and the difference between the examples I have given, can make or break your relationship.

Does money matter in a relationship? YES. If a man asks you out on a date, do you expect him to pay? If you ask a man out is it not fair for him to expect you to pay? Money comes into play in the very beginning stages of your relationship. One of the first questions asked by us of a new love interest is, “What do you do for a living?”. Issues over money are the leading cause of divorce. Money is an essential and must be discussed. So, how do we get to a point to where we can openly discuss our financials with our partner? By talking! Seriously, communication. That’s it. Do it, do it now…well wait until you finish reading this post first, then do it.

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If You Chase Him…He Will Run

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 I love guys. I love the way they smile. I love the way they smell. I love how they put their hand on your neck while kissing you. I love men. When I am interested in a guy I expect it to be all easy and sparkly. I want him to bump into me while I’m at the bookstore, reach for the same book on the shelf, touch my hand, feel my sparkle and fall in love with me. What has been my pattern is finding and chasing the most emotionally unavailable men of the Los Angeles area.

 

Here’s how it goes down: I meet someone who I am attracted to. He may or may not be attracted to me, which I usually have no clue of, because as usual they never just tell me how they feel, so I set out to “find out” if they do. Hence the emotional unavailability. This is when the chase becomes a game I set out to win. I suddenly become a lion chasing after the gazelle in the wild. Letting someone know you are interested in them is amazing. It’s a risk that you take and you literally roll the dice hoping that he/she will pick them up, kiss them, and place them in your hand, along with their heart.

Sometimes, love sucks. Like when you are so into someone and they are not reciprocating your feelings. I’m way to scared to say what I’m thinking when I do have feelings for someone. In my head it’s like, ‘Hey you cute guy, I like you, and you should totally like me, let’s go hang out at the bookstore, and ride unicorns on sparkly highways for the rest of our lives.’ In person, I’m totally awkward, talk a lot, and make random self-deprecating jokes out of nervousness when I’m around someone I like. If I see or feel an inkling of that person maybe, sort kinda, just a tad, almost, kind of a little bit liking me back…the lioness in me roars it’s awkward head and he becomes the gazelle that I must chase, capture and keep locked up in my heart.  Continue reading

Dear Nice Guys Everywhere, I Was Wrong

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I dated a nice guy once. He was the sweetest guy ever and I dumped him. Let me set the scene…it was fourth grade, the year was 1990, and Billy, my boyfriend at school was not really the guy I liked the best, but he liked me the most. For Halloween he had a trick-or-treat party and his parents said they liked me. Being that I was one of two black girls in the school and there son was white and we were ten…they were pretty cool about it!

Billy was very attentive and would always hang out with me during recess, sit next to me in class or stare at me all googly-eyed throughout the day. Then…it ended. He went on a family vacation to Hawaii and brought me back a few gifts; a necklace and a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts. That was it. The last straw. I decided Billy was smothering me, and dumped him. I remember sitting in class and he did not sit next to me. He stared at me with a broken heart and puppy dog eyes, and after the resident “bad boy” of our grade named Ryan, that I liked rejected me yet again, I instantly regretted breaking up with Billy.

Here’s the thing about “Nice Guys”…they get a bad rap. They are usually the dorky sidekick in a film or the band geek hiring someone to be their girlfriend in a movie. They almost always are portrayed as bad dressers, glasses wearers, and nasal voice having guys with no chest hair. They are always way into a girl that’s “too pretty” or “too cool” to go out with them so they pine after her as they watch her make-out with the “Bad Boy” in town.

The “Bad Boy” on the other hand is dope! He has an insane amount of swagger, is typically the best dressed, the most liked, and has mad bass in his voice. The “Bad Boy” is always spurning the advances of girls and women who literally swoon and catch the vapors as he walks by finger pointing and winking his eye at the same time (all Bad Boys must know how to perform this simultaneous action).

The “Bad Boy” always smells good, has like ten girlfriends at once, who all fight over him, and never gets pimples. He is desirable because he seems so unattainable. He is raw, sexual and mesmerizing. The “Bad Boy” has that…that…sexy something that makes you want to throw your panties at him every-damn-time-you-see-him. Even when he does the finger point/wink combo!  Continue reading

When Your Ex Finds Someone New & You Don’t

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Why does it hurt so bad when we see our ex with someone new? My last boyfriend was not a very nice person. He was not a good person…as a matter of fact, he was one of the most selfish and unkind people I became to know, but I digress. Breaking up with someone is never fun and seeing your ex with someone new is heartbreaking. When my ex and I broke up over four years ago I actually felt relieved. He had cheated and we stayed together.

I became a paranoid koo koo bird that drove to the gym, parked outside of it, and checked to see if his car was there. I even did the dreaded…check his phone move. I was younger then I am now of course and I have clearly matured. So, if he was such a douchebag why did it hurt when I saw his lovey-dovey post on Facebook that included a picture of his new girlfriend?

Maybe I was hurt because he has someone new and I know who he really is. She hasn’t met the selfish, cheating, plays the guitar while sitting on the toilet, obsesses over his outfit choices, and owns more moisturizers then me guy. She has yet to meet Mr. I am going to the gym, but not really going there. New girl also doesn’t know Mr. I am going to call my mom and tell her all of our relationship business either. Why does ‘New Girl’ get to meet this new amazing and loving guy while I had to be with the aforementioned a-hole? It’s not fair.

Maybe I am jealous that he has a girlfriend and I, well, am single. I have not had a boyfriend since him and it’s been over four years. Okay, the first two years was me partying it up and having so much fun that the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Now that I have settled into my true self: I ma confident, working hard every single day to accomplish my goals, writing, acting etc. I would really love to have my “person” to share all of this with. Why does he get to have a “person” and I don’t. He sucks.  Continue reading

5 Times When Being Single Sucks

 5 Times When Being Single Sucks

 Sometimes being single friggin’ sucks. Before you roll your eyes at me, let me also state that if you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I in no way feel you need a man to complete you, be happy or live a fulfilled life…I have been happily single for over four years now and have written over 50 blog post demonstrating that. Now with that dtisclaimer being said…well typed…let me also state that there are definite times when being single does in fact suck:

 Being Single Sucks When:
 
1) When my 82 year old Grandmother tells me to use up my eggs before they dry up: Yup, this happened, in a store, in public, because when you’re 82, you can literally say anything you want and get away with it. It happened like this: 
Me: “Nanny, I don’t really care about getting married.”
Nanny: “How old are you now?”
Me: “33.”

Nanny: “You better use those eggs up before they dry up.”

Here’s why this sucks:

A) Who wants to disappoint their grandma?
B) I’m 33 years old and yes, my eggs are drying up.
C) I am literally in no rush to be married or have kids
D) There is no D actually, I just like even numbers.

Okay, so yes I am single, I am not in a rush to be married nor am I purposely looking for a man to procreate with. This is an instance when being single sucks, because I do think about the fact that both of my grandmothers are up in age, and if I were to find someone to spend my life with, I would like both of them to be here for it.

2) When I’m sick: Being that I am a 33 year old adult woman…I have my own place and do not live with my parents anymore. One of the worst times to live alone is when you are sick, and I don’t mean have a cold sick. I mean the flu, pneumonia, bronchitis, cannot go to work, drive yourself to urgent care, can’t talk, getting out of bed is impossible, even my eyelashes hurt kind of sick. I have been all of those things and have had to take care of myself by myself.

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90 Days on Match: 5 Reasons Why it Sucks

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1) There are over 100 questions the system asks you to answer to “Match” you with someone that has similar interests and then picks your interest based on none of those answers.

2) The Match.com system bases the matches they send you three common interest that are insanely frivolous like: You both enjoy dining out, Like you he likes dogs, and He enjoys watching movies. Really? Really Match? Really?

3) Match.com does not check the ethnicity preferences their members have chosen before they match them up to you. For instance 80% of the matches Match.com has sent me, have been members that only want to date women that are not black/African American. The members in most cases have chosen white/Caucasian, Latino/Hispanic or Asian as their ethnicity of choice.

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