• Blog

    5 Ways to Ease First-Date Stress

    5ways  

    First Dates can be extremely nerve-racking and awkward, or is that just me? Finding someone interesting enough to have a first date with can be an obstacle in itself. You find someone you like, text or in very rare cases, actually speak to them on the phone, then you get asked out…yes!!! Now you have to figure out what to wear and this can be really difficult because unfortunately people judge each other first, based on appearances. So, do you wear a dress, a shirt, jeans, a suit and tie? Where are you going to go on your date? Dinner, a movie, museum, or coffee? Should he/she pick you up or should you meet them there? Should you flat-iron your hair or leave it curly? Get a haircut and a shave or wear your beard? Ack…this is too much! Here are 5 things you can do to ease the stress of a first date:

    1) Talk to Your Date Prior to Meeting Up: Talking seems to be a lost art form that our parents once did after school, while listening to records on the jukebox and drinking milkshakes at the local burger joint. What happened to talking? Where the hell did it go, and can we bring it back? I vote yes. Talk to your date before you actually go on your date.

    Don’t text plan the entire thing. I am not suggesting you have a three hour phone conversation about what type of cheeses you like, or your favorite wine, but connecting verbally gives you a sense of direction when it comes to how you feel about someone. Call them and discuss, what you both like to do for entertainment, or what you are interested in so that you can both enjoy yourselves on your date. How many times have you showed up to a restaurant that literally has nothing on the menu you want to eat, or suffered through a film or game you have no interest in for the sake of the date? Talk first, gauge your interests, and plan accordingly.

    2) Let Your Guard Down Just A Bit: This is a biggie for pretty much all of us. We are a generation of people who constantly Tweet or Instagram how quickly we cut people off, don’t trust others, or are giving up on love. What the hell happened to us? Why are we so cynical and jaded? I think I am having an existential moment right now, but I digress. Letting your guard down-especially for me-is terrifying. Opening yourself up to rejection, heartache, pain and all of the other descriptive ways in which you can be hurt, is scary and can make you really nervous, especially on date one when you are already in a bit of a frenzied state. If you don’t open yourself up to all of the possibilities of love whether they be negative, or positive, then love will never find you. Let your guard down and allow them to really get to know the real you, which leads me to tip number three.

  • Blog

    Single During the Holidays? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Care

    Why is there so much pressure to be in a relationship during the holidays? Around the holidays you will almost always receive the, “When are you going to settle down?” and “When are you going to have a baby?” questions. I blame the weather. I blame the media. I blame Christmas. I blame New Year’s Eve, and I blame my uterus. Yes…I said my uterus. In LA we have no snow and it barely rains. As soon as those temperatures drop just a wee bit the thirstiness of being alone suddenly seems to surface in everyone. All of a sudden everyone on my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram feeds are posting about finding love and cuddle weather. During the summer it was all, “Shots, shots, shots!”, dancing and partying and clubbing, but as soon as the weather changed so did everyone’s outlook on love.

    It has been scientifically proven that the weather does effect our moods and there is an actual disorder associated with the seasons; SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) a depressive disorder in which a persons depressive state is connected to specific seasons. Also the “Winter blues” can make us feel sad, needy, lonely or make you feel as though you need someone to fill the emptiness you are experiencing. Cold weather makes us want to snuggle I get it, but there is a huge difference between being lonely and spending time alone.

    Instead of focusing on not having someone to cuddle with during the cold, use this time to focus on your needs or the needs of those around you. Pick up extra work hours and make that money to pay off a bill. Donate time to charity, create a vision board, learn how to cook, or hell, fly your sad ass to Jamaica and find some happiness. Whatever you choose just know that he/she will come along when YOU are fulfilled within yourself, then the universe will casually bring you your cuddle buddy.

  • Blog

    Social Media Did Not Ruin Your Relationship, You Did

    social-media

     Social media does not ruin relationships…people do. There are thousands of ways to meet, find, look up, connect, hookup and explore people online. Online dating is a billion dollar business. Twitter has spawned countless hookups, and relationships. Facebook will reunite you with your elementary school crush, high school boyfriend, his cousin, and your prom date all within a few clicks. All of these outlets can bring you the love of your life, or the embarrassment of your life…Catfish anyone? With the influx of social media, texting, Instagram and every other ‘Gram’ of some sort available, there was bound to be a backlash.

    I have been reading comments from men and women about how social media ruined there relationship. Many of these comments have been directed at or made after someone has been caught cheating. Is it easier to have access to men and women that you would not normally meet while working at Target? Yes. Has social media made it easier for the “Average Joe” to communicate with the “Unattainable Girl”? Yes.

    Is it easy to fall for someone based on their Instagram pics? Yes. Does your ex really actually go away if you’re able to Facebook stalk their every move? No. Here are just a few other questions for you: Does Twitter have a penis? No. Does Instagram have a vagina? No. Does Facebook call you and ask you to go out with it? No. Okay, just checking.

    The last time I checked, making a conscious decision to actively pursue someone, whether it be through texting, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, is a decision a man or woman makes on their own. The shift in our culture to not respect the boundaries of marriage and relationships has definitely exacerbated by social media. How many of us have hit on somebody we see online? You know you have so don’t act like this is brand new. We see a celebrity, model, sports figure, or attractive guy/woman on our timeline and our hormones transform into a free for all of lustful comments, DM’s, or “like” clicks on all of their Instagram pics.

    We see someone we like, want, want to sleep with, or are curious about and we have absolutely no filter in letting them know. Our phones and computer screens have become a safe place, a border if you will that not only grants us immediate access to anyone, but also does something to our psyche, and we are filled with an insane amount of confidence we’ve never had before. We post intimate pics of ourselves, we ask celebrities out on dates, we tell married men and women that we could love them better then their spouses, we post #mcm (Man Crush Monday) and #wcw (Women Crush Wednesday) pics with that tiny inkling of hope that our crush will like us back.

  • Blog

    If You Chase Him…He Will Run

    love

     I love guys. I love the way they smile. I love the way they smell. I love how they put their hand on your neck while kissing you. I love men. When I am interested in a guy I expect it to be all easy and sparkly. I want him to bump into me while I’m at the bookstore, reach for the same book on the shelf, touch my hand, feel my sparkle and fall in love with me. What has been my pattern is finding and chasing the most emotionally unavailable men of the Los Angeles area.

     

    Here’s how it goes down: I meet someone who I am attracted to. He may or may not be attracted to me, which I usually have no clue of, because as usual they never just tell me how they feel, so I set out to “find out” if they do. Hence the emotional unavailability. This is when the chase becomes a game I set out to win. I suddenly become a lion chasing after the gazelle in the wild. Letting someone know you are interested in them is amazing. It’s a risk that you take and you literally roll the dice hoping that he/she will pick them up, kiss them, and place them in your hand, along with their heart.

    Sometimes, love sucks. Like when you are so into someone and they are not reciprocating your feelings. I’m way to scared to say what I’m thinking when I do have feelings for someone. In my head it’s like, ‘Hey you cute guy, I like you, and you should totally like me, let’s go hang out at the bookstore, and ride unicorns on sparkly highways for the rest of our lives.’ In person, I’m totally awkward, talk a lot, and make random self-deprecating jokes out of nervousness when I’m around someone I like. If I see or feel an inkling of that person maybe, sort kinda, just a tad, almost, kind of a little bit liking me back…the lioness in me roars it’s awkward head and he becomes the gazelle that I must chase, capture and keep locked up in my heart. 

  • Blog

    Dear Nice Guys Everywhere, I Was Wrong

    nice guys-2

    I dated a nice guy once. He was the sweetest guy ever and I dumped him. Let me set the scene…it was fourth grade, the year was 1990, and Billy, my boyfriend at school was not really the guy I liked the best, but he liked me the most. For Halloween he had a trick-or-treat party and his parents said they liked me. Being that I was one of two black girls in the school and there son was white and we were ten…they were pretty cool about it!

    Billy was very attentive and would always hang out with me during recess, sit next to me in class or stare at me all googly-eyed throughout the day. Then…it ended. He went on a family vacation to Hawaii and brought me back a few gifts; a necklace and a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts. That was it. The last straw. I decided Billy was smothering me, and dumped him. I remember sitting in class and he did not sit next to me. He stared at me with a broken heart and puppy dog eyes, and after the resident “bad boy” of our grade named Ryan, that I liked rejected me yet again, I instantly regretted breaking up with Billy.

    Here’s the thing about “Nice Guys”…they get a bad rap. They are usually the dorky sidekick in a film or the band geek hiring someone to be their girlfriend in a movie. They almost always are portrayed as bad dressers, glasses wearers, and nasal voice having guys with no chest hair. They are always way into a girl that’s “too pretty” or “too cool” to go out with them so they pine after her as they watch her make-out with the “Bad Boy” in town.

    The “Bad Boy” on the other hand is dope! He has an insane amount of swagger, is typically the best dressed, the most liked, and has mad bass in his voice. The “Bad Boy” is always spurning the advances of girls and women who literally swoon and catch the vapors as he walks by finger pointing and winking his eye at the same time (all Bad Boys must know how to perform this simultaneous action).

    The “Bad Boy” always smells good, has like ten girlfriends at once, who all fight over him, and never gets pimples. He is desirable because he seems so unattainable. He is raw, sexual and mesmerizing. The “Bad Boy” has that…that…sexy something that makes you want to throw your panties at him every-damn-time-you-see-him. Even when he does the finger point/wink combo! 

  • Blog

    When Your Ex Finds Someone New & You Don’t

     exfinds

    Why does it hurt so bad when we see our ex with someone new? My last boyfriend was not a very nice person. He was not a good person…as a matter of fact, he was one of the most selfish and unkind people I became to know, but I digress. Breaking up with someone is never fun and seeing your ex with someone new is heartbreaking. When my ex and I broke up over four years ago I actually felt relieved. He had cheated and we stayed together.

    I became a paranoid koo koo bird that drove to the gym, parked outside of it, and checked to see if his car was there. I even did the dreaded…check his phone move. I was younger then I am now of course and I have clearly matured. So, if he was such a douchebag why did it hurt when I saw his lovey-dovey post on Facebook that included a picture of his new girlfriend?

    Maybe I was hurt because he has someone new and I know who he really is. She hasn’t met the selfish, cheating, plays the guitar while sitting on the toilet, obsesses over his outfit choices, and owns more moisturizers then me guy. She has yet to meet Mr. I am going to the gym, but not really going there. New girl also doesn’t know Mr. I am going to call my mom and tell her all of our relationship business either. Why does ‘New Girl’ get to meet this new amazing and loving guy while I had to be with the aforementioned a-hole? It’s not fair.

    Maybe I am jealous that he has a girlfriend and I, well, am single. I have not had a boyfriend since him and it’s been over four years. Okay, the first two years was me partying it up and having so much fun that the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Now that I have settled into my true self: I ma confident, working hard every single day to accomplish my goals, writing, acting etc. I would really love to have my “person” to share all of this with. Why does he get to have a “person” and I don’t. He sucks. 

  • Blog

    5 Times When Being Single Sucks

     5 Times When Being Single Sucks

     Sometimes being single friggin’ sucks. Before you roll your eyes at me, let me also state that if you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I in no way feel you need a man to complete you, be happy or live a fulfilled life…I have been happily single for over four years now and have written over 50 blog post demonstrating that. Now with that dtisclaimer being said…well typed…let me also state that there are definite times when being single does in fact suck:

     Being Single Sucks When:
     
    1) When my 82 year old Grandmother tells me to use up my eggs before they dry up: Yup, this happened, in a store, in public, because when you’re 82, you can literally say anything you want and get away with it. It happened like this: 
    Me: “Nanny, I don’t really care about getting married.”
    Nanny: “How old are you now?”
    Me: “33.”

    Nanny: “You better use those eggs up before they dry up.”

    Here’s why this sucks:

    A) Who wants to disappoint their grandma?
    B) I’m 33 years old and yes, my eggs are drying up.
    C) I am literally in no rush to be married or have kids
    D) There is no D actually, I just like even numbers.

    Okay, so yes I am single, I am not in a rush to be married nor am I purposely looking for a man to procreate with. This is an instance when being single sucks, because I do think about the fact that both of my grandmothers are up in age, and if I were to find someone to spend my life with, I would like both of them to be here for it.

    2) When I’m sick: Being that I am a 33 year old adult woman…I have my own place and do not live with my parents anymore. One of the worst times to live alone is when you are sick, and I don’t mean have a cold sick. I mean the flu, pneumonia, bronchitis, cannot go to work, drive yourself to urgent care, can’t talk, getting out of bed is impossible, even my eyelashes hurt kind of sick. I have been all of those things and have had to take care of myself by myself.
  • Blog

    90 Days on Match: 5 Reasons Why it Sucks

     match

    1) There are over 100 questions the system asks you to answer to “Match” you with someone that has similar interests and then picks your interest based on none of those answers.

    2) The Match.com system bases the matches they send you three common interest that are insanely frivolous like: You both enjoy dining out, Like you he likes dogs, and He enjoys watching movies. Really? Really Match? Really?

    3) Match.com does not check the ethnicity preferences their members have chosen before they match them up to you. For instance 80% of the matches Match.com has sent me, have been members that only want to date women that are not black/African American. The members in most cases have chosen white/Caucasian, Latino/Hispanic or Asian as their ethnicity of choice.

  • Blog

    90 Days on Match: I Should Have Ignored You

    match

    Okay kids, here I am three weeks into my 90 Days on Match.com experience, and let me just say that although the only way you can get to know someone is by making contact with them…I sure as hell wish I would not have made any contact with, well…anyone! For those of you that may need a refresher as to how this series on my blog came about, please read my first post and catch up on the goings on. Now let’s get down to the facts. During week 3 on Match my profile was viewed 52 times, I was sent 13 E-mails, and received a few winks. Here’s where it gets a bit dicey…

    I worried too much about how I was viewed by the men who e-mailed me. The guys that e-mailed me this week, were men that I had no interest in, and I did not want to come across like a jerk and just ignore them, so I e-mailed them back to “let them down easy”. Ugh…I feel like a total jackass just writing that sentence down. Here’s the thing. I have been ignored by someone before, you know, you text or call them, and they never respond. Or, you go out with them, even sleep with them and never hear form them again. We have all been there, so I did not want to just read their e-mails and delete them without at least responding in some way.

    One e-mail was really sweet, the guy told me how beautiful he thought I was, liked my smile etc. and I e-mailed him back basically letting him know I was not interested and wished him luck on his search. He seemed to understand so this was the “I’m not interested” e-mail I sent to everyone. Well, some of them took my response as encouragement instead of how it was intended. This is one of the caveats of online dating…there is no filter, literally, these men say ANY DAMN THING THEY WANT TO. Most of them could care less about you not responding, or responding to let them know you are not interested. There is something thrilling about seeing that little notification next to your inbox and it honestly gives you a feeling of adrenaline, mixed with feeling wanted. Really.

  • Blog

    90 Days on Match: This Sucks

     90 Days on Match...this sucks
    I recently read an article that fell onto my twitter feed about black women and online dating. The article stated that black women are the most ignored race on online dating sites. (Here is the NPR article in reference: (http://www.npr.org/2013/11/13/244991552/online-dating-asian-women-preferred) As soon as I read this I knew I had to test the waters and see what I could find. I previously wrote an article about online dating when I joined OkCupid, and was so annoyed with the entire experience that I literally only lasted one month in the online dating world! Cut to this article and I knew I could not ignore the statistics. I immediately signed up for Match.com as a three month subscriber and will be blogging my weekly experiences on the site.

    Let me breakdown Match for those who may not be aware with how the site works: You can sign up for a fee-of course-and subscribe for three or six months, or can sign up for longer. If you do not cancel your subscription it will automatically re-start. After entering in basic information about yourself, you can answer questions to a quiz that asks you the types of matches you prefer.

    During the week you are sent matches that are suggested by the Match computer and you can either skip, email, talk or send them a “wink” to let them know you are interested. Also, and this kind of sucks, there is a ticker counter on your profile that lets you know the number of people that have looked at your profile. That whole being able to see who and the number of people that view your profile thing can either crush your ego, or inflate it by the way…

  • Blog

    Still Single? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Give Up on Love…

    single

    There’s something so amazing about having someone in your life that truly understands you, loves you just as you are and is not trying to change you into the version of what they want you to be. Oh, and how awesome is it to have a date for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner? Or someone special to make fun of all of the other couples that are “way into Valentines Day”? Then there’s all of the firsts you have with your special someone: first kiss, first date, first time you say I love you…and we can’t forget the first time right…am I right? Yup, all of those things are beyond wonderful…so if you don’t have those experiences in your life right now, or haven’t had them for four years like myself, does that mean you should just give up on having them? I say no.

    Putting yourself out there really sucks sometimes. Yes, I said it…well, wrote it, I mean typed it. You know what I mean you guys! There are ten million different ways to find love: online dating sites, facebook, going to a bar, singles meet-ups, matchmaking services, twitter, instagram etc…and while all of these ways of meeting new people exist, most times actually using them in any form can be intimidating/scary/creepy/uncomfortable. So, what are we supposed to do? Wait around for Mr. or Mrs. Right? Or fearlessly put yourself out there so he or she will be able to find you? I say the latter and here’s why: No one is ever going to find you-or me-while you’re-or me-sitting at home everyday after work/every weekend. Ummm…yes that is my reason. Go with me on this…

    Being single is fun. I really mean it I have been single for four years and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. There is something about being on your own and not having relationship issues to deal with; no fighting, no facebook stalking, no toilet seat being left up, no shaving your legs every damn day. Then there are the times when being single does kind of suck; when I have to take out the trash at midnight because I forgot to do it in the morning and I threw away that lettuce I never ate, and now my apartment smells like a dumpster, and when there is some sort of unidentifiable and gigantic bug crawling on my carpet, and when I have to make three friggin’ trips from my car to my apartment upstairs because I bought a normal amount of groceries! Argh…that groceries thing pisses me off every time.

  • Blog

    3 Reasons Why He Didn’t Call

    Dating sucks. First dates especially suck. It’s like you’re interviewing someone to decide whether or not they will play a role in your life and, let’s be frank, gain access to your lady parts. So, you meet a guy (or girl), exchange numbers, text for a few days, talk on the phone and decide you are interested, then comes the first date. Excitement at this point is at an all time high. For me it’s a mix of excitement and nausea, but I digress. No matter what you’re feeling there is always a hope that this person will become your “person”.

    The first date goes really well and you end up talking for hours, he kisses you goodnight and tells you he had a great time…Cut to three days later and you still haven’t heard from him, so you think that he’s probably just playing it cool and send him a quick text to let him know you had a great time. Here it is two weeks later and it’s been total radio silence. You can’t help but wonder what the hell happened right? Did my breath stink, was my game off, what did I do?! Here are three reasons that may have played a part:

    Reason #1) Expectations: Listen, having expectations is totally normal. I have expectations about everything in my life: I expect my hair to always look good, I expect my outfits to always make me look like a model, I expect to be a millionaire and I expect to be liked when I like someone. Does all of this sound rational? Perhaps not. Here is the thing about having high expectations…they are YOUR expectations. No one is making you feel anything. You have to own the fact that these expectations are your own and you are choosing to project them onto someone else.

    You are not a princess, he is not a prince. You do not live in a castle. You are not friends with talking animals that help brush your hair in the morning. Expecting to find Mr or Mrs Right after date one may be a stretch, and expecting to have someone come into your life and all of a sudden make everything rainbows and roses is not fair to the person you’re on the date with. Expect to be treated with respect, expect to be appreciated for who you are, and expect to have a good time. Do not expect to be rescued, salvaged, saved, or given a tiara because it’s not going to happen. And, you don’t need it to! You are beautiful, smart, amazing and should have enough love for yourself that you don’t need to be rescued, but instead want to share your love with someone who deserves it. Crown your own self.

    Reason #2) You Were Not Authentic: Being ourselves, and I mean our true selves can at times be scary. Here is what I mean by that…I am a total nerd, I watch a lot of Family Guy, Scooby Doo and The Regular Show. I unabashedly love cartoons, and 80’s music, especially Hall & Oats. Watching vintage films makes me happy, and so does riding my beach cruiser that I spray painted pink and covered with sparkles. These are just a few of the things that make me who I am and they can be just a tad embarrassing to reveal about yourself on a first date.

    I know absolutely nothing about football nor do I care to know anything about it, but how many of us have pretended to be into it because the person we like is? We have all been there and why? Why pretend to be interested in something to please someone else? Then what happens is you come across as a liar because you will definitely be questioned about the subject you just pretended to be knowledgeable in and you will try to BS your way through an answer or have to lie to cover up for the fact that you lied initially!

    The key to being yourself is not to be afraid to be yourself. On my next date if a guy asks me what I like to do I will let him know I am a writer, actress, avid reader…and I love cartoons, own a pink sparkly beach cruiser and listen to a lot of Hall & Oats. If he doesn’t like me for those reasons then he has to go. Be you, no matter what because in the end that is who this man (or woman) will have to love.

  • Blog

    Guys: 10 Things Women Don’t Want You to Do

    Guys_ Here are 10 Things
    I previously wrote a list of 10 Things Not to Do in Front of Your Man and it has been my most popular blog post to date, so why not let the fellas know exactly what we don’t want to see them do right?! In actuality men have it pretty easy when it comes to so-called “bad behavior” because most of it is written off as just boys being boys i.e. burping, farting, sex jokes etc…and most of the times it may bother us but we really want to seem like the cool girlfriend or wife that doesn’t nag their man to stop doing whatever the hell it is that grosses us out. So, I’ll say it for you…I don’t care if your man hates me for it because there were some ladies that hated me for calling out our behavior on my previous list!

    1) Commenting on our friends, sisters, cousins, co-workers looks: This can either go horribly wrong or kind of right. For example: “Your mom is so beautiful you look just like her.” and then there is, “Yeah…your sister’s boobs are bigger than yours, but all I need is a handful.” (No this is not a made up example either, but I digress.) Look, its not like we expect you to not look at, desire or feel attracted to anyone else, but hearing how fine/hot/beautiful/pretty you think our best friend/sister/co-worker is, is not on our list of things we want to hear.

    Why? They are to close to home and to close to you. This is a scenario we see constantly played out in movies, television dramas and Maury Povich, so the last thing we want to equate with you is getting a phone call from Maury’s producer. Thinking someone is beautiful does not mean you are going to cheat on us with them either, but would you want us telling you how sexy we think your brother is? Didn’t think so.

    2) Trying to solve all of our problems for us: Guys we understand you are natural problem solvers but when we are venting about our co-worker Tanya (listen I don’t care how mature you are, we all have that one co-worker that just irks the hell out of us). For example, “Tanya flirts with everyone and it pisses me off! I’m sure she’s sleeping with our boss because she wouldn’t have gotten that raise otherwise!” Pause right here.

    What are you supposed to say to that? Should you try and solve this dilemma for her? Are you supposed to agree that Tanya is a slut? Do you tell your girl she may be reacting a bit over-the-top? No to everything! Just listen and please don’t try and come up with a plan of action unless we ask. We have been dealing with Tanya for a long time now and know what we need to do, but we can’t talk about her with anyone at work so we at times need to vent about it to you. Please put the whiteboard, markers, and note cards away…we got this.
    3) Texting/DM/Instant Messaging pics of your wiener: Let’s just be clear about this one okay guys. The days of being fascinated by how your wiener looks left when we started having sex. We know what it looks like and do not need to have it saved in our phones memory, e-mail database, or IM screen. There is nothing wrong with sexting and building up the anticipation of a night of amazing sex, and a few naughty texts are always great, but the constant influx of pics of you standing in the bathroom mirror naked with the toilet behind you in the background is starting to get old. If you must, one is enough…trust me. I always say that if a man really wants to turn me on he should text the following: When I get home I am going to pick you up, throw you on the bed, grab the…vacuum and clean the carpet. If you did this, I’d be home, naked, and waiting.

    4) Using the bathroom in front of us/leaving the bathroom door open: I also wrote about this for us ladies so stop rolling your eyes guys. There is a comfort factor that settles in between couples and a little bit of the shall we say “mystery” dies. I know, I know, you guys are men and in essence go to the bathroom in front of other men all the time right? So what’s the big deal? Let me clarify what I mean by using the bathroom in man terms…taking a dump. There I said it, it’s out there.

    Close the damn door, do not talk to me through the door, do not tell me about the size of your crap, do not comment on the smell of it, but do be a gentlemen and give me a quick, non-descriptive warning me before I go in after you. Let me also state that taking in a book, magazine, laptop, guitar, cell phone or whatever prop you need is also your prerogative, but don’t you ever in hell bring it out, and hand it to me, without wiping it down with a sanitizing wipe or spraying it with Lysol. That is all.

    5) Scratching your balls and/or sitting in front of the TV with your hand down your pants: Okay Al Bundy, you sitting in front of the television with your hand down your pants is not sexy. You scratching your balls mid conversation at the mall is not sexy. You adjusting your balls while walking in the grocery store is…not…sexy. We get it sometimes your balls land in an awkward place and need to be shifted, but can you be a bit more discreet about it, or excuse yourself when you do it, or just say excuse me when you do it in front of us? Not to mention that your balls can also get very sweaty, so when you’re sitting in front of the TV or computer with your hands down your pants we know you’re either jacking off or adjusting said sweaty balls. In any case you need to be more aware of others around you, wash your hands, and while your at it wash your balls.

  • Blog

    How I Learned to Stop Chasing Relationships

     How I Learned to Stop Chasing Relationships
     In the fourth grade I told Ryan that I liked him…Oh man you guys should have seen him, he was a total cutie pie with blondish brown hair and blue eyes. He liked my friend Summer, but I didn’t care I liked him. And he rejected me. This actually made me like him even more. I also tried to be more like Summer because a few of the boys liked her, and I figured I’d get their attention by changing myself to be who they want. This is how the vicious cycle of chasing men and relationships began…Let’s just dedicate this post to Ryan shall we?

    By the time I reached junior high things had sort of shifted for me. The boy in school that literally every girl liked…liked me! I really, really, thought I was special because he asked me to be his girlfriend. And yes this made all of the girls hate me, but who cares, I had the most popular guy in the eighth grade as my boyfriend, and I can care less what they thought. One day my eighth grade Adonis came up to me and told me that he didn’t think I looked pretty that day. His words were to the effect of, “I don’t understand how you can look so pretty one day and so….the next…so ugly.”

    Yup. After that I made sure I washed my face and brushed my teeth each morning with a vigor I never had before. I had to always have perfect hair and make sure my uniform looked pristine because that would keep his attention on me. None of this worked of course as he later dumped me for a girl who put out…damn me and my eighth grade morals.

     In high school I chased the guys that made it clear they did not want a relationship, but I honestly had no idea I was chasing them. If I liked someone and they did not like me I would do or say things to get their attention. Shawn was a prime example of that. I never went on dates or had even been asked to a dance (cue the violins) until around eleventh grade…this is when my cute factor finally decided to show up in my life, but I digress.
    Shawn always acted like he liked me and would call me (this was of course before texting and we all had pagers at this time) and play my favorite songs for me over the phone. Needless to say I fell completely in love. Well, Shawn was a total douchebag that was calling and playing songs for a few girls, but nevertheless I pursued him. He would at times give me no attention, so of course I gave him all of mine.